Attention, NWO

[timhau]

Although we are having trouble getting clearance from PETA for killing a polar bear. But it must be done, because it will be a lot easier to sway Canadian public opinion if there is a dead polar bear.

The licence is in! We're in busin... oh crap. Polar bear? You sure you want a polar bear? A normal polar bear?

This licence is for a bipolar boar.

 

[Ohnoes]

Hey guys i'm not sure i'll make it to the company softball game against the C.I.A next week. Turns out the boss is sending me to do some last minute check ups on the swine flu "vaccine".

 

[joe911]

Ok I filled in the form and left it where you dropped it off.

Can i ask,do we receive a calendar of what we will be doing on which dates? Id really appreciate a copy for my diary. Do we have any big false flags planned for this year? Or how about opening some of those fema camps?

 

[NoZed Avenger]

I've lost my certificate of CA-359 Certification. Do I have to re-do the T19 and the Authorisation all over again, or are these on record? I still have my rehab badge.

You should be safe there, but email the Owl's office staff and they should be able to confirm. You might need to sign an addendum T19a that simply verifies the original information is still current.

 

[NoZed Avenger]

Triplicate? Triplicate? Triplicate?



Xenu, I remember the old days, when a pronouncement of a Senior NWO Man* was simply accepted as Law. Frakin' Newbies!



Can I at least fill them out with the blood of innocents, instead of my own blood? I get a bit light-headed by halfway through the second copy, otherwise.

Ah, you missed the memo on Reg. 11-A-13c. Starting September 1, 2009, only the *signature* needs to be in blood.

The rest can still be filled out with the blood of innocents or a black ink pen. No blue ink.

 

[NoZed Avenger]

Is this when we order our new jackboots, or is that during open enrollment period for health insurance?

Due to budgetary concerns, new hires will be required to provide their own jackboots, one pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt.

Keep your receipts, as the majority of the costs can be reimbursed. Your manager should be able to provide you with Form RA-21 for this purpose. If he or she cannot, standard protocol allows you to either break into the office and take them, or alternatively slay them in ritual combat to take their place.

(That last rule has eliminated 99% of the availability of paperwork problems we had in the past)

 

[Sabrina]

Oh phooey, is it that time of year again?

Darn it, feathers are so hard to get out of places... *grumbles and heads off to meet with Teh Big Owl™ for her budget*

Remind me next year to send a minion to deal with him; he has weird tastes.

 

[Emukt]

Can I upgrade my Black Kia to a Black Helicopter? Or at least one of those cars that gets 500mpg that we've been keeping of the market?

 

[Horatius]

Or at least one of those cars that gets 500mpg that we've been keeping of the market?

No, sorry, to counteract the recent upsurge in sheeple using fuel-efficient vehicles, thus simultaneously cutting our oil profits and derailing our attempts to cause global warming, all NWO vehicles are now mandated to get 500 gpm (Gallons per mile).

This will mostly be achieved through the simple expedient of puching a hole in your gas tank, so you may want to start filling up more often.

 

[timhau]

Furthermore, those 500 mpg cars are expensive, we had to pay something like eight million dollars for the technology. We can't give them to just anyone who asks. Next thing you know, they'd be asking for a sip from the Fountain of Youth.

 

[NoZed Avenger]

Furthermore, those 500 mpg cars are expensive, we had to pay something like eight million dollars for the technology. We can't give them to just anyone who asks. Next thing you know, they'd be asking for a sip from the Fountain of Youth.

Ix-nay on the ountain-fay.

 

[Elizabeth I]

Is this when we order our new jackboots, or is that during open enrollment period for health insurance?

Due to budgetary concerns, new hires will be required to provide their own jackboots, one pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt.

Keep your receipts, as the majority of the costs can be reimbursed. Your manager should be able to provide you with Form RA-21 for this purpose. If he or she cannot, standard protocol allows you to either break into the office and take them, or alternatively slay them in ritual combat to take their place.

(That last rule has eliminated 99% of the availability of paperwork problems we had in the past)

Damn! And I had such a nice pair picked out! They have little skulls and Masonic symbols all over them, and scarlet spike heels. Little razors in the toes, too.

 

[Juniversal]

I checked with my Assistant Deputy Chef, Macbeth, and got this suggestion:

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing,--
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

I rest assured that the NWO larder is fully stocked.

Don't forget childrens flesh.

 

[Klimax]

Damn,you. You still had not sent me correct CK-666 forms. You want space-based missions,but no formality done!!!

Don't forget that Pl-X is done by my division...

 

[Audible Click]

Oh phooey, is it that time of year again?

Darn it, feathers are so hard to get out of places... *grumbles and heads off to meet with Teh Big Owl™ for her budget*

Remind me next year to send a minion to deal with him; he has weird tastes.

-mutters- "I'm not that minion." -returns to the lab to complete work on the NWO-FEMA cattle prod-

 

[KoihimeNakamura]

And one more notice I've been asked to request:

When you see one of the NWO Plushies do not hug it. She's busy doing something important.

*goes off to deal with Elmyra*

 

[NWO Sentryman]

well, the Quantum gate is stable so far for Planet Nibiru.

 

[kookbreaker]

By the way folks, the following weapons were never issued last year and according to bylaw 77-2a they become available on a first come, first serve basis.

311 Cat Guns (33 Kitten sized)
1,312 NWO Ninja Swords
12 Jedi-mind trick belts (female sizes only)
33,000 deathbeam sunglasses
22 Leftover Excalibers
1 Excaliber Duplicator (slightly damaged, needs word)
12 M3A3 MegaTanks
2 Satellite Death Beams, unlaunched
88 Deadly sticks
14 tons, Nanothermite
1 Certified "Moloch-buster" gun. Confiscated. No ammo available.
823 False Flags
4 Telekinetic Brains-in-jars

Please make requisitions at the Arsenal.

 

[Jontg]

Ah, we've been meaning to get in touch with you for awhile re: Project Lumberjack--apparently that stunt the guys in White Ops pulled with the Large Hadron Collider punched a hole in the Van Allen belt, and in addition to giving Morgellons to the entire Indian subcontinent, it screwed with our microwave brain-control network something awful. We're gonna need requisition forms for about 2-3 million new transmitters and some sort of mistaken-identity hoax so we can step up implant distribution. Oh, and Bill's on the line about the new monitoring software you wanted packaged with Windows--says if we can bring him the head of Linus Torvalds he'll work it into the next Office update, too.

 

[NoZed Avenger]

Ah, we've been meaning to get in touch with you for awhile re: Project Lumberjack--apparently that stunt the guys in White Ops pulled with the Large Hadron Collider punched a hole in the Van Allen belt, and in addition to giving Morgellons to the entire Indian subcontinent, it screwed with our microwave brain-control network something awful. We're gonna need requisition forms for about 2-3 million new transmitters and some sort of mistaken-identity hoax so we can step up implant distribution. Oh, and Bill's on the line about the new monitoring software you wanted packaged with Windows--says if we can bring him the head of Linus Torvalds he'll work it into the next Office update, too.

Oh, for the love of Moloch. It'll be the Tunguska thing all over again to cover up the mess if we can't fixz that.

Contact MILABS (Military Mind Control And Alien Abduction). They've been working on a little something special recently and need a way to test it; why not kill two birds, etc.?