foxholeatheist
Graduate Poster
- Joined
- May 7, 2009
- Messages
- 1,155
I have been married to my wife for about 5 years now. I am a US Army soldier and will be for at least a few more years. My wife has stood by me for 2 deployments, several training exercises a year and an ill-fated stab at SF qualification. We do not have children. We talked it out rationally and objectively years ago and decided that if my wife became pregnant our financial situation was not congruent to raising a child.
A few weeks ago I came home from work and my wife was standing in the kitchen. I could tell immediately that something was not right in her demeanor. Instinctively I made a mental note that I saw both of our dogs when I pulled up the drive so I knew that couldn't be it. Her eyes were filled with tears as she came toward me. She threw her arms around me and started to cry and said that she thought she might be pregnant.
We sat down in the kitchen and I said 'We've talked about this before, and whatever you decide is what we are going to do.' She said that she had a great conflict inside between what her emotional feelings and her rational feelings were. She said it would be best to end the pregnancy.
That night we went out and purchased two home pregnancy tests, both of which confirmed her suspicions. She was indeed pregnant.
I am stationed on a small base in the middle of nowhere Missouri. I called our local Planned Parenthood clinic (by local I mean 40 miles away) and was told that they do not offer abortion services. I called my commander and asked for a 4 day pass I had been promised and it was granted. I did not tell him why fearing that his well known political beliefs might somehow hinder my pass.
Oh, and this was on our 5th anniversary.
We drove 2 hours away to Colombia only to be told that they also do not offer abortion services. We were told there was a clinic in Kansas City MO and another in St. Louis that did, both of which almost 2 hours away. I called the St. Louis clinic, being marginally closer, and made an appointment.
We made the drive and we hardly spoke the entire way. I can't say for sure what was going through her mind though I can only imagine. This was not an easy decision for either of us and contrary to much pro-life propaganda it was not fun nor was it done solely for convenience.
We arrived at the clinic which was a protected building. The entrance was manned by armed guards and a metal detector requiring me to make another trip to the truck to drop off my daily carry arm. I did not expect this level of security at a health care facility. We checked in and waited several hours.
The waiting room was horrible. Everyone there was desperate and in an unenviable situation. Young women with their parents and poor couples populated the waiting room. No one was having fun. On top of that, ****** pop music was piped in.
After several hours of waiting we were called into a small office and spoke to a counselor. She informed us that according to Missouri state law an ultrasound was required and a 24 hour waiting period before the actual abortion was performed. I supposed this is some feature to prevent rash decisions on the fate of the unborn. For me, it was a massive inconvenience and another unforeseen hurdle. Fortunately, I could afford the cost of the drive and the time off. However, many cannot. I cannot imagine being a young person with no means trying to do this.
We had the ultrasound performed. My wife chose not to see. However, being a medic and being curious I did. Being only 5 weeks old I could hardly make out the little shape in all the background noise. Along the uterine wall was a little oval about 4mm across according to the etched scale on the screen. We had another speechless drive home.
Being in the Military my wife has some of the best medical insurance coverage around however, abortion was not covered. Interesting, my request for a vasectomy was turned down because I did not have children. I had to pay the 500$ fee out of pocket which I could afford. However, my mind was on those who could not. None of this was made clear to us prior.
24 hours later we were back in that depressing waiting room. We were seen rather quickly by a doctor and my wife was given 2 medications. One was the abortive agent and the doctor wrote her a script for an antibiotic.
We left and she took the medication and had the abortion (which was really a medication induced miscarriage) at home. I was working for the next few days and it killed me that I couldn't be home with my wife when I felt she needed me.
Call me a baby killer if you like, I'm a Soldier and you wouldn't be the first. However, these are the facts: Abortion is not fun. It is not convenient. Laws such as 24 hour waiting periods and locally banning clinics from performing abortions do nothing to help the women affected. The costs were outrageous and out of reach for most folks that actually need to have the procedure done. Because of the social stigma I could not even ask my commander for a few days to chill at home with my sick wife. Being a medic I work with several health care providers and got some top notch support from them.
I was always pro-choice but not I am pro-access to care. Every hurdle and every 'waiting period' only delayed care. Making abortion difficult will not benefit anyone.
I wanted to share my experience with those that may not know what the human experience is. I still believe that we made the right decision for all parties involved.
A few weeks ago I came home from work and my wife was standing in the kitchen. I could tell immediately that something was not right in her demeanor. Instinctively I made a mental note that I saw both of our dogs when I pulled up the drive so I knew that couldn't be it. Her eyes were filled with tears as she came toward me. She threw her arms around me and started to cry and said that she thought she might be pregnant.
We sat down in the kitchen and I said 'We've talked about this before, and whatever you decide is what we are going to do.' She said that she had a great conflict inside between what her emotional feelings and her rational feelings were. She said it would be best to end the pregnancy.
That night we went out and purchased two home pregnancy tests, both of which confirmed her suspicions. She was indeed pregnant.
I am stationed on a small base in the middle of nowhere Missouri. I called our local Planned Parenthood clinic (by local I mean 40 miles away) and was told that they do not offer abortion services. I called my commander and asked for a 4 day pass I had been promised and it was granted. I did not tell him why fearing that his well known political beliefs might somehow hinder my pass.
Oh, and this was on our 5th anniversary.
We drove 2 hours away to Colombia only to be told that they also do not offer abortion services. We were told there was a clinic in Kansas City MO and another in St. Louis that did, both of which almost 2 hours away. I called the St. Louis clinic, being marginally closer, and made an appointment.
We made the drive and we hardly spoke the entire way. I can't say for sure what was going through her mind though I can only imagine. This was not an easy decision for either of us and contrary to much pro-life propaganda it was not fun nor was it done solely for convenience.
We arrived at the clinic which was a protected building. The entrance was manned by armed guards and a metal detector requiring me to make another trip to the truck to drop off my daily carry arm. I did not expect this level of security at a health care facility. We checked in and waited several hours.
The waiting room was horrible. Everyone there was desperate and in an unenviable situation. Young women with their parents and poor couples populated the waiting room. No one was having fun. On top of that, ****** pop music was piped in.
After several hours of waiting we were called into a small office and spoke to a counselor. She informed us that according to Missouri state law an ultrasound was required and a 24 hour waiting period before the actual abortion was performed. I supposed this is some feature to prevent rash decisions on the fate of the unborn. For me, it was a massive inconvenience and another unforeseen hurdle. Fortunately, I could afford the cost of the drive and the time off. However, many cannot. I cannot imagine being a young person with no means trying to do this.
We had the ultrasound performed. My wife chose not to see. However, being a medic and being curious I did. Being only 5 weeks old I could hardly make out the little shape in all the background noise. Along the uterine wall was a little oval about 4mm across according to the etched scale on the screen. We had another speechless drive home.
Being in the Military my wife has some of the best medical insurance coverage around however, abortion was not covered. Interesting, my request for a vasectomy was turned down because I did not have children. I had to pay the 500$ fee out of pocket which I could afford. However, my mind was on those who could not. None of this was made clear to us prior.
24 hours later we were back in that depressing waiting room. We were seen rather quickly by a doctor and my wife was given 2 medications. One was the abortive agent and the doctor wrote her a script for an antibiotic.
We left and she took the medication and had the abortion (which was really a medication induced miscarriage) at home. I was working for the next few days and it killed me that I couldn't be home with my wife when I felt she needed me.
Call me a baby killer if you like, I'm a Soldier and you wouldn't be the first. However, these are the facts: Abortion is not fun. It is not convenient. Laws such as 24 hour waiting periods and locally banning clinics from performing abortions do nothing to help the women affected. The costs were outrageous and out of reach for most folks that actually need to have the procedure done. Because of the social stigma I could not even ask my commander for a few days to chill at home with my sick wife. Being a medic I work with several health care providers and got some top notch support from them.
I was always pro-choice but not I am pro-access to care. Every hurdle and every 'waiting period' only delayed care. Making abortion difficult will not benefit anyone.
I wanted to share my experience with those that may not know what the human experience is. I still believe that we made the right decision for all parties involved.
