Epstein suicide conspiracy theories

[carlitos]

<ct>Have you ever seen Brian Epstein and Jeffrey Epstein in the same room? Well there you go, then. </ct>

Until we see a note from his mother, I'm blaming Juan Epstein.

 

[CORed]

He faked his death. The body seen being ccarried out of the cell was actually a pile of blankets, with Epstein disguised as a prison guard and his fellow prison guard can be seen with pockets bulging with wads of dollars.

That is simple and could almost work. Therefore, no true CT will accept it.

 

[Chanakya]

The fact that the President seems to endorse a CT with regards to Epstein should be seen as significant - but this being Trump it isn't.

True.

More interesting is that the autopsy seems to be less than straightforward - or maybe those responsible just don't want to make any more mistakes.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/invest...n-s-death-awaits-further-information-n1041216

Probably the latter, is my take.

But this many mistakes, time and again, in a case that isn't exactly run-of-the-mill, seems ... curious. Not impossible, nor even necessarily implausible, but just a bit curious.

 

[BStrong]

Connect the DOTS people!

(conspiraspeak for "insert ******** here)

 

[ahhell]

Honestly, I wouldn't be shocked to find out some of the guards were paid off to maybe not watch epstein that closely in the hope that he would kill himself.

That's about the extent of my conspiracy theory. It is extraordinarily unlikely that anyone we have heard of did anything to advance or encourage Epstein's death.

It would also be surprising if there wasn't someone out there adding it to the Clinton Death Toll(c) or starting the Trump death toll(c).

 

[Chanakya]

The point is shadowy, deep state Conspiracy Theories don't magically become rational and worthy of serious consideration when (g)you are able to write a narrative where the other tribe is the bad guy in them.

Not the full details of the conspiracy, but that there might be some conspiracy somewhere does not seem at all ridiculous. There may not be, sure; but there may be, too. That is exactly what they're waiting to decide on.

So, to preemptively dismiss any narrative that doesn't involve suicide with zero complicity from others, and to attempt to ridicule any alternative ideas by pejoratively calling them CTs and tagging on lurid strawman narratives on to them, seems to me a classic case of poisoning the well.

Not that it matters, because none of those tasked with the investigation is likely to drink from our particular well. We'll know soon, one way or the other.

 

[The Atheist]

It is extraordinarily unlikely that anyone we have heard of did anything to advance or encourage Epstein's death.

Mission Accomplished.

Wait... that's already been used.

Job well done, then.

 

[carlitos]

Mark Foster (Foster the People) has it solved. Epstein is alive, the dead guy was a body double, and Jeffery is on his way to the Middle East for plastic surgery.


Foster the People promote bizarre Jeffrey Epstein conspiracy theory.

The diagram of Epstein's nose with the MS Paint line drawn on it is a hallmark of the conspiracy theorist. (twitter link here)

 

[The Atheist]

..and Jeffery is on his way to the Middle East for plastic surgery..

Well, that part could be true. Girls of 14/15 are basically old maids over there.

 

[Axxman300]

Not the full details of the conspiracy, but that there might be some conspiracy somewhere does not seem at all ridiculous. There may not be, sure; but there may be, too. That is exactly what they're waiting to decide on.

So, to preemptively dismiss any narrative that doesn't involve suicide with zero complicity from others, and to attempt to ridicule any alternative ideas by pejoratively calling them CTs and tagging on lurid strawman narratives on to them, seems to me a classic case of poisoning the well.

Not that it matters, because none of those tasked with the investigation is likely to drink from our particular well. We'll know soon, one way or the other.

The DoJ is investigating, the FBI is investigating, and the Federal Judge who was in charge of the case will run an investigation.

Right now it sounds like a typical Federal screw-up with guards working overtime having lapses in procedure. There will be a few job openings in that district come January.

 

[The Atheist]

There will be a few job openings in that district come January.

You'll find there are already plenty, which is the core of the problem. Who would want that job?

 

[sts60]

Wow, we got dueling Conspiracy Theories here between the Trump and Clinton conspiracies.

What if they’re both right?

A Summer Night in Manhattan

 

[Steve]

Until we see a note from his mother, I'm blaming Juan Epstein.

You have to be old to get that reference. I did!

 

[Venom]

Did anyone mention Epstein was Jewish?

Maybe Mossad was involved.

 

[Redwood]

An amazingly stupid theory: The "good guys" (Q and his associates in the White House) faked his suicide, smuggled him out of the jail and smuggled in the corpse of another person, although it's obvious to the merest child that they are not the same person.

As a result, Epstein can never testify and is a potential huge embarrassment if he's ever found alive. So there's no reason at all for them to keep him alive - so why didn't they just assassinate him in his jail cell?

 

[Giordano]

The DoJ is investigating, the FBI is investigating, and the Federal Judge who was in charge of the case will run an investigation.

Right now it sounds like a typical Federal screw-up with guards working overtime having lapses in procedure. There will be a few job openings in that district come January.

Or set-up. Sorry, I am anti- conspiracy theorist in every other context, but in this case it is very difficult for me to not believe that appropriate people in the prison system thought that it would be best for "everyone" if Epstein was
to commit suicide. They may have even encouraged him ("It would be better for you and your family if...). So easy to do, largely by simple omission, and as a result so many people in the criminal justice system, influential politicians, and very wealthy people now breath easier.

I can't really buy that these big lapses in procedure occurred accodently for such an important prisoner, especially given he was reported to have already attempted suicide.

Personally I think the investigations will become more and more obscure and the final reports inclusive.

 

[The Great Zaganza]

An amazingly stupid theory: The "good guys" (Q and his associates in the White House) faked his suicide, smuggled him out of the jail and smuggled in the corpse of another person, although it's obvious to the merest child that they are not the same person.

As a result, Epstein can never testify and is a potential huge embarrassment if he's ever found alive. So there's no reason at all for them to keep him alive - so why didn't they just assassinate him in his jail cell?

The regular autopsy would have revealed that he is was a shape-changing lizard.

 

[Venom]

Or set-up. Sorry, I am anti- conspiracy theorist in every other context, but in this case it is very difficult for me to not believe that appropriate people in the prison system thought that it would be best for "everyone" if Epstein was
to commit suicide. They may have even encouraged him ("It would be better for you and your family if...). So easy to do, largely by simple omission, and as a result so many people in the criminal justice system, influential politicians, and very wealthy people now breath easier.

I can't really buy that these big lapses in procedure occurred accodently for such an important prisoner, especially given he was reported to have already attempted suicide.

Personally I think the investigations will become more and more obscure and the final reports inclusive.

I think if it was some cover-up, if you can even call it that, I favor a LIHOP scenario in which one of the guards just thinks **** him, I'll let this scumbag do us a favor and off himself.

But determined pretrial inmates do tend to succeed and I'm still sticking to the "natural" scenario of the guards doing their usual rounds and Epstein hanging himself when they're not looking. Not difficult.

 

[Travis]

If there is a conspiracy to do him in it need not be a full cloak and dagger job with a hired eastern European hitman infiltrating the prison then waiting for just the right time. It could be simply a deal where they "accidentally" leave material that could be used for suicide then "accidentally" have a lapse in guard shifts overnight.



I mean that would just seem to me to be the most parsimonious means of doing it. The most likely explanation is that he just exploited incompetence to off himself outside of anyone else wanting it to happen.



But, still, I'm going to be mighty curious what all the investigations turn up.

 

[timhau]

If there is a conspiracy to do him in it need not be a full cloak and dagger job with a hired eastern European hitman infiltrating the prison then waiting for just the right time. It could be simply a deal where they "accidentally" leave material that could be used for suicide then "accidentally" have a lapse in guard shifts overnight.



I mean that would just seem to me to be the most parsimonious means of doing it.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by 'parsimonious' here.

If I had near-unlimited power and wanted him offed, I'd have someone poison him and have the coroner write it off as a heart attack.