Dating Disabled

[Magrat]

This came up on my other poll thread and I am curious.

Question: would you date a disabled person?

For the purposes of this poll assume the individual is someone you would be attracted to if they weren't disabled, they're mentally capable of consent, and capable of intimacy. There are of course adjustments that would have to be made for mobility and stuff.

As a disabled person I am not always treated as a "woman" but as a genderless "cripple". I have been told my scars and medical device make me less of a woman, and "youd be prettier without those scars". My friend B is a paraplegic, strangers come up to him and ask if his penis still works. Most disabled people end up either not dating at all, or only dating other cripples, because of the ableism.

 

[Aepervius]

I answer yes and am able bodied but it is not that simple. Never saw physical handicap as a factor. On the other hand mental handicap is another can of worm, I tend to think no in such case. I see you removed that possibility in your post.

 

[Magrat]

I answer yes and am able bodied but it is not that simple. Never saw physical handicap as a factor. On the other hand mental handicap is another can of worm, I tend to think no in such case.

That's why I kinda left that out. It gets into areas of competency etc... And that's way too complicated for a poll.

 

[Magrat]

I am very interested in hearing from the disabled person who says no! Seems like there might be a story there.

 

[ponderingturtle]

This came up on my other poll thread and I am curious.

Question: would you date a disabled person?

For the purposes of this poll assume the individual is someone you would be attracted to if they weren't disabled, they're mentally capable of consent, and capable of intimacy. There are of course adjustments that would have to be made for mobility and stuff.

As a disabled person I am not always treated as a "woman" but as a genderless "cripple". I have been told my scars and medical device make me less of a woman, and "youd be prettier without those scars". My friend B is a paraplegic, strangers come up to him and ask if his penis still works. Most disabled people end up either not dating at all, or only dating other cripples, because of the ableism.

Well I guess that shows transpeople are not the only one who get inappropriate questions about their genitals.

 

[ponderingturtle]

The problem is what kind of disability are we talking about? There are some that would I think I wouldn't date and some that I would. What chronic illnesses count as disabilities and which ones do not?

Then there is the whole issue of mental health.

What if someone would date an amputee but not a quadriplegic? how should they respond?

 

[Magrat]

The problem is what kind of disability are we talking about? There are some that would I think I wouldn't date and some that I would. What chronic illnesses count as disabilities and which ones do not?

Then there is the whole issue of mental health.

What if someone would date an amputee but not a quadriplegic? how should they respond?

I have multiple chronic illnesses and a spinal cord injury. I have an implanted medical device. I am a walking paraplegic, I walk with a forearm crutch, or use a wheelchair if it is a lot of walking. I have chronic pain. I have some limitations on what I'm able to do, and I see a lot of doctors pretty frequently.

For the purposes of this poll, use me as an example of what we are talking about.

Why would someone date an amputee and not a quad?

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[Giordano]

I should point out that although I am able bodied and I would absolutely date a disabled person in concept, in practice I am married and I would be rendered disabled, or at least severely injured, by my wife if I dated anyone but her.

 

[The Don]

So much of what I do involves physical activity and I'd want a life partner who would be able to participate fully in the same activities. A long time ago (I've been married close to 25 years) I dated someone who simply wasn't interested in running, hiking, biking and so on. It meant a tough choice between spending time with someone I (thought I) wanted to spend time with and doing the things I really enjoyed. It didn't work out well, she was cross with me about the amount of time I spent out of the house, I resented the fact that I had to curtail my activities.

I know I should be able to get past that and if someone is sufficiently important then I should understand and compromise but life's too short not to spend it doing the things you enjoy doing with the people you enjoy doing it with........

Therefore with the greatest reluctance (and realising I look like a complete heel) I have to say it's very unlikely that I would date someone with significant physical disabilities.

 

[TubbaBlubba]

I am disabled, and a huge issue for me with dating another disabled person would be that a domestic relationship wouldn't really make the life of either of us that much easier. I really, really need someone who has that energy and ability to get certain everyday things done when I don't.

 

[Giordano]

I have multiple chronic illnesses and a spinal cord injury. I have an implanted medical device. I am a walking paraplegic, I walk with a forearm crutch, or use a wheelchair if it is a lot of walking. I have chronic pain. I have some limitations on what I'm able to do, and I see a lot of doctors pretty frequently.

For the purposes of this poll, use me as an example of what we are talking about.

Why would someone date an amputee and not a quad?

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I wouldn't see it as an issue in terms of the person's attractiveness- I would be turned off instead by people of limited IQ or possessing certain strange beliefs. But I think, in common with a variety of issues not involving disability, that one would have to be willing to take on some additional scenarios that go with a given individual. If one dates someone in the military, one must recognize that they can be assigned to different locations against their will, sent away for long periods of time, and/or incur a higher physical risk. That is part of the package- I can see loving someone like that but still needing to be accepting of the whole package. Same for someone very poor, or very rich for that matter: those facts will impact the practical aspects of the relationship. Love is abstract, but maintaining a relationship includes practical aspects in all cases and if one is sincere, one recognizes the gestalt everyone brings to the relationship.

So for the "right person" these other aspects would not matter to me. Hey, as people get older they often have more physical limitations no matter how they began the relationship- I hope that significant others wouldn't just drop them as they became higher maintenance. And one loves one's kids no matter how much extra effort they require.

 

[Magrat]

I am disabled, and a huge issue for me with dating another disabled person would be that a domestic relationship wouldn't really make the life of either of us that much easier. I really, really need someone who has that energy and ability to get certain everyday things done when I don't.

That is am excellent point. As much as I may like a disabled individual, I *need* an able bodied person.

Then again, you and your partner could always hire help.

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[ponderingturtle]

I have multiple chronic illnesses and a spinal cord injury. I have an implanted medical device. I am a walking paraplegic, I walk with a forearm crutch, or use a wheelchair if it is a lot of walking. I have chronic pain. I have some limitations on what I'm able to do, and I see a lot of doctors pretty frequently.

For the purposes of this poll, use me as an example of what we are talking about.

Why would someone date an amputee and not a quad?

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

I would make such determinations based on feeling how dependant vs independant of me the person would be and being able to engage in activities I enjoy including the varieties of sex that I enjoy.

Add in that I have serious commitments to my wife and so have some limits on the extend of the commitments I can make to others this would shape what I would choose.

The level of disability you describe for yourself would be one I would be willing to try.

 

[Magrat]

So much of what I do involves physical activity and I'd want a life partner who would be able to participate fully in the same activities. A long time ago (I've been married close to 25 years) I dated someone who simply wasn't interested in running, hiking, biking and so on. It meant a tough choice between spending time with someone I (thought I) wanted to spend time with and doing the things I really enjoyed. It didn't work out well, she was cross with me about the amount of time I spent out of the house, I resented the fact that I had to curtail my activities.

I know I should be able to get past that and if someone is sufficiently important then I should understand and compromise but life's too short not to spend it doing the things you enjoy doing with the people you enjoy doing it with........

Therefore with the greatest reluctance (and realising I look like a complete heel) I have to say it's very unlikely that I would date someone with significant physical disabilities.

You absolutely do not look like a heel! I understand that completely. As a disabled person with limitations, I'd never want to date someone who spends so much of their time doing stuff I can't do.

Bear in mind though, a lot of disables people can, and do, all that physical stuff. They just do it differently.

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[MikeG]

Married. I haven't done dating (not that we ever called it that) for 35 years. However, I have answered your question by treating it as though it were hypothetical. I'm extremely active, as is my wife. I'd struggle to have it any other way. However, for certain categories of disabled I wouldn't hesitate.

 

[ponderingturtle]

That is am excellent point. As much as I may like a disabled individual, I *need* an able bodied person.

Then again, you and your partner could always hire help.

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But it speaks to how much someone is willing to take on the role of caretaker at the beginning of a relationship

 

[Magrat]

I would make such determinations based on feeling how dependant vs independant of me the person would be and being able to engage in activities I enjoy including the varieties of sex that I enjoy.

Add in that I have serious commitments to my wife and so have some limits on the extend of the commitments I can make to others this would shape what I would choose.

The level of disability you describe for yourself would be one I would be willing to try.

Bear in mind here I'm not looking for a date lol I know a ton of people are married! This just came up on the other thread and being as I am the closest disabled person I used myself as an example.

Definitely, disabled dating has a lot of complications that abled dating doesn't. Probably a big part why so many disabled peeps just don't bother.

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[TubbaBlubba]

That is am excellent point. As much as I may like a disabled individual, I *need* an able bodied person.

Then again, you and your partner could always hire help.

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Yes, I'm not ruling it out. But it would certainly make me stop and think about it real hard.

 

[ponderingturtle]

Bear in mind here I'm not looking for a date lol I know a ton of people are married! This just came up on the other thread and being as I am the closest disabled person I used myself as an example.

I wasn't figuring you were. Though as I do date and am open to new relationships I was answering for how it fits into my life at this time. I don't think I could commit to a relationship that started off with a major need for a care taking component.

For example I saw a woman who I would have messaged on a dating website who was in a wheelchair until I saw all the woo she was into. Lots of alt med.

 

[TubbaBlubba]

But it speaks to how much someone is willing to take on the role of caretaker at the beginning of a relationship

It's not necessarily that. Things that may seem utterly trivial to you may be a major hurdle to a disabled person. A lot of people would find that you made their lives a LOT easier without you even noticing it.