Would you like a funeral?

I'm selfish, so I have a request of my own for when I die, presently. Albeit, it's very circumstancial, but I would prefer it above some silly ceremony. My request, specifically would be to decompose in the wilderness, somewhere free from human contamination, so that it would go directly back to nature. I don't care what happens to it, and to put it most bluntly, a bear could rape my corpse, I wouldn't think twice of it. What I'm concerned with is that my carbon is given back to nature and that I die like our stupid ape cousins. I sure hope no one like the Flanders comes around and buries me:rolleyes:. If my future family has some objections I may change my mind, but it better not be on religious grounds.
 
I was told the best skeletons are made at the Smithsonian. They have a room full of BUGS! They eat everything off and leave a clean white skeleton! Too cool!
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Yeah, I saw something about that on the teevee once. They say it is the most efficient and sanitary way to do it. The bugs leave no flesh at all.
 
bugs get us all....

Unless you can get your family to go for the peat bog thing, or you are a saint (well, some say...) you are pretty much going to be eaten by bugs anyway. That or my friend had to dig up her uncle and she claims after 6months in the ground he looked like something you'd left in Tupperware in the fridge too long...yick!At least my bugs will be from the Smithsonian! Not those common forest dwelling types.
 
Um, the problem with cannibalism is Kuru. Basically "Mad Cow" disease for people.

Other human specific parasites can survive if you're not butchered and prepared properly. It gives the bugs and bacteria a good long taste of what people tastes like, they adapt, and are better prepared to start eating YOU back.

Touching as replaying the Monty Python ("Not RAW! She's be delicious with some brocolli and french fries!" oh wait, call that "Freedom Fries"), it's not a good idea. Especially if you had something infectious that nobody diagnosed.

Plastination
More Plastination
There are some organizations that dissect and plastinate human corpses for permanent display; for anatomical study and education. We could donate our bodies for plastination, and they'd be used for permanent medical examples... and in some cases, art.

If you want to "rot" naturally, then you could always donate your body to the "Body Farm". No guarantees where they leave you. Your bones will probably end up filed away in a box.
 
LillyThePink said:
Everyone goes to the pub. preferably to do karaoke, but its optional.
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Sounds like a good idea to me. I'd want to leave behind some cash so me friends could drink for free.
 
As a Norwegian I really don't have that many options for the actual deposition of my body. Dead people here have to be put in cemeteries, or their ashes can be strewn over the open ocean or on the uninhabited mountain plateaus.

Questioninggeller:
I hope you don't have any 'friends' who are overly keen on free drinks.

That reminds me, gotta write a will that doesn't tempt any relatives to bump me off. Too bad Norwegian law doesn't allow you to write anyone completely out...
 
Smalso said:

To paraphrase (badly) Winston Churchill, I think: I have never wished anyone dead, but there are some funerals I would gladly attend.
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That was very funny :D

But, even in my worst's enemy funeral, I would be bored.
I really dislike funerals, although I have only been in two funeral in my entire life (as a child).

Q-S
 
Okay, I think I've got my basic funeral plan:

I will be buried before the actual funeral, and a look-alike wearing a suit will lie still in a casket for the ceremony. When the time comes to bury my "body," a band will play a dirge as the casket is about to be lowered, but it will also signal my look-alike to jump out of the casket and start dancing. The band will play something more upbeat and... I don't know, a van will stop by with tables, food, and a full keg of beer. There will be a catered feast, and objects in my will are handed out as prizes for olympic-ish events such as foot races around the cemetary. Of course, my double will have to explain much of it once the beer van arrives.

It will be the least practical funeral in recorded history.
 
If my friends want to get drunk in my memory, let the do so. I will not, however, leave any money behind so that they can drink for free. They've drunk enough off me while I was alive. They want to get drunk, they can damn well pay for it this time.:D
 
Re: donate body?

kittynh said:
Am I the only one that plans on donating my body to science? My kids are into doing that too (oh wouldn't that go down well with the relatives...) I'm not an athiest, but I really don't think I'm going to know what happens after I die. I do get a kick out of thinking about med students chopping me up and making funny jokes. My kids think it would be cool if we could be made into skeletons! At my college we used to decorate the skeleton's and they were "invited" to every party. Now that's a fun thought...
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Depending on it's condition that's where my remains are going as well.
 
would you like a funeral

I want to have my dead corpse cremated,put into one of those Scud misiles,fired into the air and have the anti aircraft guns blast it (they better not miss)while Jimmi Hendrix's "star spangled banner" plays real loud..
go out with a BANG you could say:D
 
I would want my body dressed up in various articles of clothing and jewelery from many different time periods, have a briefcase stuffed with WWII sectet files cuffed to my wrist, a flintlock on my belt, and a cell phone with the kremlin phone # programmed into it in my breast pocket.

As the budget permits, smuggle my body into one of the pyramids, or descreetly put me in orbit around the moon.
 
Weird one, Source. You aren't thinking of checking out on us, are you? (Please don't...)

I told my wife to go the cheap route: Find a ditch between here and Gilroy and just roll my ass in. Seriously, who wants a funeral? Why? So a bunch of cheap-assed liars can gather around and eat your family's food and drink your family's beer, and tell people what a wonderful person they thought you were, when they wouldn't have gotten within five feet of you on a good day?

So, just find a good deep ditch along the 680, roll me in, then pop open a case of ale and drink one to me if you're in the mood. Otherwise, don't waste your time.
 
Make sure you make your feelings well known!

My grandfather's funeral was last week. Like everyone in my family (except his wife, my grandmother) he was an atheist.

My grandmother chose the officiant, an utter pig of a man who happens to be the priest from her bible study or something.

He refused to speak to anyone in my family other than my grandmother, snatched the order of service we had prepared from my mother's hand and told her "it will be something like this" and told my mother that we could not have the soloist that my mother had arranged because she was going to sing a version of The Lord is My Shepherd that we could not sing along to. He refused to introduce my father and myself before we spoke, or my brother before he played. And he gave what I swear was a 20 minute prayer all about suffering and pain and so forth. My granddad was a very optimistic man but even aside from that he wasn't actually in any pain until the very end of his life. The priest made him out to be some sort of stoic martyr and really he was just a guy who loved life.

Anyway, we just keep telling ourselves that for some reason that depressing rubbish offered comfort to my grandma.

So basically, my advice - if you want it a certain way - make sure someone with some sense will be in charge.
 
Re: Re: Re: Would you like a funeral?

tjwojo said:


That is a very ... poetic ... wish. I like it.

It is also very practical, as it would save your family a lot of money in costs.

I also do not need a box to contain the mass of material that was once me. I would rather my memory be honored than my body, as that is the only part of me that could be immortal.
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This cannot be done, it is illegal. But this is legal:

You can have your body mulched into fertalizer. Your family will get bags of fertilizer. My wife knows that if I do she better have me mulched and spread me around some flowers in the mountains or I'm gonna come back and haunt her (or somethign hehehee)

I also think it would be funny to give my religious relatives a bag of fertalizer made of me. That should really freak them out =)
 
Roadtoad said:

So, just find a good deep ditch along the 680, roll me in, then pop open a case of ale and drink one to me if you're in the mood. Otherwise, don't waste your time.
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That is a good idea, no funeral at all.

In Mexico, it is a common practice that when people die, family and friends have to pray for the dead's soul during NINE days... :eek:

So, it means that your family has to give free food and drinks to everybody during nine long days.

Considering the suffering of the widow and children for the lost, this religious practice is terrible winding. :mad:

Q-S
 
LillyThePink said:
Is burial still really big over in the US?

Mostly in the UK, we go for cremation. Then again, we haven't got the space you guys have ;)

I've only been to 3 burials - all Catholics.
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Catholics have some of the best wakes...

Anyway, my b/h wants to be cremated and her ashes cast from the top of the Azure Window, which, if I'm still about, I'll be happy to do. Although I dunno how I'm going to explain that one to Maltese customs!

Me, I want to go in the family grave, but the cheapest coffin will do. Preferably made out of cardboard in case the doctors get it wrong...
 
Billy TK...au contraire mon frere...My Scottish family gives the best wakes. Until someone dies, nobody talks to each other. At the funeral, everyone is cordial but aloof.

At the reception people start to open up a bit and a bit of hugging and handshaking takes place.

At the wake everyone starts drinking and keeps drinking until they all are locked arm in arm and singing and loving and pronouncing an end to all the feuds.

For a brief few hours we are one happy family, then when everyone sobers up, back to the feuding a fighting.
 
jimmygun said:
Billy TK...au contraire mon frere...My Scottish family gives the best wakes. Until someone dies, nobody talks to each other. At the funeral, everyone is cordial but aloof.

At the reception people start to open up a bit and a bit of hugging and handshaking takes place.

At the wake everyone starts drinking and keeps drinking until they all are locked arm in arm and singing and loving and pronouncing an end to all the feuds.

For a brief few hours we are one happy family, then when everyone sobers up, back to the feuding a fighting.
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okeydoke, catholics and jimmygun's Scottish family give the best wakes.

D'accord, maintenant? ;)
 
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