Yet another solution to the Pirate Problem

gumboot said:
Something tells me these pirates aren't exactly the brightest bulbs in the room. I mean, in 2006 the idiots tried to take on two US warships - a destroyer and a cruiser.
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Let's not forget the geniuses that opened fire on an Indian warship and then were promptly sent to the bottom.

Get this:
The pirates had threatened to blow up the INS Tabar after Indian officers asked the pirate vessel to stop on Tuesday to be searched in the Gulf of Aden, the Indian navy said. Officials said they had also spotted pirates with rocket-propelled grenade launchers on the vessel.

The pirate vessel then opened fire on the Indian ship, which, according to GlobalSecurity.org, is a 122-metre vessel, carrying cruise missiles, surface-to-air missiles and six-barreled 30-mm machine guns for close combat.

"INS Tabar retaliated in self-defence and opened fire on the mother vessel," the navy said in a statement.
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C S Costa said:
Now it's being reported that some passengers initially spoiled the boarding by hurling tables and chairs at the pirates.
Maybe if we just armed all the passengers with furniture....
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In principle I see no problem with this, providing that the furniture is kept in a safe and only opened by the captain in case of pirate attack.
 
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Eddie Dane said:
Let's not forget the geniuses that opened fire on an Indian warship and then were promptly sent to the bottom.
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Unfortunately the ship the Indians sunk wasn't a pirate ship, but a civilian vessel - the FV Ekawat Nava 5, which had just been hijacked by pirates.

Another bunch of pirates got a bit of a surprise on 30 March this year when they tried to board a tanker only to discover it was the FGS Spessart - a replenishment ship of the Germany Navy. Needless to say those pirates ended up dead or captured.
 
The more information I get about this pirate problem, the more I'm convinced that some simple defensive measures will bring it to a screeching halt.

I suspect that those Israeli security guards weren't exactly commando's either, more likely rent-a-cops that keep the peace on the ship.

There has been much talk of escalation. of pirates changing tactics and using more force, a kind of arms race.
But they seem so incredibly incompetent, that I'm starting to suspect they'll be completely out of ideas once they're confronted with some barbed wire, floodlights, pressure hoses and an assault rifle or two.

The only thing that impresses me about them is how determined they can be. See the hijacking of the Russian arm ship. They didn't budge in the face of some pretty daunting military force, and held out until they had negotiated a ransom.
 
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Eddie Dane said:
The more information I get about this pirate problem, the more I'm convinced that some simple defensive measures will bring it to a screeching halt.

I suspect that those Israeli security guards weren't exactly commando's either, more likely rent-a-cops that keep the peace on the ship.
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Pretty much. They were ex-IDF, but given Israel has conscription it's more likely they had basic weapons training than they were ex-Commandos.
 
gumboot said:
Pretty much. They were ex-IDF, but given Israel has conscription it's more likely they had basic weapons training than they were ex-Commandos.
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Everybody I know in Israel is ex-IDF. Some of them would be intimidated by rough toilet paper.

That's conscription for ya. They all have to go.
 
Eddie Dane said:
Oh crap.

Was the crew still on board?
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Yup. One killed, one survived, the other 14 crew? Unknown.

Reading some of these accounts is actually quite entertaining. In one case the French paid a ransom, then tracked the pirates back to dry land and grabbed them with special forces, recovering the ransom money in the process.

In a case of beautiful karma, so far no less than five of the pirates that scored the record $15 million ransom for the Sirius Star immediately drowned when their crappy little boat capsized.
 
Eddie Dane said:
Everybody I know in Israel is ex-IDF. Some of them would be intimidated by rough toilet paper.

That's conscription for ya. They all have to go.
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Yeah, but the pirates are "sunshine warriors". Open fire on them and they fold like bad origami. The pirates would've been scared away even if they handed out firearms to the ten worst drunks in the bar.
 
Father Dagon said:
Yeah, but the pirates are "sunshine warriors". Open fire on them and they fold like bad origami. The pirates would've been scared away even if they handed out firearms to the ten worst drunks in the bar.
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You know, I've always thought that being on a cruise would be my idea of hell.
But I'm really starting to warm up to the idea.

As soon as they allow cocaine and guns on board, I'm booking a suite!
 
C S Costa said:
Now it's being reported that some passengers initially spoiled the boarding by hurling tables and chairs at the pirates.
Maybe if we just armed all the passengers with furniture....
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And armed all freighters with enough tourists.
 
Eddie Dane said:
You know, I've always thought that being on a cruise would be my idea of hell.
But I'm really starting to warm up to the idea.

As soon as they allow cocaine and guns on board, I'm booking a suite!
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How about a compromise? We supply you with amyl nitrate/poppers and a Red Ryder BB gun? The rest of us will provide fire support by throwing shuffleboard pieces.

And speaking of cruises. What do you do when you are in Stockholm and want to do the city? You take the ferry to Finland.
 
Father Dagon said:
How about a compromise? We supply you with amyl nitrate/poppers and a Red Ryder BB gun? The rest of us will provide fire support by throwing shuffleboard pieces.

And speaking of cruises. What do you do when you are in Stockholm and want to do the city? You take the ferry to Finland.
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No go.

How about some weed and a Glock nine?
 
A cruise ship you say? Well hell's afire, men! Right there is a bran-new business niche: Q-Ship Cruises!

We've already seen tourism to dangerous countries: you pay a hefty fee for the fun of travelling in, say, Bihar or the Golden Triangle or the Shining Path's Private Peru; Former Yugo was big a decade ago.

So why not armed cruises off the scenic Somali Coast? Or the Straights of Molucca? Or certain areas of the Caribbean? Fares would be scaled according to the armament you man, starting with the Basic Kalashnikov Stateroom, through the RPG Suite, up to the Deluxe Twin Fifty Balcony Cabin.

Instead of lifeboat drill, passengers would receive training in how to look like hapless elderly millionaires taking the sun. "Remember, when the armed prau comes close, spill your maitai and fake a heart attack. Your steward will call off the range as it decreases. No tracers beyond 200 meters, please; they give away your postion."

I can't write up a whole prospectus here. Should I move to Business and Economics with this?
 
Maybe FORD could open a car factory in Somalia and give all the pirates a 9-5 job. Then Citibank could lend them some dodgy mortgages on their mud huts and before you know it they would all be happy capitalists like the rest of us.
 
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