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zen

boy asks Master

One day, a thirteen-year-old boy came to Zen Master Seng-Ts’an’s temple, and bowed to
him.
The Master asked, “What teaching do you want?”
“Have compassion on me and give me the teaching that delivers all people from suffering.”
“Who bound you?”
“No one bound me.”
“If no one did, why do you want the teaching of deliverance?”
At this, the child was freed and said, “Thank you very much, Master.”
“What do you mean by this thank you?”
The child only stood up and bowed.
The Zen Master said, “Very good, wonderful.”
Afterwards, the child became the fourth Chinese patriarch, Tao-shin.
 
nowornever said:
One day long ago, Seung Sahn Soen Sa gave a speech to all his students.
“An egg is placed into a small-necked bottle, and kept warm. After twenty days, the egg
hatches and a small chick come out. Food is passed through the neck of the flask, and the
chick grows each day, bigger and bigger, until it is full-grown. At this point, the neck of the
jar is much too small for the chicken to get out.”
“How can you get him out without either breaking the jar or killing the chicken?”
Click to expand...
Unicorn.
 
nowornever said:
One day, a thirteen-year-old boy came to Zen Master Seng-Ts’an’s temple, and bowed to
him.
The Master asked, “What teaching do you want?”
“Have compassion on me and give me the teaching that delivers all people from suffering.”
“Who bound you?”
“No one bound me.”
“If no one did, why do you want the teaching of deliverance?”
At this, the child was freed and said, “Thank you very much, Master.”
“What do you mean by this thank you?”
The child only stood up and bowed.
The Zen Master said, “Very good, wonderful.”
Afterwards, the child became the fourth Chinese patriarch, Tao-shin.
Click to expand...

Shoehorn.
 
nowornever said:
One day, a thirteen-year-old boy came to Zen Master Seng-Ts’an’s temple, and bowed to
him.
The Master asked, “What teaching do you want?”
“Have compassion on me and give me the teaching that delivers all people from suffering.”
“Who bound you?”
“No one bound me.”
“If no one did, why do you want the teaching of deliverance?”
At this, the child was freed and said, “Thank you very much, Master.”
“What do you mean by this thank you?”
The child only stood up and bowed.
The Zen Master said, “Very good, wonderful.”
Afterwards, the child became the fourth Chinese patriarch, Tao-shin.
Click to expand...
Unicorn.
 
nowornever said:
One day, a thirteen-year-old boy came to Zen Master Seng-Ts’an’s temple, and bowed to
him.
The Master asked, “What teaching do you want?”
“Have compassion on me and give me the teaching that delivers all people from suffering.”
“Who bound you?”
“No one bound me.”
“If no one did, why do you want the teaching of deliverance?”
At this, the child was freed and said, “Thank you very much, Master.”
“What do you mean by this thank you?”
The child only stood up and bowed.
The Zen Master said, “Very good, wonderful.”
Afterwards, the child became the fourth Chinese patriarch, Tao-shin.
Click to expand...


Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting co-

MU!
 
nowornever said:
One day, a thirteen-year-old boy came to Zen Master Seng-Ts’an’s temple, and bowed to
him.
The Master asked, “What teaching do you want?”
“Have compassion on me and give me the teaching that delivers all people from suffering.”
“Who bound you?”
“No one bound me.”
“If no one did, why do you want the teaching of deliverance?”
At this, the child was freed and said, “Thank you very much, Master.”
“What do you mean by this thank you?”
The child only stood up and bowed.
The Zen Master said, “Very good, wonderful.”
Afterwards, the child became the fourth Chinese patriarch, Tao-shin.
Click to expand...

You have independent corroboration of this story?
 
nowornever said:
One day, a thirteen-year-old boy came to Zen Master Seng-Ts’an’s temple, and bowed to
him.
The Master asked, “What teaching do you want?”
“Have compassion on me and give me the teaching that delivers all people from suffering.”
“Who bound you?”
“No one bound me.”
“If no one did, why do you want the teaching of deliverance?”
At this, the child was freed and said, “Thank you very much, Master.”
“What do you mean by this thank you?”
The child only stood up and bowed.
The Zen Master said, “Very good, wonderful.”
Afterwards, the child became the fourth Chinese patriarch, Tao-shin.
Click to expand...

I found this on wikipedia, initially read it somewhere else:

One Pope, in the Dark Ages, decreed that all Jews had to leave Rome. The Jews did not want to leave, and so the Pope challenged them to a disputation to prove that they could remain. No one, however, wanted the responsibility... until the synagogue janitor, Moishe, volunteered.
As there was nobody else who wanted to go, Moishe was given the task. But because he knew only Hebrew, a silent debate was agreed. The day of the debate came, and they went to St. Peter's Square to sort out the decision. First the Pope waved his hand around his head. Moishe pointed firmly at the ground.
The Pope, in some surprise, held up three fingers. In response, Moishe gave him the middle finger.
The crowd started to complain, but the Pope thoughtfully waved them to be quiet. He took out a bottle of wine and a wafer, holding them up. Moishe took out an apple, and held it up.
The Pope, to the people’s surprise, said, "I concede. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
Later, the Pope was asked what the debate had meant. He explained, "First, I showed him the Heavens, to show that God is everywhere. He pointed at the ground to signify that God is right here with us. I showed him three fingers, for the Trinity. He reminded me that there is One God common to both our religions. I showed him wine and a wafer, for God's forgiveness. With an apple, he showed me original sin. The man was a master of silent debate."
In the Jewish corner, Moishe had the same question put to him, and answered, "It was all nonsense, really. First, he told me that this whole town would be free of Jews. I told him, Go to Hell! We’re staying right here! Then, he told me we had three days to get out. I told him just what I thought of that proposal." An older woman asked, "But what about the part at the end?" "That?" said Moishe with a shrug, "Well, I saw him take out his lunch, so I took out mine."
Click to expand...
 
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems.
 
hit

The student came and sat in front of Seung Sahn. Seung Sahn hit him and said, “Do you
understand?”
“Yes, I do.”
Then I ask you: This stick, the sound it makes, and your mind—are they different or the
same?”
“They’re the same… no, they’re different… no, they’re both different and the same.”
“If you say they’re the same, I’ll hit you thirty times. If you say they’re different, I’ll hit you
thirty times. If you say both, I’ll hit you sixty times.”
The student covered his mouth with his hands and returned to his seat.
 
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nowornever said:
The student came and sat in front of Soen Sa. Soen Sa hit him and said, “Do you
understand?”
“Yes, I do.”
Then I ask you: This stick, the sound it makes, and your mind—are they different or the
same?”
“They’re the same… no, they’re different… no, they’re both different and the same.”
“If you say they’re the same, I’ll hit you thirty times. If you say they’re different, I’ll hit you
thirty times. If you say both, I’ll hit you sixty times.”
The student covered his mouth with his hands and returned to his seat.
Click to expand...

Why didn't he beat the crap out of him?
 
nowornever said:
The student came and sat in front of Soen Sa. Soen Sa hit him and said, “Do you
understand?”
“Yes, I do.”
Then I ask you: This stick, the sound it makes, and your mind—are they different or the
same?”
“They’re the same… no, they’re different… no, they’re both different and the same.”
“If you say they’re the same, I’ll hit you thirty times. If you say they’re different, I’ll hit you
thirty times. If you say both, I’ll hit you sixty times.”
The student covered his mouth with his hands and returned to his seat.
Click to expand...

And then what happened?
 
nowornever said:
The student came and sat in front of Soen Sa. Soen Sa hit him and said, “Do you
understand?”
“Yes, I do.”
Then I ask you: This stick, the sound it makes, and your mind—are they different or the
same?”
“They’re the same… no, they’re different… no, they’re both different and the same.”
“If you say they’re the same, I’ll hit you thirty times. If you say they’re different, I’ll hit you
thirty times. If you say both, I’ll hit you sixty times.”
The student covered his mouth with his hands and returned to his seat.
Click to expand...

Is there going to be a point, at some point?
 
nowornever said:
The student came and sat in front of Soen Sa. Soen Sa hit him and said, “Do you
understand?”
“Yes, I do.”
Then I ask you: This stick, the sound it makes, and your mind—are they different or the
same?”
“They’re the same… no, they’re different… no, they’re both different and the same.”
“If you say they’re the same, I’ll hit you thirty times. If you say they’re different, I’ll hit you
thirty times. If you say both, I’ll hit you sixty times.”
The student covered his mouth with his hands and returned to his seat.
Click to expand...
Incorrect answer - Unicorn.
 
Q: How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?
A: A man who is at two with the universe
 
Zen Judaism

The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
The Buddha says there is no "self."
So, maybe you are off the hook.
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.
 
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