Hi, I'm Rick Santorum, Republican candidate for president of the United States.
As a Republican I consider the most pressing concern facing Americans today is jobs. And I share that concern. I believe the issue is of paramount importance, not only to families struggling to make ends meet, and recent college graduates entering a bleak marketplace for their skills and talents, but also to our country's ability to maintain its position as the greatest the world has ever known. This is something the current administration seems unwilling not only to address, but even acknowledge in the most basic terms. I think it's very close to a tragedy, and I promise that when I'm president the difference you see will be stark.
So, how best to deal with the problem? How best to generate the jobs countless people are clamoring for? Well, I believe, as I'm certain so many others do, that part of the issue is not that there aren't jobs. Of course there are jobs, and plenty of them. No, the problem is that so many are taken by homos. That's right, at this very moment, a person with a so-called alternative lifestyle is sitting at a desk, or working construction, or standing on an assembly line. Gay? I'd say they're probably giddy!
These jobs -- some good-paying, some maybe a little less, but all of them important -- are right there right now. As your president I promise I will work tirelessly to see that they are filled. No more do I want families to have to choose between paying the electric bill and gas for the car. No more do I want little boys and girls to wake up on Christmas morning believing they must have been bad because otherwise Santa would've left them a toy. No more do I want the deviant and the disgusting to laugh all the way to the bank.
There's just one thing I need from you. I need a job, too. I need the job of president of the United States. I need it so that I can help return Americans to work and America to prosperity.
I'm Rick Santorum, and I approve, endorse, and heartily stand behind... Let me put that another way. I'm Rick Santorum and I believe in this message. As I'm hoping so very many of you do, too.