Dear GOP Member,
Would you be willing to run for Vice President? This will require a commitment of your time for only fourteen weeks - up to the loss at the General Election - and your party needs you.
If you are unable to run, which of the following would you favor:
Mike Pence - he's a guy in Indiana who several of you have heard of
Newt Gingrich - Newt is not a nickname. He's actually a newt. She turned him into one but he never got better.
Some General
Chris Christie - obsequious toadie and noted traffic engineer
We would prefer, as would most voters, if you would accept our invitation to stand for election. We have every assurance from the CDC that, to quote, their letter, ".... there is no evidence that the orange fungus is contagious...". We're fairly certain you won't catch Teh Stupid.
Now is the time for all good Republicans to come to the aid of the party. Think about it. You could meet Gary Busey.
Oh, and could you loan us a few bucks 'til payday?
Sincerely,
Your buddy, Rince.