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Church Signs

PrincessIneffabelle

I'm not godless, I'm god-free
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Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Messages
1,417
My first thread!

On my morning drive I pass by several churches and their signs have been particularly amusing lately. Here are a few:

"The simple fact that anything exists proves God" :confused:

"No perfect people allowed!" :rolleyes:

"Wise ones still seek Him" --the sign originally said "Wise men still seek Him", but I guess someone complained.

"Ch_rch; what's missing?"

"You can't stumble when you're on your knees" --I have personally done just that :o

"Kids and Teens 'R' us" --does that sound creepy to anyone else?

"Don't wait for trouble! Seek God now!" :D
 
I've personally seen:

"God answers knee-mail"

"Do the math: One savior plus three nails equals 4-given" :confused:

The one Krispin posted "Wise ones still seek him" is a case study in how many church-sign authors have no idea about humor. It makes no sense in the altered form; it's like a "secret-yet" joke.

In the same vein, I've seen bumper stickers "Got Christ? It's Hell without Him!". Now a simple "Got Christ?" would have been an excellent culture-jam, terse and pointed as the original. Then they go and ruin it with a lengthy follow-up. Just to make sure that the really idiotic don't miss the joke, there's flaming graphics in case you didn't get the double-meaning of "Hell". Ha-ha!
 
At some point earlier in fall, I posted the oxymoronic "Love is always a risk, but never a loss" from a nearby church. That's down now, replaced with the far superior "Give Satan an inch and he'll become a ruler."
 
Does anyone know how the church sign messages are chosen? I've seen several messages repeated; it makes me wonder if they have a booklet or email list with sayings in it.

Wouldn't you love to see "God told me to change the stupid sign, so I did" just once?
 
bruto said:
At some point earlier in fall, I posted the oxymoronic "Love is always a risk, but never a loss" from a nearby church. That's down now, replaced with the far superior "Give Satan an inch and he'll become a ruler."
Click to expand...

Proving that god prefers the metric system.
 
There's a motel near me on a four-lane highway that used to be a Super 8, but after getting older and let's say, more sleazy, it's now an independent. In front of it is a large billboard. A church or perhaps a group of churches (or maybe just a practical joker) rented this billboard and it now proclaims in large letters "THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY!" and below that a mini-sermon on adultery in smaller print.

That's what I call hitting your target audience.
 
I love the one down the road from me - at a bible college, no less, advertising their courses:

"Spend a Year in the Son"

Not sure how the homphobes see it.
 
I prefer the standards myself:
Jesus is coming!
Jesus Saves! (especially on a shabby tin or wood cross by the side of a rural road in Kentucky or equivalent)
Jesus Saves, Moses Invests!
Jesus Saves, Cthulhu Ingests!
Repent Sinners!
 
DmKrispin said:
I just saw another one:

Christians aren't perfect,
just forgiven

Blech.
Click to expand...

Which comedian said that when he was a kid, he prayed for a bicycle. But later, after attending Sunday School, he learned that he had been doing it wrong: he learned Christians are supposed steal the bicycle and then pray for forgiveness.
 
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