ChristineR
Illuminator
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2006
- Messages
- 3,180
Hey, Jews are welcome! Once they admit to the truth, that is...
WooWoo 101: A Guide
- Thread starter uk_dave
- Start date
-
- Tags
- conspiracy theory guide
Chapter 3
Fame and fortune
You will, from time to time, as a fledgling woowoo ask yourself "What's it all for?"
These moments of self doubt are to be expected after your turbulent induction into woowooland. You have given up your loving relationship, long hours online have damaged your business/employment/college/kindergarten activities and you have sacrificed long held beliefs regarding equality and gun control in favour of acceptance by the young men of CT central.
Quite rightly you are beginning to wonder "What's in it for me?"
Obviously the chance to be part of a movement which will overthrow the evil NWO and create a utopia on earth has long since become a rather embarassing fantasy for you. You now realise that spending a disproportionate amount of you time chatting with young men online is not going to change the world, though you do now have a greater appreciation of gangsta rap and you're thinking of buying a skateboard.
But, naturally, you want more.
There are some within your movement (fearless keyboard warriors all) who have embraced the potential of the internet and exploited ...... no, utilised it to it's full potential.
But even these steely eyed young lions are looking to break out from 'geekdom' and take their place upon the world stage.
So it is at this point, young jedi truthseeker, that you must ingratiate yourself into the good books (or outlook address books) of the chosen ones, the leaders, if you will, of the pack.
A handy tip is to agree with everything they say (or type).
There are many and varied theories floating around in your world and it is the priviledge of the chosen ones to pick and choose which theories are to be persued, and which are to be cast aside. Choose wisely young truthwarrior for to pick the wrong theory may relegate you to the fringe of your chosen clan and you may never mate with those within.
An obvious aspiration of the fully fledged woowoo is to appear on television, engage in witty discourse with various celebraties and possibly have sex with a pnuematic blonde called 'glenda'. They might also, through this tv, chat and 'bonk' fest also secure a deal with a well known obscure production company for the latest version of their opus, or even film.
Having positioned yourself within their ranks as someone who they might "just about be able to get by without, but you do make them laugh and they kinda feel sorry for you, in a way", you are perfectly placed to also benefit from the fiscal success of their endeavours and may even be able to pay off that mounting credit card debt.
But a word of caution. On no account associate yourself with the production company of your woowoo film. merely content yourself as a humble gofer mopping the tired brow of the 'artiste' and scoring some high grade lebanese gold.
Production companies may well be where the money is, but they are also the prime target for those maligned by your chosen CT opus and as such you credit card bill is going to expire once the law suits start to arrive.
Fame and fortune
You will, from time to time, as a fledgling woowoo ask yourself "What's it all for?"
These moments of self doubt are to be expected after your turbulent induction into woowooland. You have given up your loving relationship, long hours online have damaged your business/employment/college/kindergarten activities and you have sacrificed long held beliefs regarding equality and gun control in favour of acceptance by the young men of CT central.
Quite rightly you are beginning to wonder "What's in it for me?"
Obviously the chance to be part of a movement which will overthrow the evil NWO and create a utopia on earth has long since become a rather embarassing fantasy for you. You now realise that spending a disproportionate amount of you time chatting with young men online is not going to change the world, though you do now have a greater appreciation of gangsta rap and you're thinking of buying a skateboard.
But, naturally, you want more.
There are some within your movement (fearless keyboard warriors all) who have embraced the potential of the internet and exploited ...... no, utilised it to it's full potential.
But even these steely eyed young lions are looking to break out from 'geekdom' and take their place upon the world stage.
So it is at this point, young jedi truthseeker, that you must ingratiate yourself into the good books (or outlook address books) of the chosen ones, the leaders, if you will, of the pack.
A handy tip is to agree with everything they say (or type).
There are many and varied theories floating around in your world and it is the priviledge of the chosen ones to pick and choose which theories are to be persued, and which are to be cast aside. Choose wisely young truthwarrior for to pick the wrong theory may relegate you to the fringe of your chosen clan and you may never mate with those within.
An obvious aspiration of the fully fledged woowoo is to appear on television, engage in witty discourse with various celebraties and possibly have sex with a pnuematic blonde called 'glenda'. They might also, through this tv, chat and 'bonk' fest also secure a deal with a well known obscure production company for the latest version of their opus, or even film.
Having positioned yourself within their ranks as someone who they might "just about be able to get by without, but you do make them laugh and they kinda feel sorry for you, in a way", you are perfectly placed to also benefit from the fiscal success of their endeavours and may even be able to pay off that mounting credit card debt.
But a word of caution. On no account associate yourself with the production company of your woowoo film. merely content yourself as a humble gofer mopping the tired brow of the 'artiste' and scoring some high grade lebanese gold.
Production companies may well be where the money is, but they are also the prime target for those maligned by your chosen CT opus and as such you credit card bill is going to expire once the law suits start to arrive.
Chapter 6 (well, I did say this was just a sample)
Disinformation
So you're now a fully fledged paid up member of the CT fraternity.
Relationship breakdown and problems at work aside, the future is looking rosey for you. You have new friends and old friends look at you differently now. You believe you have the inside story on many of the worlds major events and can hold court to rapt audiences of friends and co-workers with your tales of devious plots and complex conspiracies and no one can raise any contrary argument you are not able to immediately counter or ignore.
But you are also troubled by a growing realisation that some of the people you associate with in your CT investigations may not be 'all there'.
This feeling is reinforced by many encounters with skeptical thinkers who take sadistic delight in pointing out the most absurd claims of your CT fellow travellers.
But do not dispair young master woo, for all is not as it seems.
It is important for the enlightened CT to understand that evil forces are at work in the world and that these forces will stoop as low as to plant their own operatives within your ranks to spread discord and confusion.
Treat EVERYONE with suspicion. Even the most seemingly committed CT enthusiast may just be a government disinfo agent waiting for his chance to reveal his true intent. This will normally occur after you have placed your trust in his integrity and used his incredible (but strangely credible) research in your first youtube/google video.
Many a CT has fallen due to the evil machinations of the disinfo agents, so don't let it happen to you.
It is wise to treat all 'theories' regarding the true nature of the CT of choice as being suspect. You already do so with the so called 'official version' and so it should be easy for you to apply that same logic to the theories of your 'colleagues'. Only by doing this will you remain safe and avoid the embarassment of discovering that your research assistant actully claims to believe that the wreck of the titanic was actually transported to bodmin moor by space aliens and used as a refuge for homeless pumas.
Of course such a CT is patently absurd and can only be the work of the government which fears your incessant questioning of every damn thing they do, have done or will do.
As a useful checklist, the sturdy CTer should consider all of the following to be disinfo:
1. Demolition of the WTC towers by thermit/thermate
2. Demolition of the WTC towers by space beam/microwave oven/organic cheese
3. Demolition of the WTC towers by the ghosts of native american/alien indians reclaiming their ancient burial grounds
4. Demolition of the WTC towers by missiles fired from the front/pod/tail/seat 45f of the passenger aircraft
5. Demolition of the WTC towers by cruise/suri/hellfire/titan missile disguised as a passenger aircraft by holographic projection/papier mache/jedi mind control
6. Demolition of the WTC towers by preplanted/built in silent explosive devices
7. Demolition of the WTC towers by termites
8. Demolition of the WTC towers by uri geller
9. Demolition of the WTC towers by James Randi
10. Godzilla
(of course Godzilla might be worth considering given that the French restarted nuclear testing in the pacific and there are alot of french people in New York. And, you can't trust the French.)
Disinfo can be extremely damaging to your cause and must be fought against.
Agents can be very subtle (just watch the Matrix for a text book example) and are not always called 'smith', though most are. Some are also called Jones. In the hierarchy of Disinfo agents, ordinary level one "sow doubt" agents are called Smith, and level five (top level and most dangerous) are called Jones.
(if you encounter a 'smith & jones' pairing be cautious but try not to worry too much as they are probably a UK comedy duo from the 80's)
Intermediate level disinfo agents are allowed to choose their own names provided that these are not 'smith' or 'jones' unless that is their real name in which case they must be known by some combination of the words 'town' and 'kill'.
The complexity of the naming of agents is just another sign that you are on to something and will no doubt enthrall your co-workers at the forthcoming office christmas party (The date of which may be changed suddenly without your knowledge as the disinfo agents conspire with your employer against you and pay off the entire workforce to remain silent - Be aware!)
The MO of the disinfo agent, apart from presenting laughably absurd theories which only skeptics and the general public would believe they are serious about, is to appear quite totally and utterly mad.
Remember, they are NOT mad, but are cunningly pretending to be.
If you have any doubts about this just consider that mad people have nervous ticks around their eyes, drool uncontrollably and usually wear those jackets with the sleeves which tie up at the back. You don't need to be a psychiatrist, psychologist or clever to tell if someone is mad or not, just use your eyes and your membership at the local DVD rental store (Though be warned - all DVD cases come with a gps chip enabling the government to track your rentals and how many times you replay the same scene in the movie. If the government agents manage to place a hardcore porn dvd into the case of the copy of "12 monkeys" you thought you had rented, on no account play the porn dvd past the 3 minute mark, no matter how curious you are to see if there is some hidden meaning/message contained therein)
In conclusion and summary, do not trust anyone you encounter at anytime anywhere for any reason as they are all in the pay/pocket of the NWO/Reptoids/Masons/Bilderbergers/ACLU.
In fact a good course of action now that you are a fully aware, informed and enlightened CTer is to not talk/correspond with anyone from this point onwards. They are all out to get you and only shutting yourself away in a darkened room with tin foil on the walls and ceilings and a years supply of nachos will save you.
Disinformation
So you're now a fully fledged paid up member of the CT fraternity.
Relationship breakdown and problems at work aside, the future is looking rosey for you. You have new friends and old friends look at you differently now. You believe you have the inside story on many of the worlds major events and can hold court to rapt audiences of friends and co-workers with your tales of devious plots and complex conspiracies and no one can raise any contrary argument you are not able to immediately counter or ignore.
But you are also troubled by a growing realisation that some of the people you associate with in your CT investigations may not be 'all there'.
This feeling is reinforced by many encounters with skeptical thinkers who take sadistic delight in pointing out the most absurd claims of your CT fellow travellers.
But do not dispair young master woo, for all is not as it seems.
It is important for the enlightened CT to understand that evil forces are at work in the world and that these forces will stoop as low as to plant their own operatives within your ranks to spread discord and confusion.
Treat EVERYONE with suspicion. Even the most seemingly committed CT enthusiast may just be a government disinfo agent waiting for his chance to reveal his true intent. This will normally occur after you have placed your trust in his integrity and used his incredible (but strangely credible) research in your first youtube/google video.
Many a CT has fallen due to the evil machinations of the disinfo agents, so don't let it happen to you.
It is wise to treat all 'theories' regarding the true nature of the CT of choice as being suspect. You already do so with the so called 'official version' and so it should be easy for you to apply that same logic to the theories of your 'colleagues'. Only by doing this will you remain safe and avoid the embarassment of discovering that your research assistant actully claims to believe that the wreck of the titanic was actually transported to bodmin moor by space aliens and used as a refuge for homeless pumas.
Of course such a CT is patently absurd and can only be the work of the government which fears your incessant questioning of every damn thing they do, have done or will do.
As a useful checklist, the sturdy CTer should consider all of the following to be disinfo:
1. Demolition of the WTC towers by thermit/thermate
2. Demolition of the WTC towers by space beam/microwave oven/organic cheese
3. Demolition of the WTC towers by the ghosts of native american/alien indians reclaiming their ancient burial grounds
4. Demolition of the WTC towers by missiles fired from the front/pod/tail/seat 45f of the passenger aircraft
5. Demolition of the WTC towers by cruise/suri/hellfire/titan missile disguised as a passenger aircraft by holographic projection/papier mache/jedi mind control
6. Demolition of the WTC towers by preplanted/built in silent explosive devices
7. Demolition of the WTC towers by termites
8. Demolition of the WTC towers by uri geller
9. Demolition of the WTC towers by James Randi
10. Godzilla
(of course Godzilla might be worth considering given that the French restarted nuclear testing in the pacific and there are alot of french people in New York. And, you can't trust the French.)
Disinfo can be extremely damaging to your cause and must be fought against.
Agents can be very subtle (just watch the Matrix for a text book example) and are not always called 'smith', though most are. Some are also called Jones. In the hierarchy of Disinfo agents, ordinary level one "sow doubt" agents are called Smith, and level five (top level and most dangerous) are called Jones.
(if you encounter a 'smith & jones' pairing be cautious but try not to worry too much as they are probably a UK comedy duo from the 80's)
Intermediate level disinfo agents are allowed to choose their own names provided that these are not 'smith' or 'jones' unless that is their real name in which case they must be known by some combination of the words 'town' and 'kill'.
The complexity of the naming of agents is just another sign that you are on to something and will no doubt enthrall your co-workers at the forthcoming office christmas party (The date of which may be changed suddenly without your knowledge as the disinfo agents conspire with your employer against you and pay off the entire workforce to remain silent - Be aware!)
The MO of the disinfo agent, apart from presenting laughably absurd theories which only skeptics and the general public would believe they are serious about, is to appear quite totally and utterly mad.
Remember, they are NOT mad, but are cunningly pretending to be.
If you have any doubts about this just consider that mad people have nervous ticks around their eyes, drool uncontrollably and usually wear those jackets with the sleeves which tie up at the back. You don't need to be a psychiatrist, psychologist or clever to tell if someone is mad or not, just use your eyes and your membership at the local DVD rental store (Though be warned - all DVD cases come with a gps chip enabling the government to track your rentals and how many times you replay the same scene in the movie. If the government agents manage to place a hardcore porn dvd into the case of the copy of "12 monkeys" you thought you had rented, on no account play the porn dvd past the 3 minute mark, no matter how curious you are to see if there is some hidden meaning/message contained therein)
In conclusion and summary, do not trust anyone you encounter at anytime anywhere for any reason as they are all in the pay/pocket of the NWO/Reptoids/Masons/Bilderbergers/ACLU.
In fact a good course of action now that you are a fully aware, informed and enlightened CTer is to not talk/correspond with anyone from this point onwards. They are all out to get you and only shutting yourself away in a darkened room with tin foil on the walls and ceilings and a years supply of nachos will save you.
Last edited:
For an example of low level disinfo agents at work the following link is advised:
http://z10.invisionfree.com/Loose_Change_Forum/index.php?showtopic=1435
Though this author cannot claim with 100% certainty whether these people are disinfo or just (to use pyshological terminology) 'completely bonkers' without the availability of a youtube video.
http://z10.invisionfree.com/Loose_Change_Forum/index.php?showtopic=1435
Though this author cannot claim with 100% certainty whether these people are disinfo or just (to use pyshological terminology) 'completely bonkers' without the availability of a youtube video.
Chapter 10
Insanity
"Are you insane?"
As a fully paid up member of the CT fraternity, with your own collection of dvd's, black t-shirts and a bookshelf creaking under the weight of 2 or 3 famous works by some people, you are likely, on occasion, to encounter the above question.
As you and this writer both know, of course you're not mad. You just see the world diffrently to ordinary people.
Ordinary people lead ordinary lives oblivious to the machinations going on behind their backs.
They take the 'slings and arrows' of life in their stride, assuming (incorrectly) that stuff just happens and you have to roll with the blows.
But you know they are wrong.
When an ordinary person gets passed over for promotion, is it because they aren't worthy of that promotion? Or could it be that during their coffee break one day they happened upon prisonplanet.com or inforwars.com, and the IT snitches in their company reported this to the CEO who (obviously) didn't like the idea of a possible subversive working their way up through the ranks of the company?
So, voila! No promotion for you, sonny! Score one for the NWO
Likewise, when the average joe (or Jane) is engaged in social interaction with his (or her) peers and they find that the conversation just dries up when they participate, do they take comfort from the knowledge that these are intellectually little people unable to grasp the concept of a complex conspiracy involving millions of people over thousands of years, as a committed CTer would? Or do they blame themselves for their social inadequacies and promise never to go to parties again?
To the rest of the world, you look, sound and act as if you are MAD!
Embrace this fact. Because you are not mad, you're just different.
Special
And you know the truth which millions of 'ordinary' people don't know:
The world is exciting and stuff never happens by random chance or anything, it's always because someone somewhere is doing something at sometime which has some effect on your life and if you could only get to those people you would have control of your life back and things wouldn't seem so weird all the time and maybe the headaches would stop and you'd be able to talk to girls without blushing or ask for a pay raise knowing that the nwo wasn't blocking it so you could be confident and maybe move out of your parants house and people wouldn't be laughing at you all the time, even though they hide it...just like they hide being reptiles.
On the other hand, you might be suffering from a chemical imbalance within your brain which is leading to psychotic episodes which can be treated with medication. You just have to trust the doctors....and their scaly hands...
Insanity
"Are you insane?"
As a fully paid up member of the CT fraternity, with your own collection of dvd's, black t-shirts and a bookshelf creaking under the weight of 2 or 3 famous works by some people, you are likely, on occasion, to encounter the above question.
As you and this writer both know, of course you're not mad. You just see the world diffrently to ordinary people.
Ordinary people lead ordinary lives oblivious to the machinations going on behind their backs.
They take the 'slings and arrows' of life in their stride, assuming (incorrectly) that stuff just happens and you have to roll with the blows.
But you know they are wrong.
When an ordinary person gets passed over for promotion, is it because they aren't worthy of that promotion? Or could it be that during their coffee break one day they happened upon prisonplanet.com or inforwars.com, and the IT snitches in their company reported this to the CEO who (obviously) didn't like the idea of a possible subversive working their way up through the ranks of the company?
So, voila! No promotion for you, sonny! Score one for the NWO
Likewise, when the average joe (or Jane) is engaged in social interaction with his (or her) peers and they find that the conversation just dries up when they participate, do they take comfort from the knowledge that these are intellectually little people unable to grasp the concept of a complex conspiracy involving millions of people over thousands of years, as a committed CTer would? Or do they blame themselves for their social inadequacies and promise never to go to parties again?
To the rest of the world, you look, sound and act as if you are MAD!
Embrace this fact. Because you are not mad, you're just different.
Special
And you know the truth which millions of 'ordinary' people don't know:
The world is exciting and stuff never happens by random chance or anything, it's always because someone somewhere is doing something at sometime which has some effect on your life and if you could only get to those people you would have control of your life back and things wouldn't seem so weird all the time and maybe the headaches would stop and you'd be able to talk to girls without blushing or ask for a pay raise knowing that the nwo wasn't blocking it so you could be confident and maybe move out of your parants house and people wouldn't be laughing at you all the time, even though they hide it...just like they hide being reptiles.
On the other hand, you might be suffering from a chemical imbalance within your brain which is leading to psychotic episodes which can be treated with medication. You just have to trust the doctors....and their scaly hands...
ConspiRaider
Writer of Nothingnesses
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2006
- Messages
- 11,156
Different measuring methodology, not sure it would work.
JREFers pool our knowledge and so our collective IQ just keeps growing.
Twoofers, although they pool, never increase the collective of the IQ higher than the IQ of the lowest member. And man do they have some low members. Since 28IQ joined their ranks - I don't think anyone is yet below that, but we'll wait. Until tomorrow.
JimBenArm
Based on a true story!
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2006
- Messages
- 13,092
Actually, the only thing an IQ test measures is your ability to do IQ tests. It is by no means a measure of intellegence.
y i no