Presenter A small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Vince Snetterton-Lewis. Cut to Vince in a chair in a nasty flat.
Vince Well one day I was sitting at home threatening the kids, and I looked out of the hole in the wall and sees this tank drive up and one of Dinsdale's boys gets out and he comes up, all nice and friendly like, and says Dinsdale wants to have a talk with me. So he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape round to Dinsdale's. And Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and a couple of film producers and a man they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads of whippets and Dinsdale sayd 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out, and I said my name's not Clement and then he loses his temper and nails my head to the floor.
Interviewer (off-screen) He nailed your head to the floor?
Vince At first, yeah Cut to presenter.
Presenter Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O' Tracey. Cut to another younger more cheerful man on sofa.
Interviewer Stig, I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.
Stig No, no. Never, never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to give his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.
Interviewer But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.
Stig Oh yeah, well - he did that, yeah.
Interviewer Why?
Stig Well he had to, didn't he? I mean, be fair, there was nothing else he could do. I mean, I had transgressed the unwritten law.
Interviewer What had you done?
Stig Er... Well he never told me that. But he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't want to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. There's nothing Dinsdale wouldn't do for you.
Interviewer And you don't bear him any grudge?
Stig A grudge! Old Dinsy? He was a real darling.
Interviewer I understand he also nailed your wife's head to a coffee table. Isn't that right Mrs O' Tracey? Camera pans to show woman with coffee table nailed to head.
Mrs O'Tracey Oh, no. No. No.
Stig Yeah, well, he did do that. Yeah, yeah. He was a cruel man, but fair Cut back to Vince.
Interviewer Vince, after he nailed your head to the floor, did you ever see him again
Vince Yeah.....after that I used to go round his flat every Sunday lunchtime to apologize and we'd shake hands and then he'd nail my head to the floor
Interviewer Every Sunday?
Vince Yeah but he was very reasonable about it. I mean one Sunday when my parents were coming round for tea, I asked him if he'd mind very much not nailing my head to the floor that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to a cake stand. Cut to man affixed to a coffee table and a standard lamp.
Man He was the only friend I ever had. Cut to block of concrete with a man upside down with his head buried in it.
Block I wouldn't head a word against him. Cut to a gravestone, which says: 'R.I.P. and Good Luck, Dinsdale'.
Voice Lovely fella. Cut to presenter.
Presenter Clearly Dinsdale inspired tremendous loyalty and terror amongst his business associates, but what was he really like? Cut to a bar.
Gloria I walked out with Dinsdale on many occasions and found him a most charming and erudite companion. He was wont to introduce one to eminent persons, celebrated American singers, members of the aristocracy and other gang leaders.
Interviewer (off screen) How had he met them?
Gloria Through his work for charity. He took a warm interest in Boys' Clubs, Sailors' Homes, Choristers' Associations, Scouting Jamborees and of course the Household Cavalry.
