LDS II: The Mormons

halleyscomet said:
To reach the official tally of eleven, I need ten more witnesses. Once I have them my account of Drop Bears in the Pre-Columbian Americas will have met the exact same standard of evidence as the Book of Mormon.

Come forward and TESTIFY my friends!
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Ahheye testify, mah brudda from anudda udda! I saw dem dere koalaform writin's on METAL PLATES like it waz thru stone spectackles — an' a innernet vidya played in mah head. A fearsome great DROPBEAR did fall from the back of a SPECKLED GIANT SLOTH and, lo, there, uh.., it was.

Hold my beer.
 
Testify!

That gives THREE witnesses to the Drop Bear Testament.

Zivan
Slowvehicle
Donn

With three witnesses The Drop Bear Testament is now %27 of the way to having met the same standard of evidence as the Book of Mormon. It already has the exact same archeological evidence supporting it as the Book of Mormon.

Amen!
 
Slowvehicle said:
Can we get Samuel L. Jackson cast as the leader of the Drop Bear Army?
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We'll need a whole series of movies in that case:

"Iron Drop Bear 2"
"Captain Drop Bear" (just a cameo at the end)
"The Drop Bears"
"Captain Drop Bear: The Wendigo" (Winter Drop Bear sounded wrong, and this lets me keep after the same comic book universe)
"The Drop Bears: Age of Bunyip" (may as well add another Aussie beast here)

And the spin-off Television Series
"Agents of Drop Bear"
 
halleyscomet said:
AMEN!

The first witness has come forward. Remember, in the grand tradition of Mormon witnesses, visions are a legitimate means of seeing the proof you need.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Mormon_witnesses

The Book of Mormon had a total of eleven official witnesses, twelve if you count Mary Musselman Whitmer, who claimed to be a witness but Smith never bothered to mention.

To reach the official tally of eleven, I need ten more witnesses. Once I have them my account of Drop Bears in the Pre-Columbian Americas will have met the exact same standard of evidence as the Book of Mormon.

Come forward and TESTIFY my friends!
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From the cold and forbidding North comes the story of the Winter Drop Bear, embossed on plates of finest magnesium. Thrill to the vision of their ripping chariot born armies, horses and steel using First Nations apart so thoroughly that no trace can ever be found.

Your copy available now for 10 equal payments of $29.95 + shipping and handling.
 
Border Reiver said:
From the cold and forbidding North comes the story of the Winter Drop Bear, embossed on plates of finest magnesium. Thrill to the vision of their ripping chariot born armies, horses and steel using First Nations apart so thoroughly that no trace can ever be found.

Your copy available now for 10 equal payments of $29.95 + shipping and handling.
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But wait! There is more! If you are one of the first 11 callers, you receive a FREE gift! Yes, absolutely FREE gift of magic underwear*! This FREE gift is yours for only 10 additional easy payments of $29.95 + shipping and handling.

Call now before supplies run out!

*some restrictions may apply. Especially if we send you the wrong size of magic underwear. If they are too small, there will be greater restrictions.
 
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Donn said:
Dropbears on a plain.
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I'm rethinking my user name, though it can never be capitalized, even at the start of a sentence.

What the **** are dropbears? I don't actually have to read the BOM, do I? I mean, I understand the KJV fine, but the BOM was insufferably forced, like by a guy who didn't understand his source material. I lasted two pages.
 
dropzone said:
I'm rethinking my user name, though it can never be capitalized, even at the start of a sentence.

What the **** are dropbears? I don't actually have to read the BOM, do I? I mean, I understand the KJV fine, but the BOM was insufferably forced, like by a guy who didn't understand his source material. I lasted two pages.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear
A drop bear (sometimes dropbear) is a hoax in contemporary Australian folklore featuring a predatory, carnivorous version of the koala (Phascolarctos cinereus). This imaginary animal is commonly spoken about in tall tales designed to scare tourists. While koalas are typically docile herbivores (and notably, not bears), drop bears are described as unusually large and vicious marsupials that inhabit treetops and attack unsuspecting people (or other prey) that walk beneath them by dropping onto their heads from above
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http://www.australiangeographic.com.au/news/2013/04/drop-bears-target-tourists,-study-says/
There has been relatively little scientific research into the drop bear (Thylarctos plummetus), which the Australian Museum describes as a "large, arboreal, predatory marsupial related to the koala." Populations are thought mainly to exist in forested coastal regions of eastern and southern Australia, stretching from the Cape York Peninsula to Tasmania.
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...but they appear to prey on people with non-Oz accents before cobbers.
 
dropzone said:
I'm rethinking my user name, though it can never be capitalized, even at the start of a sentence.



What the **** are dropbears? I don't actually have to read the BOM, do I? I mean, I understand the KJV fine, but the BOM was insufferably forced, like by a guy who didn't understand his source material. I lasted two pages.
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Translation errors. Smith was a TERRIBLE translator. He cut out the drop bears for crying out loud! Clearly, the Mormon god is calling me to do a fresh translation of the Book of Mormon to fix all of Smith's cock-ups.

BOM: Drop Bears Revealed. coming this fall to Kindle.
 
Has anyone ever published a parody of the BOM? I doubt it, because it's an old, wise rule among parodists that you can't lampoon something that's no damn good to start with.

Hell yes I've tried reading it. I didn't get beyond the 300th. "and it came to pass." That was about two chapters in. I don't fault myself for that; self-destructiveness is a bad practice.
 
sackett said:
Has anyone ever published a parody of the BOM? I doubt it, because it's an old, wise rule among parodists that you can't lampoon something that's no damn good to start with.

Hell yes I've tried reading it. I didn't get beyond the 300th. "and it came to pass." That was about two chapters in. I don't fault myself for that; self-destructiveness is a bad practice.
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When I read it I used the Gutenberg edition. I did a search and replace on the common phrases. For example I replaced "and it came to pass" with AICTP. Since my career is an IT I'm used to reading acronym soup and filling in the rest mentally. This made the book surprisingly more readable.

Sadly, I did not keep my modified version of the book of Mormon. I probably should have. Maybe I'll go back and reproduce the effort. I have to admit, if I'm going to do the BOM drop bear addition I might as well do a few other variations as well while I'm at it. Slogging through that much ether in print is something one does not want to do multiple times.
 
fibbermcgee said:
A drop bear is a vicious killer Koala.
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I have long considered my Strine brethren as our sillier (compliment) cousins. In the states we allowed far too much immigration from what became Germany, resulting a preference for fart jokes. I recently learned I carry 92% more Neanderthal genes than the average European, so fart jokes are in my nature, but the rest of me prefers silly.
 
Billy Baxter said:
The problem with the skeptics' approach to the BOM's authenticity is, it focuses on the nitpicky details, while the true believer focuses on the doctrines instead. To date, I've never seen anyone disprove the Christian doctrines and teachings of the BOM. Skeptics tend to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

bb
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Why disprove anything when it's the claimant's burden to prove their positive claim?
 
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