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Gay by choice?

sadhatter said:
I applaud your try, but as a bi guy, with a preference for females, i'll shine some light on the subject.

It is not a matter of what is easier, since we are going with food analogies , i'll put it this way.

Ever want a steak? Why though? Its more expensive, takes longer to make, and can go bad much quicker than rice. Rice, is by far the easier option to take if you want to eat, but even if you like rice, you will still find yourself wanting a steak now and again, despite the drawbacks.

Sometimes i feel like a male, sometimes i feel like a female, hell sometimes i feel like both. And the social stigma attached to two of those options, has nothing to do with it, it is, for lack of a better term "the cost of doing business."

And it isn't just sex, relationships with females and males are extremely different, they both have their perks, they both have their detriments, it is essentially a matter of taste, the same way the rice and steak issue is.

A lot of factors influence my choice of who i am going after. Availability, situation, person, relationship, physical attraction, mental attraction, but no where in there is "What other folks think.".
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Great post. Once again, the food analogy proves to be the most efficient one for the whole gay debate.
 
Ron_Tomkins said:
Great post. Once again, the food analogy proves to be the most efficient one for the whole gay debate.
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I will agree that the food analogy is is helpful to illustrate certain principles about attraction that apply to sexuality of various types, but I would add that it also implies a sort of whimsicality to it that, while amusing in a certain way, might easily be misinterpreted. I am not in love with my boyfriend like I am in love with a banana :p
 
Dessi said:
Maybe the takeaway from all of this is, **** labels.
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I find it tends to chafe depending on the variety of label. The ones with adhesive backs are noticeably unpleasant.

The problem with this is that labels are also identities and in part how people define themselves. You see this with labels like geek or skeptic as well as sexual ones, and no set of labels is anywhere close to numerous enough to be a highly accurate fit on many of the people it is applied to.

I don't see labels going away but people should try to deemphasize them so that when there seem to be minor. For example why is it entirely wrong to categorize someone who would only seek serious emotional relationships with one sex but be open to casual sexual encounters with the other as not bi? I can see arguments either way and no reason to object to them about how they identify themselves.
 
sadhatter said:
I have to bring this up when i see it, but prison sex is used as a weapon and a punishment, not akin to eating McDonalds when you really want a steak. Sure there are homosexuals in prison who are in homosexual relationships, but the majority of prison sex is about shame and punishment, not taking what one can get.
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Is that true about all such sexual flexibility in monosexual situations?
 
sadhatter said:
Gay porn stars seem to have the market cornered. Your telling me someone who gets stuck with the name Randy Dicksin, or Roger Johnson, has any other choice of career?
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This is funny as many gay porn stars are straight in their personal life. The higher pay for males in gay porn vs straight porn is what causes them to go against their personal inclinations.
 
ponderingturtle said:
This is funny as many gay porn stars are straight in their personal life. The higher pay for males in gay porn vs straight porn is what causes them to go against their personal inclinations.
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I'd assume all pornstars are pretty much constantly going against their personal inclinations - porn flicks are, after all, no documentaries.
 
Rasmus said:
I'd assume all pornstars are pretty much constantly going against their personal inclinations - porn flicks are, after all, no documentaries.
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Hang on are you saying they are not documenting a pizza delivery job? Oh well I might as well rip-up my application form for Domino's.
 
ponderingturtle said:
This is funny as many gay porn stars are straight in their personal life. The higher pay for males in gay porn vs straight porn is what causes them to go against their personal inclinations.
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What's so funny about that? It's the reason why the majority of professional gay-pornography is awful.
 
sadhatter said:
How else would one know?

I mean if you never had an urge to "See one up close." i can see that, but coming from experience, a lot of folks just get curious. And an interesting situation happens ever so often, i find.

An otherwise straight gent may, for some reason or another give a watch of porn involving gay activity. They may dig this, but not actually dig actually doing it, its one of those things like a swordfight ( speaking of a literal swordfight.) it looks really cool on film, but in real life, its a lot different.

So how does this guy find out without experimenting a bit?

"Crazy"? No, just the same premise as trying a new food, maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't but if you never try it, you'll never know.
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I may be misinterpreting your post, especially since English is not my first language, but it seems you think I was the one making the claim that bi-experimenting is "crazy" and "strange".

The "guy" is question was me, and I was responding to a claim that my experimenting and curiosity were somehow a weird unusual thing.

I in fact totally agree with your opinion on the matter.

Sorry for the derail :)
 
Lisa Simpson said:
Sex and the City co-star Cynthia Nixon has said she's "gay by choice".



Critics are saying she's playing into the hands of conservatives and I agree. Why not just call yourself bisexual? I admit, I'm not gay, so maybe I'm missing out on some idea.
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hmmm i'm guessing she had just had enough of men for a lifetime or just preferred her female counterpart to everything else- to 'decide' or 'choose' by definition means to cut out all other options .. in this case including men...:eye-poppi
 
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curious pheonix said:
hmmm i'm guessing she had just had enough of men for a lifetime - to 'decide' or 'choose' by definition means to cut out all other options .. in this case including men...:eye-poppi
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I think you're reading quite a bit into her statement. Assuming she is bisexual, she may at some point in time in the future choose differently. Or choose celibacy. Or be like Frankie and choose life.
 
My wife has hypothesized that some women do the "gay by choice" thing as they have had such rotten experiences with men....

We had a male friend who declared he was going to try this after a 4th or 5th breakup. (he was amazingly insensitive to his "loves"...)
Unfortunately, his idea of "becoming gay" was to dress funny and "act up".... Something which was met with...Detachment by actual gay folks.
 
Bikewer said:
My wife has hypothesized that some women do the "gay by choice" thing as they have had such rotten experiences with men....

We had a male friend who declared he was going to try this after a 4th or 5th breakup. (he was amazingly insensitive to his "loves"...)
Unfortunately, his idea of "becoming gay" was to dress funny and "act up".... Something which was met with...Detachment by actual gay folks.
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Yes - good luck with that one.

People pretending to be Richard Simmons in the hopes of picking up a girl tend to get looked over by... pretty much everyone.
 
ponderingturtle said:
This is funny as many gay porn stars are straight in their personal life. The higher pay for males in gay porn vs straight porn is what causes them to go against their personal inclinations.
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I don't think any amount of money would get me sexually aroused for a man. And I doubt there would be so much difficulty finding gay men to do gay porn that they'd have to cast straight men for the role.
 
Bikewer said:
My wife has hypothesized that some women do the "gay by choice" thing as they have had such rotten experiences with men....
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I think your wife is onto something.

I had met a fair number of women who:

a) Preferred hetero sex, but only with a man they really liked
b) If they could not find a really good man, would sleep with each other rather than with some jerk man

What do you call women like that? "Lesbian by necessity"?

And from what I saw, real dyed-in-the-wool dykes either hated above mentioned women, or tried to "fully convert" them -- generally in vain.
 
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