Why does bigfootery always equate to Monty Python? Like their cheese sketch modified for bigfoot.
(Skeptic walks in the door)
Skeptic: Good Morning.
ChrisBFRPKY: Good morning, Sir.
Skeptic: Ah, thank you, my good man.
ChrisBFRPKY: What can I do for you, Sir?
Skeptic: I'd like to see some bigfoot evidence please.
ChrisBFRPKY: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Skeptic: Well, eh, how about a few footprints?
ChrisBFRPKY: You mean footprints good enough to be used in a court case? I'm afraid I'm fresh out of those kind of footprints, sir.
Skeptic: Oh, never mind, how are you on photos?
ChrisBFRPKY: Photos are so 70's. These days everyone takes videos with their cell phones. Some day I'll learn to do that.
Skeptic: Tish tish. No matter. Well, some bigfoot saliva, if you please.
ChrisBFRPKY: Ah! I have *something*, though I can't show it to you until I'm certain it's bigfoot saliva. I may send it for DNA testing if I can get another sample.
Skeptic: Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, vocalizations?
ChrisBFRPKY: Sorry sir, I don't have a reliable recording device.
Skeptic: Hairs?
ChrisBFRPKY: Pffftttt!! Unless I plucked one directly from a squatch, why would I have hairs?
Skeptic: Of course. Reliable witness reports?
ChrisBFRPKY: One of the oldest on record is attributed to Daniel Boone himself. Boone not only witnessed a bigfoot, he shot it.
Skeptic: Of course he did. Fingerprints?
ChrisBFRPKY: (pause) No.
Skeptic: Scat, perhaps?
ChrisBFRPKY: Ah! I have scat, yessir.
Skeptic: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
ChrisBFRPKY: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)
Skeptic: What now?
ChrisBFRPKY: The cat's eaten it.
Skeptic: (pause) Has he.
ChrisBFRPKY: She, sir.
Skeptic: You...do *have* some evidence, don't you?
ChrisBFRPKY: (brightly) Of course, sir. I've got--
Skeptic: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
ChrisBFRPKY: Fair enough.
Skeptic: Bigfoot nests?
ChrisBFRPKY: No, I don't walk far enough into the woods to find them. You have to be out of the woods by dark you know.
Skeptic: (pause) Aah, how about some DNA results?
ChrisBFRPKY: Yes, yes, I do have that spit around here somewhere, but like I said, I'll wait to get it tested when I get another sample. To be honest, I don't have much faith in DNA testing.
Skeptic: Not much fa--- it's the single most supportive evidence in the world!
ChrisBFRPKY: Not 'round here, sir.
Skeptic: (slight pause) and what IS the most supportive evidence 'round hyah?
ChrisBFRPKY: My videos. Took one from only 15 feet away. Afraid I can't share that though, it might compromise my research area.
Skeptic: I see.
Owner: Oh, yes, I've yet to have a skeptic explain away the bigfoot I clearly see in the video. Why you can see movement and everything.
Skeptic: Uuh...movement?
ChrisBFRPKY: Yes sir. Plain as day.
Skeptic: Right. Okay. Have you got any bigfoot bones?
ChrisBFRPKY: I'll have a look, sir........nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Skeptic: You're not much of a bigfoot researcher, are you?
ChrisBFRPKY: Finest in the district!
Skeptic: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
ChrisBFRPKY: Well, did I mention I've seen a family of bigfoot?
Skeptic: I don't believe you did....
ChrisBFRPKY: (brightly) Say, you haven't asked me about definitive proof, sir.
Skeptic: Would it be worth it?
ChrisBFRPKY: Could be.... I live on a bigfoot migratory path you know.
Skeptic: (slowly) Have you got any definitive proof?
ChrisBFRPKY: No.
Skeptic: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
ChrisBFRPKY: Yessir?
Skeptic: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any evidence here at all?
ChrisBFRPKY: Yes, sir.
Skeptic: Really?
(pause)
ChrisBFRPKY: No. Not really, sir.
Skeptic: You haven't.
ChrisBFRPKY: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately BLAARGing you, sir.
Skeptic: Of that I have no doubt.
RayG