It's all about cause and effect. You were never in combat, so your loss of long-distance vision couldn't have been a combat injury. But if you were in combat, it would have been. This simple logic was burned into our brains even before the human species evolved.
I think you mean that if I had been in combat, I might have 'connected the dots' and associated being in combat with my 'loss of long-distance vision'. As it were, however, it didn't really come as a surprise to me because
that's what happens to human beings, and we all
know that: vision deteriorates with age, more in some people than in others. It's not a secret. People talk about it. Opticians' commercials point it out when they want to sell us corrective lenses: the lens stiffens with age, which is why age makes us need glasses that correct for both short-sightedness for watching a movie or driving and for far-sightedness for reading.
By the way, I got this a little wrong:
In my mid-50s, I was told by my optician that I should not be riding my motorcycle at night.
He told me I should not be riding my motorcycle at night
without glasses, something I had already noticed wasn't safe anymore. I still have a problem with this. Because it's not a problem in daylight, I tend to remember to bring only my reading glasses.
But notice the difference between: 'I am growing old and now need corrective lenses at night for watching things at a distance.' And the much more dramatic version: 'A combat injury made me lose my long-distance vision.'
Everybody
knows about this
common condition. Warriors do too. Without ever having seen a magazines or website targeting soldiers and spooks, I am pretty sure that they also mention it and have advertising addressing it. It should not have come as a surprise to Polymeropoulos that it might also happen to him, unless, as I suspect, he thought of himself as a superhuman being to whom something like this would never happen.
Marc Polymeropoulos spent 26 years in the CIA, and during that time was put under "
the most high-stress circumstances you can imagine as ... one of the CIA’s most decorated field officers."
In his book
Clarity in Crisis he gives some sage advice:-
So you can see the mindset. The conditions might be ambiguous, but you know the filthy Marxists are behind it, lurking in the shadows ready to harm you in whatever nefarious way they can. When a crisis occurs you don't 'message your way out of it'. You use your 26 years of experience to see clear through the fog of ambiguity and identify the bad guys behind it (remembering that there is
always a bad guy behind anything bad). And don't for a moment think that the stress might be clouding your judgement - that's giving in to doubt. You
thrive on stress and ambiguity!
I wouldn't call his advice
sage. And don't forget the attitude that '
I am somebody who can cope with this,
I am strong,
I am tough, and
I don't succumb to stress like some wuss who is only good at reading books and doesn't know about the
real world the way
I do'. In fact, Polymeropoulos is still out there preaching this gospel:
Marc has honed a unique leadership style based on nine core principles which he terms “Finding Clarity in the Shadows.” Each principle builds on the next and is designed for real world applicability, where one
often operates under time constraints and with a lack of complete situational awareness. Marc describes how one must
not fear but instead wildly embrace this ambiguity. His unique leadership style is based on years of
hard time on the streets of the third world vice learning leadership from university lectures or books. The “Glue Guy,” “Winning an Oscar,” and “Adversity is the PED to Success” are just some of the principles that his clients will immediately relate to. Marc will provide real work vignettes from the world of intelligence and paramilitary operations, yet also stress that his principles can be used across the private sector in any profession.
Marc Polymeropoulos, Leadership Expert (The Harry Walker Agency, The World's Leading Speakers Bureau)
He seems to have become the victim of his own leadership philosophy. And/or as I mentioned recently: toxic masculinity. He also looks like he has put on a few pounds, which may have contributed to making it more difficult for him to live up to his own expectations. And then he finds himself all alone, at night, in a Moscow hotel room, operating under time constraints, with a lack of complete situational awareness, and having to wildly embrace this ambiguity, which is no longer as easy or rewarding as it used to be ...
On a personal note: I succumbed to stress in 2019. As you may have seen me refer to before, I was a high school teacher. My subjects were English and German. At 60, we were supposed to get something called
"age reduction", i.e. a reduced work load. What happened instead was that my work load was increased. I ended up teaching five classes with a higher number of students in those classes than I'd ever had before. Before that, I had never had more than four classes except for very brief periods if another teacher was sick, for instance. At the same time, my hearing was deteriorating, which was worse for me as a language teacher than for my colleagues teaching other subjects because high school students tend be shy when they have to leave the 'safe space' of their native language. They don't like to speak up. So I had to be more focussed, which also took a toll on my brain and nerves. When I told my superiors that I was down to sleeping only three or four hours a night (and sometimes less than that), their response was, 'But you're still holding out, right?!' Which I was, of course, until I wasn't.
I was even told that my work load was lower than it was supposed to be, which I later discovered was an outright lie.
So I threw in the towel and haven't regretted
* it. Still, it took me a year before I could get back to sleeping six hours or more a night again.
But I never had any delusional ideas about what was happening. Even when a cricket took up residence in one of the classrooms - the first time it ever happened in all my years as a teacher - I never mistook it for a raygun. But that was also a few years
after we had found out that the 'syndrome' in Havana wasn't caused by the
sound of crickets but by the
interpretation of the sound of crickets. And the cricket was a wonderful opportunity to tell my students about the 'syndrome' when we were doing American studies!
ETA:
*Since March 2020, I've actually thought of it as a blessing in disguise. Unlike my former colleagues, I didn't have to spend time in SARS-CoV-2-contaminated classrooms.