"Dude identifies as a dude" has always been normal.
I could say the identical thing about you. Without even changing any words.
Do you think it's true in both cases?
Well that seems too easy? The correct pronoun for a male is "he", and more rarely "they" can be acceptable.
It has nothing to do with her, and the accuracy is objective.
Don't judge my buddy or his greetings. That's impolite.
Yes. It is quite easy. They/them can refer to anybody, and I always use it when the gender of the person I'm referring to is unknown or ambiguous.
It has everything to do with her. By referring to her as "him", you are giving your buddy the incorrect pronoun, which he is now more likely to use when in her presence, since in your scenario, he's explicitly going to meet her.
If she is trans, femme-presenting, but not passing (which is something that is important to some trans people and not important to others), then her status as a transgender woman will be evident. You don't need to "warn" your buddy about anything. If she is trans, femme-presenting, and passing, then who cares? There is no "confusion".
But I'm not the one here fighting hard to make others accept your views on the topic. In my case it actually is pretty much "all about me" because I am the one who might someday have to deal with gender identity on a personal level. And how I deal with it will come primarily from what I am learning on this forum. Admittedly my caring re gender identity would apply primarily and practically to my own personal situation and contacts. Any discussion regarding those outside of my own circle and contacts is purely academic because my thoughts have literally zero effect on them. I have never been in a situation outside of this forum where gender identity has ever been a topic. Nobody IRL has ever advised me of their own gender identity, or the gender identity of a mutual acquaintance. It has simply never been an issue for me.
"Hi, I see you are presenting as a lady, but I am not sure if you pref...errr... if you are one. When I talk about you to someone else, should I say he, she or they? Or perhaps there is an even more correct xe or ve?"
Maybe you're over thinking it. Why not just ask "What pronouns do you prefer?"
"It has never been an issue for me" is not the same thing as "it will never be an issue for me". develop good habits now, and you won't have to adapt if and when your circumstances change. It costs zero effort and you end up being a kinder person. Why would you resist?
Correct. The better question is "What are your pronouns?" Don't make a big song and dance out of it. If you prefer, ask them quietly and in private. I once worked with a drag queen who routinely wore femme clothes to work. I realised at one point that I had used he/him a few times, so I took a moment to quietly say "hey, I've been using he/him as your pronouns, is that correct?" He replied "yes, it is, and thank you for asking."
Resist? You don't seem to comprehend what I am saying. Here, I will repeat a post I made a mere two hours ago. You point out where I am "resisting":
Consider two American tourists in a foreign country. One makes an (admittedly terrible) attempt to use the local language and follow the local customs, one adamantly refuses to on the basis of Why Should They, Everyone Speaks English. That's not a lot of information to go on, but it's enough, isn't it? Now, imagine both tourists have returned to the states where they are regaling a third American with their stories. Whose advice would you rather have that third fellow follow?
Yes, there is. You say so yourself:
And that is the meat of it for a lot of us. This person was clocking as male to you, so you used the correct pronoun English speakers use for a male- he. Upon realizing it may not be the preferred pronoun, you checked. So ok, done and done. That's what I was asking you about. Is it cool to use the correct pronoun till you are told of a preference otherwise (no, not everyone agrees with your assertion of what is correct, and you are causing needless confusion since the very topic is 'which is correct?').
Given that you quoted my post I am not sure that if this is supposed to counter anything I have said. Although I hate analogies with a passion, and I am not sure that I get the point of yours, I have no disagreement with anything in your second paragraph. This whole pronoun business is a learning process that I may or may not ever have an opportunity to actually use. My only caveat is that, IMO, the person for whom it is an issue should be the one taking the lead in such situations and not expect others to be the first to ask.
If one actually complied, the result would be the same without ideological implication, simply politeness.
The point of the analogy is that you're the third person, hearing two other people argue about a foreign perspective (issues with trans individuals) you have no direct experience with. What they each take away says more about them than anything else, so what you hear needs to be taken with the knowledge of who is saying it.
Were it possible for the world to leave them to resolve their own issues, fine. We're talking about a fraction of a fraction of the population, after all. Donald Trump has more felony convictions than the NCAA has transgender athletes. But as an appendix of the ongoing fascist putsch, it's very definitely a "first they came for the trans individuals, and I spoke up because I've read the rest of the ◊◊◊◊◊◊◊ poem" situation.
Making this USA political issue is not a thing that this non-American has any interest in pursuing. There are a number of non-Americans contributing. Discussing it as a relevant social issue is sufficient for me.
