I am a gay woman, let me tell you about my Homosexual Lifestyle™:
7:00 AM: wake up, we have a nice cat and a mean cat. *nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle* has different meanings. If its the nice cat, it means she's made of matter and takes up space; if its the mean cat, he's hungry. Mean Cat is practically schizophrenic, he nuzzles while wagging his tail aggressively. Good morning Mean Cat, let me get you some food.
7:05 AM: breakfast time. Do I want a bowl of cerea--ack why am I cringing? Oh, thats right, I ate cereal everyday for the first 20 years of my life, I *hate* cereal. Bagels and hummus, carb-ilicious!
7:20 AM: get dressed for work. I have like 10 belts and 15 pairs of shoes. I have exactly one favorite belt, and one pair of shoes that doesn't kill my feet. By the way, what is it with high-heeled shoes? They're like the intersection of everything that makes shoes uncomfortable, unsafe, and impractical, they're like the height of cruel jokes. That and my feet are too fat.
7:35 AM: hair, makeup. I spent the last 5 years growing out my waist length hair, and to this day I can't braid my own hair. And never really learned to do makeup beyond foundation and concealer. Tried to do eye makeup once, inadvertently discovered the cusp that separates hideous and hilarious.
7:55 AM: if I leave at exactly 7:55, I can make it to work by 8:40. If I leave at 7:56 AM, I generally arrive at 9:05.
9:00 AM: I'm a software developer, I make rich white men I've never seen or met become even richer and (optionally) whiter.
9:05-11:30 AM: I've been writing code for a long time. I'm going to be honest here, I do like my job, but really its boring and often times mentally unstimulating. I usually tell people I "code on auto-pilot", going through the motions and rhythms to get the job done and occasional fire-fighting. Bleh.
12:00-1:00 PM: om nom nom nom nom!
1:00 PM-4:30PM: oh snap, spent the whole day screwing around. Work work work work work.
4:30 PM: I like to leave around this time when I have nothing more to do for the day. If I leave by 4:35, I can usually make it home by 5:05 PM. If I leave at 4:36, home by 5:45.
At this point I should mention I haven't listened to mainstream radio in 3 or 4 years, I'd never even heard of Lady Gaga until she started to show up the US news a year or so again. I keep some CDs in my car, haven't made any new CDs and have listened to then 100s of times. Lately I've been driving in total silence.
6:00 PM: Nice cat nuzzling, following me around, jumping on me within 2 seconds of sitting down. Indeed, she still is made made of matter and taking up space.
6:05 PM: you know, you'd think sitting at a computer all day would make me sick of computers for the rest of the day. I spend the next 5 hours proving you wrong. Internet addiction.
Speaking of which, just yesterday, I walked into a Best Buy to get some printer ink. You might have picked up by now I'm a bit of a computer geek... so, when I walk in those places, I'm like rawwwwr must buy. I like talking to the sales guys and the geeksquad guys, because they know squat about hardware and software. They memorize scripts about computers, but I can't tell you how many dear-in-headlights looks I've got when I mention something even barely outside their script, like HTML5 or C# or being able to VPN to work. Ok so long story short, I walked out with a laptop and no printer ink.
I could never handle myself at Fry's Electronics, total nerdgasm.
When I'm not blowing money on electronics, sometimes I go over to my parents place for dinner.
9:00 PM: at this point, my night is pretty much over. Interwebbing until bedtime.
Sometimes I get invited to bars. Mostly, I just tag along with my sister and her friends, we throw darts.
Back in June, I walked in the Omaha Pride Parade. I picked out a super cute outfit (piccie, caution: may be awesome). That night, I got invited to a concert, which was held in a sand volleyball court behind a bar. Hells yeahs I wanna go to a bar/concert, I'm already dressed for it.
The concert was was fun, not a large crowd of people but everyone was having a good time. At around midnight, friend who invited me commented to me that he needed another beer, but he has no money. I tell him "oh don't worry, tell me what you want, I'll take care of it." "Oh thank you, can you get me a Coors Light Tan".
I walk in the bar, and its packed. No particular reason why, there was a concert outside and no one seemed to care. There are only two bartenders, both busy, I'm huddled next to the bar, not really sure how to get their attention because I don't drink. I'm there for about 20 seconds, and this older guy comes up behind me, very muscular, neatly trimmed mustache, he says to me "oh hi there", "hey, how are you", "good, and you?", "good!". And then he says it, "so can I get you a drink?", I say "sure, can I get a Coors Light Tan?" I thank him, return to the concert, give free beer to my friend, and enjoy myself for the rest of the night.
(And if you're wondering, no, I don't drink. Beer is gross. There's like a worldwide conspiracy to convince people that its actually "good" and that being drunk is "fun". I'm convinced the same people behind this are the same ones propagandizing the utility of criminally uncomfortable high heels.)
11:00 PM: bed time. Mean Cat nuzzling again, this time more pissed off and angry than ever. Come on, let's get some food. A-hole cat. Nice Cat spends the larger part of the night pawing and kneeding me right in the most painful part of the neck, she likes to be right *on* me. 14lbs of cat right on your chest, not enough to seriously impair breathing but plenty adequate to make it ridiculously uncomfortable.
------
Oh and, errrmmm, sometimes I date women. Sweet Jesus!
7:00 AM: wake up, we have a nice cat and a mean cat. *nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle* has different meanings. If its the nice cat, it means she's made of matter and takes up space; if its the mean cat, he's hungry. Mean Cat is practically schizophrenic, he nuzzles while wagging his tail aggressively. Good morning Mean Cat, let me get you some food.
7:05 AM: breakfast time. Do I want a bowl of cerea--ack why am I cringing? Oh, thats right, I ate cereal everyday for the first 20 years of my life, I *hate* cereal. Bagels and hummus, carb-ilicious!
7:20 AM: get dressed for work. I have like 10 belts and 15 pairs of shoes. I have exactly one favorite belt, and one pair of shoes that doesn't kill my feet. By the way, what is it with high-heeled shoes? They're like the intersection of everything that makes shoes uncomfortable, unsafe, and impractical, they're like the height of cruel jokes. That and my feet are too fat.
7:35 AM: hair, makeup. I spent the last 5 years growing out my waist length hair, and to this day I can't braid my own hair. And never really learned to do makeup beyond foundation and concealer. Tried to do eye makeup once, inadvertently discovered the cusp that separates hideous and hilarious.
7:55 AM: if I leave at exactly 7:55, I can make it to work by 8:40. If I leave at 7:56 AM, I generally arrive at 9:05.
9:00 AM: I'm a software developer, I make rich white men I've never seen or met become even richer and (optionally) whiter.
9:05-11:30 AM: I've been writing code for a long time. I'm going to be honest here, I do like my job, but really its boring and often times mentally unstimulating. I usually tell people I "code on auto-pilot", going through the motions and rhythms to get the job done and occasional fire-fighting. Bleh.
12:00-1:00 PM: om nom nom nom nom!
1:00 PM-4:30PM: oh snap, spent the whole day screwing around. Work work work work work.
4:30 PM: I like to leave around this time when I have nothing more to do for the day. If I leave by 4:35, I can usually make it home by 5:05 PM. If I leave at 4:36, home by 5:45.
At this point I should mention I haven't listened to mainstream radio in 3 or 4 years, I'd never even heard of Lady Gaga until she started to show up the US news a year or so again. I keep some CDs in my car, haven't made any new CDs and have listened to then 100s of times. Lately I've been driving in total silence.
6:00 PM: Nice cat nuzzling, following me around, jumping on me within 2 seconds of sitting down. Indeed, she still is made made of matter and taking up space.
6:05 PM: you know, you'd think sitting at a computer all day would make me sick of computers for the rest of the day. I spend the next 5 hours proving you wrong. Internet addiction.
Speaking of which, just yesterday, I walked into a Best Buy to get some printer ink. You might have picked up by now I'm a bit of a computer geek... so, when I walk in those places, I'm like rawwwwr must buy. I like talking to the sales guys and the geeksquad guys, because they know squat about hardware and software. They memorize scripts about computers, but I can't tell you how many dear-in-headlights looks I've got when I mention something even barely outside their script, like HTML5 or C# or being able to VPN to work. Ok so long story short, I walked out with a laptop and no printer ink.
I could never handle myself at Fry's Electronics, total nerdgasm.
When I'm not blowing money on electronics, sometimes I go over to my parents place for dinner.
9:00 PM: at this point, my night is pretty much over. Interwebbing until bedtime.
Sometimes I get invited to bars. Mostly, I just tag along with my sister and her friends, we throw darts.
Back in June, I walked in the Omaha Pride Parade. I picked out a super cute outfit (piccie, caution: may be awesome). That night, I got invited to a concert, which was held in a sand volleyball court behind a bar. Hells yeahs I wanna go to a bar/concert, I'm already dressed for it.
The concert was was fun, not a large crowd of people but everyone was having a good time. At around midnight, friend who invited me commented to me that he needed another beer, but he has no money. I tell him "oh don't worry, tell me what you want, I'll take care of it." "Oh thank you, can you get me a Coors Light Tan".
I walk in the bar, and its packed. No particular reason why, there was a concert outside and no one seemed to care. There are only two bartenders, both busy, I'm huddled next to the bar, not really sure how to get their attention because I don't drink. I'm there for about 20 seconds, and this older guy comes up behind me, very muscular, neatly trimmed mustache, he says to me "oh hi there", "hey, how are you", "good, and you?", "good!". And then he says it, "so can I get you a drink?", I say "sure, can I get a Coors Light Tan?" I thank him, return to the concert, give free beer to my friend, and enjoy myself for the rest of the night.
(And if you're wondering, no, I don't drink. Beer is gross. There's like a worldwide conspiracy to convince people that its actually "good" and that being drunk is "fun". I'm convinced the same people behind this are the same ones propagandizing the utility of criminally uncomfortable high heels.)
11:00 PM: bed time. Mean Cat nuzzling again, this time more pissed off and angry than ever. Come on, let's get some food. A-hole cat. Nice Cat spends the larger part of the night pawing and kneeding me right in the most painful part of the neck, she likes to be right *on* me. 14lbs of cat right on your chest, not enough to seriously impair breathing but plenty adequate to make it ridiculously uncomfortable.
------
Oh and, errrmmm, sometimes I date women. Sweet Jesus!
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