Does 'rape culture' accurately describe (many) societies?

[Foster Zygote]

I deny it! For a start, you have not demonstrated that the only way for a family to be stable is to be one man-one woman heterosexual.

My wife and her brother were raised by a single mom. Their dad wasn't completely absent, but after the divorce he remarried and moved a couple hundred miles away. My wife has a master's degree in engineering. Our 31st anniversary is coming up at the end of this month. We've got two kids of whom we're incredibly proud. Her brother is a partner in a big Chicago law firm that does copyright law. He has been married almost 30 years and has three kids who are exceptionally smart and likable.

Then there's a friend of mine who was telling me about all the trauma she had growing up with her two conservative parents who hated each other, but maintained a public act of a loving, Christian marriage because they couldn't stand the thought of being humiliated and ostracized by their conservative social circle if they'd gotten divorced. When her father passed a few years ago, she said it was difficult to deal with her feelings of guilt from the fact that she felt more relief than sorrow, and her anger with her mother for putting up a front of grief when she was actually glad to be free of their sham relationship.

All kids need is someone to love them, gently guide them and support them. It doesn't matter if that comes in the form of a married mom and dad, a single parent, a married mom and mom, grandparents etcetera. And just having a married mom and dad doesn't guarantee stability and support for children.

 

[arthwollipot]

And I've said before that my two kids grew up with two mums and two dads.

 

[acbytesla]

My wife and her brother were raised by a single mom. Their dad wasn't completely absent, but after the divorce he remarried and moved a couple hundred miles away. My wife has a master's degree in engineering. Our 31st anniversary is coming up at the end of this month. We've got two kids of whom we're incredibly proud. Her brother is a partner in a big Chicago law firm that does copyright law. He has been married almost 30 years and has three kids who are exceptionally smart and likable.

Then there's a friend of mine who was telling me about all the trauma she had growing up with her two conservative parents who hated each other, but maintained a public act of a loving, Christian marriage because they couldn't stand the thought of being humiliated and ostracized by their conservative social circle if they'd gotten divorced. When her father passed a few years ago, she said it was difficult to deal with her feelings of guilt from the fact that she felt more relief than sorrow, and her anger with her mother for putting up a front of grief when she was actually glad to be free of their sham relationship.

All kids need is someone to love them, gently guide them and support them. It doesn't matter if that comes in the form of a married mom and dad, a single parent, a married mom and mom, grandparents etcetera. And just having a married mom and dad doesn't guarantee stability and support for children.

So so true. I grew up with straight parents and there was very little that was good about our family environment. Three of my siblings ran away on multiple occasions. And when I say multiple, I mean more than a dozen for one alone. My father never let us go without food or shelter or physical needs. But he was an ogre who bullied everyone, both physically and mentally. He was religious and also a monster.

My closest friend on the other hand was raised by his lesbian mother and her partner. and I can't think of a more balanced kind and responsible human being. And he is straight raising two great kids with his wife.

 

[Poem]

A lie. I think children have a right to responsible and comprehensive education about sex and reproduction. They shouldn't be getting that from porn.

Which wasn't what you said. The exchange was unambiguous.
That you actually do not think that (that they have a right to porn) is now clear.

Oh, they are getting it from porn and the industry and it's consumers continue to fall over themselves making excuses.

 

[Poem]

It's completely relevant to the entire argument that you are making. Porn is not going to lead to the extinction of the human race because it turns everyone gay.

It sounds kind of ridiculous when you say it like that, doesn't it?

It does and I never said it. Find me doing otherwise.

Still a lie, born of total ignorance and repression.

And the excuses continue. That particular elephant ain't going anywhere.

I deny it! For a start, you have not demonstrated that the only way for a family to be stable is to be one man-one woman heterosexual.

Never said that.

Second, you have not demonstrated that porn has any effect on the stability of families in the first place! You have just assumed it, and stated it with the kind of false and confident authority that can only be the result of complete ignorance and acceptance of moralistic anti-diversity propaganda.

On and on, the excuses keep coming. You have rubbished every piece of evidence presented. Wake up Art.

 

[Poem]

It's a simple question: are you claiming that viewing gay porn causes heterosexual people to become gay?

Did you look at the Nature article etc?
#6,103.

 

[Poem]

I'll just repost this for those that doubt that porn is relevant to rape and sexual assault culture:

He was strangulating women! That makes porn very relevant in the context of rape culture!

Wednesday briefing: Why strangulation during sex has become so common among young people (TheGuardian, Nov 19, 2025)
In today's newsletter: Despite the risks, many young people now see choking during intimacy as acceptable or even expected, which experts put down to the proliferation of increasingly violent online pornography.

Sexual choking is a hidden danger in public health and a crisis of consent (LSE Blogs, Feb 20, 2026)
Sexual choking involves applying pressure to the neck with a hand, forearm, limb, or ligature to restrict airflow or blood circulation during sexual activity.
While it may be portrayed as adventurous or thrilling, especially in pornography, the practice in real life is medically dangerous, often not consensual, and is becoming. more widespread in bedrooms and hospitals around the world.

Sexual strangulation has become popular – but that doesn’t mean it’s wanted (Durham University, Sep 26, 2024)
Social media hashtags promoting these images include #Daddy, #ChokingKink, #BreathPlay and #Strangle. Disturbingly, the investigation found hypersexualised tags and descriptions accompanying many of these images, including one which said “bruise my oesophagus”.
Pornography has also played a role in eroticising strangulation, as part of a wider normalisation of violent sex. And research has found links between people seeing choking depicted in pornography and engaging in it themselves.

I have never thought of strangulation as arousing or titillating, and I have never had a woman ask me to strangulate her or try to strangulate me. Both would be a dealbreaker. End of that relationship.
And it's bloody awful that inexperienced young people, men in particular since they tend to be the stronger sex, may learn from porn, mainstream porn, not SM-specific porn, that strangulation is a natural and normal part of sexual intercourse.

That kind of porn is very much a part of rape culture and it is relevant to consider its impact on rape culture.
And any and all sex ed for young people should bring it up:
'No, you're not the one who is weird or too 'vanilla' or whatever if you don't find choking pleasant or arousing. If your boyfriend doesn't understand that you find it unacceptable and that porn may have misled him to think that it is, break up with him immediately!'

 

[arthwollipot]

Oh, they are getting it from porn and the industry and it's consumers continue to fall over themselves making excuses.

Only because their parents and teachers are letting them down due to misguided moralistic repression.

I say again the thing I have been saying all along, and which I have said many times in this thread: Good education is the silver bullet that will solve all of the problems you bring up.

Teach the kids. Don't hide things from them. Teach them what sex is and what it's for, and why there are so many different ways of doing it. Teach them that people use it for more than simple reproduction. Teach them that the hormones it produces can be a very effective way of promoting strong familial bonds, but also that people can do it just for the simple pleasure of it without any kind of obligation if all parties consent. Teach them about consent and why it is so important. Teach them about consent and why it is so important!

Teach them that porn exists and what it's for. Teach them that Porn Performers are Paid Professionals, and that what you see in porn might, but certainly does not always, depict what natural human sexuality is like. Teach them why some people like to create their own amateur porn. Teach them about safe and consensual kink, and teach them about unsafe paraphilia and why it is unsafe.

And teach them as early as they are capable of understanding. Teach them that the laws that our society have developed say that they will be able to engage in sexual activity only once they reach a certain age, and teach them that we made it that way to protect them from people who might try to harm, exploit, or take advantage of them.

When they understand all of these things, they will be ready to approach the subject of sex with maturity and as much caution as is warranted. They will be able to enjoy safe and consensual sexual activity with whatever partners they make a connection with. They will be able to form a family if they so choose, or they will be able to choose not to. Their choice, whatever it is, will be informed and with as much support from their loved ones as we can give them.

That's how you fix society.

Here endeth the lesson.

 

[Poem]

Only because their parents and teachers are letting them down due to misguided moralistic repression.

I say again the thing I have been saying all along, and which I have said many times in this thread: Good education is the silver bullet that will solve all of the problems you bring up.

Teach the kids. Don't hide things from them. Teach them what sex is and what it's for, and why there are so many different ways of doing it. Teach them that people use it for more than simple reproduction. Teach them that the hormones it produces can be a very effective way of promoting strong familial bonds, but also that people can do it just for the simple pleasure of it without any kind of obligation if all parties consent. Teach them about consent and why it is so important. Teach them about consent and why it is so important!

Teach them that porn exists and what it's for. Teach them that Porn Performers are Paid Professionals, and that what you see in porn might, but certainly does not always, depict what natural human sexuality is like. Teach them why some people like to create their own amateur porn. Teach them about safe and consensual kink, and teach them about unsafe paraphilia and why it is unsafe.

And teach them as early as they are capable of understanding. Teach them that the laws that our society have developed say that they will be able to engage in sexual activity only once they reach a certain age, and teach them that we made it that way to protect them from people who might try to harm, exploit, or take advantage of them.

When they understand all of these things, they will be ready to approach the subject of sex with maturity and as much caution as is warranted. They will be able to enjoy safe and consensual sexual activity with whatever partners they make a connection with. They will be able to form a family if they so choose, or they will be able to choose not to. Their choice, whatever it is, will be informed and with as much support from their loved ones as we can give them.

That's how you fix society.

Here endeth the lesson.

Education is always a good thing, but you haven't demonstrated it will fix society. Children in the UK have RSA and it includes teaching on porn - yet we know that most child sex abuse is perpetrated by children.

Society has normalised anything-goes-sex-is-meaningless porn and served it up to kids - and a lot of children learn their sexual scripts from it (John Gagnon / William Simon - the theory suggests that sexuality is not purely biological or instinctual, but rather learned through social interactions, cultural norms, and personal experiences).

And did I mention that VAWG is a national emergency in the UK?

 

[Poem]

Meanwhile, the OSA is also providing an unnecessary and unwanted barrier to adults, for whom porn is completely legal.

In other words, the adults' easy access comes first (literally).....and some vague waffle virtue signalling about education for the kids...we'll tag that on later.....

 

[jimbob]

Why is most sexual abuse carried out by children (UK)?

I'm sure you have posted a source for this, but I haven't seen anything after a quick search of your posts.

 

[Poem]

I'm sure you have posted a source for this, but I haven't seen anything after a quick search of your posts.

#2,082

 

[theprestige]

Only because their parents and teachers are letting them down due to misguided moralistic repression.

I say again the thing I have been saying all along, and which I have said many times in this thread: Good education is the silver bullet that will solve all of the problems you bring up.

Teach the kids. Don't hide things from them. Teach them what sex is and what it's for, and why there are so many different ways of doing it. Teach them that people use it for more than simple reproduction. Teach them that the hormones it produces can be a very effective way of promoting strong familial bonds, but also that people can do it just for the simple pleasure of it without any kind of obligation if all parties consent. Teach them about consent and why it is so important. Teach them about consent and why it is so important!

Teach them that porn exists and what it's for. Teach them that Porn Performers are Paid Professionals, and that what you see in porn might, but certainly does not always, depict what natural human sexuality is like. Teach them why some people like to create their own amateur porn. Teach them about safe and consensual kink, and teach them about unsafe paraphilia and why it is unsafe.

And teach them as early as they are capable of understanding. Teach them that the laws that our society have developed say that they will be able to engage in sexual activity only once they reach a certain age, and teach them that we made it that way to protect them from people who might try to harm, exploit, or take advantage of them.

When they understand all of these things, they will be ready to approach the subject of sex with maturity and as much caution as is warranted. They will be able to enjoy safe and consensual sexual activity with whatever partners they make a connection with. They will be able to form a family if they so choose, or they will be able to choose not to. Their choice, whatever it is, will be informed and with as much support from their loved ones as we can give them.

That's how you fix society.

Here endeth the lesson.

Exactly. Rape culture has far more to do with a broken education system, than with the porn industry.

 

[Helen]

And i still think we've seen far more raoey cultures than our present one - nothing that Poem has posted has persuaded me otherwise.

 

[Poem]

And i still think we've seen far more raoey cultures than our present one - nothing that Poem has posted has persuaded me otherwise.

From a poster who states:

---------
I don't watch porn. I am a feminist.

 

[Helen]

From a poster who states:

Please tell the thread what this comment means?

Are you implying that I should not be pleased that nowadays, rape is akways considered a crime? That sex requires consent? That men are no longer allowed to rape their wives? That using people who cannot consent is now considered rape and a crime? That date rape is a crime? That the way a rape victim is dressed, or behaves, doesn't enter into it? That punishment for rape is more common? That more victims (even if still too few) reort rape? That rape in war is considered a war crime?

Which of all these facts, should I, as a feminist, not be pleased about?

Educate yourself. And don't be snide, so far it has always come back to bite you.

 

[Darat]

And i still think we've seen far more raoey cultures than our present one - nothing that Poem has posted has persuaded me otherwise.

In the UK it wasn't possible for a husband to rape his wife, the law was she consented to sex when she married him and that was all the consent required. This only started to change in the early nineties and it wasn't codified in legislation until 1994. That was to me a much more "rapey" society than today.

 

[Helen]

In the UK it wasn't possible for a husband to rape his wife, the law was she consented to sex when she married him and that was all the consent required. This only started to change in the early nineties and it wasn't codified in legislation until 1994. That was to me a much more "rapey" society than today.

Exactly! Poem, as usual, doesn't really know what he is talking about; rape is still a huge problem, but it is still better now than it has ever been.

 

[Poem]

...and Dame Vera Baird said (2021) that rape has been effectively decriminalised in the UK...

How does reality grab you?

Your statement about feminism must be a reference to the misogyny in porn (and you also have said that porn is not your thing). Who knows what you think, given what we know about the industry.

 

[catsmate]

There is anything of substance here?

Strawman.