There is Hope...
Hi, folks.
Especially to Eon and Slingblade, thanks for being open with your world, with where your heads are at.
I know folks with Asperger's--actual, tested by neurologist -type Asperger's, and diagnosed before it became trendy. And it sounds like Eon would definitely benefit from working some with a specialist, though she has also done some wonderful work herself.
Asperger's is primarily a failure of the integrative and distraction-suppressing functions of the central nervous system. (That is, some of it happens long before voluntary thought enters the picture.) One of the distinguishing characteristics of Asperger's people is that they "don't get" body language and facial expressions. The learning function that most of us use in early childhood to pick up the 'rules of the road' for interpersonal non-verbal communication doesn't work. So they are always on the outside, looking in; the running analysis of other people that our behavior processing does for us, doesn't happen for them. In the movie of life, they don't get the soundtrack, only subtitles.
It makes their life harder, for sure. It makes them unknowingly break the unwritten rules of interaction, and then they don't see the warning signals that they've erred, and things get worse. I really felt for Eons talking about 'getting fired for no reason' until she learned to fake small-talk. At the risk of sounding trite, You're not broken, you're just different. You can resist high-pressure sales tactics and remember what a politician or a lawyer actually SAID much better than the rest of us. You have (in all likelihood) a much better ability to deal with detailed tasks, and will get more satisfaction out of it, then most people. Asperger's is usually (not always, but usually) linked to higher than average intelligence.
One training tool my friend uses is to watch a scene from a movie with the sound turned off, and try to guess what the people are feeling. She then watches again with the sound on, and works on deciphering that non-verbal language. She has learned a lot in the 3 years since her diagnosis.
Another common Asperger's trait is described as, "Can't see the forest for the trees." Ask my friend about a book she has read, and she will give you lots of interesting data; she can quote sentences and sometimes even give you page numbers. But ask her, "What was the author's main point?" and she flounders. Synthesizing the discrete facts into a thesis is just not easy for her. It's not what she reads for; it's not how she organizes her own thoughts.
The Internet has been a huge boon for Asperger's folks, because they are often more at home with written than spoken communication, and much more at home with not having to decipher or send out non-verbal signals. Unsurprisingly, they often excel at communicating in these conditions.
If you feel at a loss to deal with people, seeing a therapist may help you learn some techniques to make that necessary part of life easier. It will probably never be comfortable except with a very few people that you have gotten to know so well--and who have learned to format their conversations in a way that is clear to you--that you are able to really have open exchanges.
I believe that "Aspie's" is over-diagnosed today for the same reason that Adult Attention-Deficit Disorder used to be: It's where the interest and the funding is. For some people, it is an excuse to behave poorly, to be selfish or rude, to put themselves in center focus and expect the world to adapt to them. However, those folks don't generally work with a neurologist, they take some magazine or self-help book test and self-diagnose. (I'd like to see the statistical spread on whether looking at hands versus legs on a potential partner is an Asperger's trait, oy!) And there are some doctors out there, especially in med-happy America, who will be happy to write you some drugs for it. But that's not a medically valid or useful assessment.
If you genuinely believe you have Asperger's and it is impacting your life negatively, I recommend seeing a neurologist for a diagnosis and a psychologist who has been working with this condition for more than 5 years for some assistance developing.
It's not a life-limiting condition, but it does need to be worked with -- much like being colorblind or having to wear glasses.
Best wishes, MK
I have not tried either of the tests linked above, because my distrust for Things on the Internet is fairly high. Also, I question whether privacy issues are properly dealt with unless liability is involved--that's what keeps medical records mostly secure.