For the past few months I've been attending my local PFLAG chapter, because I wanted to be more involved with the gay community, offer support, and such. So far its been an interesting.
In last Wednesday's meeting, we discussed quite a bit about transgender issues. Nebraska is one of the few states where you can be fired for being gay, we've been trying to pass an Employment Non-discrimination amendment to protect people from job discrimination with regard to sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. Every year, the amendment is shot down because its trans-inclusive -- our local news refers to the amendments as "bathroom bills".
People shared their stories, and the whole episode was frightening:
- Last week, a trans woman went out with a few of her trans friends to a bar. I don't know 100% of the details of what happened, but from what I heard, some man came behind one of the women in the group and held a knife to her throat, held her hostage for several minutes until the police arrived.
- One of parents in the group has a transgender daughter, age 10. This parent is a public speaker, and is preparing some talks on transgender children and their care, relating in particular how all but one endocrinologist is willing to treat her child, how her religious school kicked her child out. Apparently, some parenting blogs have caught on to the news, and refer to her child as a "freak" or an "it", one showed a picture of a rolled up belt with the caption "here's what I'd use to treat my child", another blog used the same caption juxtaposed with an image of a gun.
I was talking to some people after the meeting and learned one of the PFLAG board members has a group to focus on transgender issues. Very interesting, I'd like to learn more, so I got the date and address and decided to check it out.
Including myself, there were 18 people in the room, all of them were women. Most were over 40, some were over 50, there were also two young women under 25. Almost every woman in the group had the same life story:
- got married, had kids
- came out to wife about being tg, marriage destroyed, family estranged*
- came out at job
- lost job, one of the women commented that she was asked to leave minutes after going in for an interview.
- unwanted attention from pervs and tranny chasers
- unable to get insurance
- unable to get a loan
(* One notable exception, I was actually rather happy to see a ciswoman join her trans partner in the group, they've been together for a few years, she was supportive throughout her partner's transition.)
Two women were quite pretty and passed well, unfortunately most of the other did not. The problem? Money.
I did not realize the insane cost required to transition:
- $14000 to remove facial hair. (200 hours * $70/hr electrolysis)
- $25-40K out of pocket for facial feminization surgery.
- $25-50K out of pocket for gender reassignment.
- $1-2K per year for hormones and endocrinology visits.
Most of the women were unemployed or working low-income jobs. (One commented that she turns off the heat during the winter and save $150 a month on gas, that's 2 more hours of electrolysis.)
Most woman get by through cross-living -- that is, they present with their birth-assigned gender at work or certain occasions, and as women the rest of the time.
One woman talked about the phrase "gender dysphoria", its the clinical term used to describe the feelings transgender people have. She explained to me that the expression is a euphemism for the vicious hell endured by watching your body physically and mentally mutilate itself -- and you can't do anything to stop it.
----
In spite of that, most of the women had positive experiences. Almost all of them had an increase in personal happiness following transition or cross-living, a few had successful on-the-job transitions.
I don't really have anything profound to say in this thread, except transgender people have it really hard, I'd love to do more to support their community.
In last Wednesday's meeting, we discussed quite a bit about transgender issues. Nebraska is one of the few states where you can be fired for being gay, we've been trying to pass an Employment Non-discrimination amendment to protect people from job discrimination with regard to sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. Every year, the amendment is shot down because its trans-inclusive -- our local news refers to the amendments as "bathroom bills".
People shared their stories, and the whole episode was frightening:
- Last week, a trans woman went out with a few of her trans friends to a bar. I don't know 100% of the details of what happened, but from what I heard, some man came behind one of the women in the group and held a knife to her throat, held her hostage for several minutes until the police arrived.
- One of parents in the group has a transgender daughter, age 10. This parent is a public speaker, and is preparing some talks on transgender children and their care, relating in particular how all but one endocrinologist is willing to treat her child, how her religious school kicked her child out. Apparently, some parenting blogs have caught on to the news, and refer to her child as a "freak" or an "it", one showed a picture of a rolled up belt with the caption "here's what I'd use to treat my child", another blog used the same caption juxtaposed with an image of a gun.
I was talking to some people after the meeting and learned one of the PFLAG board members has a group to focus on transgender issues. Very interesting, I'd like to learn more, so I got the date and address and decided to check it out.
Including myself, there were 18 people in the room, all of them were women. Most were over 40, some were over 50, there were also two young women under 25. Almost every woman in the group had the same life story:
- got married, had kids
- came out to wife about being tg, marriage destroyed, family estranged*
- came out at job
- lost job, one of the women commented that she was asked to leave minutes after going in for an interview.
- unwanted attention from pervs and tranny chasers
- unable to get insurance
- unable to get a loan
(* One notable exception, I was actually rather happy to see a ciswoman join her trans partner in the group, they've been together for a few years, she was supportive throughout her partner's transition.)
Two women were quite pretty and passed well, unfortunately most of the other did not. The problem? Money.
I did not realize the insane cost required to transition:
- $14000 to remove facial hair. (200 hours * $70/hr electrolysis)
- $25-40K out of pocket for facial feminization surgery.
- $25-50K out of pocket for gender reassignment.
- $1-2K per year for hormones and endocrinology visits.
Most of the women were unemployed or working low-income jobs. (One commented that she turns off the heat during the winter and save $150 a month on gas, that's 2 more hours of electrolysis.)
Most woman get by through cross-living -- that is, they present with their birth-assigned gender at work or certain occasions, and as women the rest of the time.
One woman talked about the phrase "gender dysphoria", its the clinical term used to describe the feelings transgender people have. She explained to me that the expression is a euphemism for the vicious hell endured by watching your body physically and mentally mutilate itself -- and you can't do anything to stop it.
----
In spite of that, most of the women had positive experiences. Almost all of them had an increase in personal happiness following transition or cross-living, a few had successful on-the-job transitions.
I don't really have anything profound to say in this thread, except transgender people have it really hard, I'd love to do more to support their community.
Last edited:
