Can I ask for a bit of clarification; which of the four
meanings of gender are you tryna disappear?
(I'm guessing 2 or 3, but the TRAs are pushing 4.)
ETA: I really don't think you can "make gender vanish," in any case, but I don't want to push back until it's clear what exactly you're trying to de-reify.
"kids, think they are a particular gender (by which they literally mean sex)"
AFAICT, John invoked at least three of the four meanings in just that one post.
I would also object to abolishing normative sex stereotypes themselves, e.g. "Males shouldn't compete in female leagues, Lia." or "Males shouldn't hang dong in the women's spa, Agee." Not much point in objection until we nail down what we're trying to abolish, though.
Fair points. I was aware it was difficult to form my words carefully enough. I was responding to p0lka, and that is key to my answer. The points p0lka made over the short time I've been on the thread were all over the place on these definitions - or the last three, at least. So I was trying to cover several bases undermining the idea altogether. Maybe that's not the best way to go about it, but I wasn't so much trying to make a rational argument as an emotional appeal, in the hope that whatever cognitive blockage p0lka has might get looser.
The only definition p0lka rejects, AFAICS, is (1), by insisting on his 'male' and 'female' terms as the only thing that matters (there I am interpreting the definition, but it seems to be a reasonable interpretation of the basics: "gender is just another word for sex"). To p0lka, apparently, that's not true. Sex is fixed, they say, but you can slip genders on for the day.
(4) is a phantasm. "Feeling like" people of a particular sex can only mean one of two things. The psychological meaning of "feeling" that the TRAs mean is just a cognitive judgement based on (2) or (3) or both. They compare themselves with sexual stereotypes and try to place themselves on a gender spectrum (or binary, trinary? or other made up scheme) accordingly. It is not possible to have an experience of what anyone other than oneself experiences, so as pure "feeling what it's like", it's meaningless guff. And, of course, the physical interpretation hardly needs more analysis. I "feel like a man" physically, because I have a man's body, and that's true whatever my body might be like (knowing, as I do, the proper definition of maleness). To be even clearer, I don't have an experience of 'maleness' because I'm male. I just experience me, and know that's what I am. Similarly, we don't experience the plumbing of our arteries, our eye colour, or our chromosomes.
(2) is a mere observation of tendencies, if I've understood it. So if that's how you want to define 'gender', I guess my only objection is that the word is now cemtex and best avoided at all costs. Obviously, males and females tend to express particular stereotypes socially, just as we do physically. I agree with p0lka on the point that the problem is when these are 'indoctrinated', when the expectation that we follow them is too great, or perhaps when it exists at all. Further, obviously physical reality makes some of these impossible (e.g. pregnancy), or hard to overcome, and, as your last paragraph suggests, the sexes have different needs that a sane society should take seriously, and preferably work out democratically and through discussion.
I'm not quite sure what is meant by (3), particularly in the words 'projected onto individuals'. If it means 'enforced' or 'coerced', sure that should go. It's real, and it should be avoided. If it means 'assumed' or 'expected' - in other words, when we make judgements about people's abilities or needs - then we all do that from time to time, and can be forgiven. "Hell, that's a freaking strong spring on that door - shall I hold it open for this short, wiry girl, or let it slam in her face?"
2 and 3 are maybe points in a loop - we observe that the sexes are different, and then we naturally expect individuals to be like the types we've observed.
Sorry that took so long to say.