Why only mad people want to go to heaven.

[Blue_Sargasso]

So, you know the famous joke where St Peter tells a bunch of new arrivals to heaven to be very quiet when they're walking past some very high walls. 'Why?' asks one of the new recruits. 'Well,' Pete says, 'that's where the Catholics live. They think they're the only ones in here.'

I wouldn't want to be in heaven with:

a) Jehovah's Witnesses - barking mad and really boring
b) Muslims - fresh from their latest terrorist mission, dripping with blood and looking for the seventy-two virgins they were promised
c) All Protestant denominations - boring capitalists with their grotesque "work ethic" that makes them incredibly greedy, selfish and completely unfit to be amongst other human beings
d) Hindus - the unspeakable caste system
e) Buddhists - atheists who can't quite shake off religion
f) Agnostics - too ball-less to make up their minds
g) Atheists who behave like Christians - well, you might as well be Christians
h) Jews - the Chosen People. Enough said.
i) Pagans - hmmmm, quite a lot of fun, actually, might reconsider them
j) Knights of Jedi - God spare us!!!
k) All minority religions - fanatically deluded
l) Anyone not listed above – why so quiet??? Make a noise, why don’t you? At least we’ll know you exist.

And remember you don't have a body in heaven. There's no sex, no drugs and no alcohol, no movies, no TV, no music, no books, no holidays, no beaches, no shops, no new gadgets, no internet. So what are you going to do all day long? Nothing - and you're going to have to keep doing nothing for all eternity!!!

You might as well be dead!!!!

I think I prefer Valhalla - fighting all day long and partying all night. But, hey, even that would become boring after a while. Just ask England football fans.

Maybe hell's the best option - all the most interesting people there and after a while you would become desensitised to the pain. So what's not to like?

 

[Radrook]

Another ridiculous Example of biblical illiteracy!

And remember you don't have a body in heaven.

Ummmm, really? Why? Because YOU say so?

1 Corinthians 15

1 Corinthians 15
35But some man will say, How are the dead raised up? and with what body do they come?



38But God giveth it a body as it hath pleased him, and to every seed his own body.

39All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.

40There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.

41There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.

42So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:

43It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power:

44It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.



All the rest of the assertions are equally baseless opinions and merely splurgings of his untutored imagination.

BTW

There are both priestly and universal governmental duties for the ressurected to heaven. Revelation has the ressurected to heaven speaking of their duties in the following manner:

Revelation 1:6

And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen

So the floating around mindlessly concept comes from minds that are floating around mindlessly and too lethargic to research a subject before, ummm, splurging confidently about it.


.

 

[Kthulhut Fhtagn]

I'm going to call this as trolling and add that I'd love to be one with the Force.

ETA: And Radrook bought it hook, line, and sinker.

 

[LibraryLady]

I am an agnostic because I think it is impossible to know. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

 

[Mark6]

I think I prefer Valhalla - fighting all day long and partying all night. But, hey, even that would become boring after a while. Just ask England football fans.

Notice that Valhalla is a variation on "Pagans".

 

[Piscivore]

Wait a minute- I'm quite mad and I don't want to go to heaven.

Of course, given your description of heaven, it sounds like it was set up by Eris, so maybe there's a spectator's section for the Discordians.

 

[Cainkane1]

Actually jehovah Witnesses believe in a restored planet earth. Young immortal bodies and the ability to have sex with your wife and I believe actually have children. However what will they be doing after they've been alive for a billion years or so and its just like the first day?

 

[Madalch]

Actually jehovah Witnesses believe in a restored planet earth. Young immortal bodies and the ability to have sex with your wife and I believe actually have children. However what will they be doing after they've been alive for a billion years or so and its just like the first day?

Yeah, but after a billion years, how many great-grandchildren will you have to entertain?

 

[RobRoy]

Actually jehovah Witnesses believe in a restored planet earth. Young immortal bodies and the ability to have sex with your wife and I believe actually have children. However what will they be doing after they've been alive for a billion years or so and its just like the first day?

Mormons offer the same thing, except if you're really good, you get your own planet.

 

[fuelair]

As long as it isn't one of those cheap ones designed by mice!!!

 

[bokonon]

1 Corinthians 15

38 But God giveth it a body as it hath pleased him, and to every seed his own body.

That's all well and good, but you still won't have a brain, will you?

I was thinking, one way around that "billion years of boredom" problem would be to make everybody like that Guy Pearce guy in Memento, who forgot everything pretty much as soon as it happened.

This would have the advantage that everyone would also have forgotten all their friends and family who didn't make the cut, so they wouldn't be moping around about their loved ones being tortured.

The Pod People of Paradise ("every seed his own body...") can spend eternity reading fortune cookie fortunes to each other.

"What's yours say?"

"'Something wonderful is about to happen.' What does yours say?"

"'Something wonderful is about to happen.' Wow, I can't wait. What does yours say?"

"'Something wonderful is about to happen.' Well, that should be fun. What does yours say?"

 

[Toke]

Valhalla sounds better than harps, maybe the valkyrians will be up to a little fun after work.

 

[RobRoy]

Valhalla sounds better than harps, maybe the valkyrians will be up to a little fun after work.

[pedantic smart ass]Isn't the plural of valkyrie, valkyries? Valkyrian is the adjective form of the word.[/pedantic smart ass]

See, the problem with a "perfect" form of my current body is that it will still have the same face. I can't see God being too particular about looks, and while I'm all for the heavenly glory and a billion years of playing the playstation and watching Casablanca, I'm not certain I want to go through it with this face.

Now Satan, on the other hand, has to have some decent plastic surgery options, right?

 

[leonAzul]

no alcohol

Oh, my! No Jesus Juice? Heaven forfend!

Another ridiculous Example of biblical illiteracy!

And remember you don't have a body in heaven.

Ummmm, really? Why? Because YOU say so?

1 Corinthians 15

An outstanding example of what a fine apologist St. Paul is. Which clearly demonstrates the value of religion: the ability to attract superstitious people and expose them to rigorous critical thinking, with the hope that at some point they would apply reason to critically examine their own assumptions.

The Bible is a record of humankind's attempts to fathom the Divine Will. It says so in the Bible. The very first chapter in Genesis, in which several contrary cosmologies are cobbled together for comparison, demonstrates this quite clearly, and the theme is consistently maintained throughout. Considering the number of editions, translations, glosses, and commentaries, all allegedly "inspired", the notion that the Bible is "The Word of God" is unwieldly and untenable, if not insanely maddening.


IMHO:
Science is the tile across which we walk.
Reason is the mortar that keeps it in place.
Faith is the grout that fills in the gaps so we don't trip on the edges.
They all are made from the rock that emerges as evidence.

Really, Radrook, if the Big Guy Above didn't have a Divine sense of humor, neither you nor I would be posting in this forum

 

[Radrook]

An outstanding example of what a fine apologist St. Paul is. Which clearly demonstrates the value of religion: the ability to attract superstitious people and expose them to rigorous critical thinking, with the hope that at some point they would apply reason to critically examine their own assumptions.

A fine example of how someone can read and understand didly squat. The purpose of Paul writing his letters to the Corinthians was to address certain doctrinal and behavioral situations prevalent in the church he writes to. I strongly suggest you take that into consideration before flipping out wild explanations.

The very first chapter in Genesis, in which several contrary cosmologies are cobbled together for comparison, demonstrates this quite clearly, and the theme is consistently maintained throughout.

All easily reconciled and understood to be complementary.

BTW
Your confusion with Genesis proves only your confusion with Genesis and nothing more. Other people, many far more educated than you-see problem with the Genesis account whatsoever. Wonder why.

Considering the number of editions, translations, glosses, and commentaries, all allegedly "inspired", the notion that the Bible is "The Word of God" is unwieldily and untenable, if not insanely maddening.

So people become maddened by being told to love neighbor as self, become honest, refrain from adultery, not murder, refrain from bestiality, child abuse, theft and respect their parents? That's ridiculous. Sounds like bad quality amateurish Satanic propaganda to me.

BTW
A message that comes across loud and clear despite variations in translational emphasis. So if their is a maddening it isn't on the part of Christians but much more likely on the part of people who approach the Bible with the sole motive of denigrating it. But I strongly suspect that such individuals aren't too stable in the first
place.

The Bible is a record of humankind's attempts to fathom the Divine Will. It says so in the Bible.

Nowhere does it say that. In fact, it teaches the exact opposite!

Really, Radrook, if the Big Guy Above didn't have a Divine sense of humor, neither you nor I would be posting in this forum

Never claimed God is humorless. I think there is a humor forum here for those who need to tell jokes. I was under the impression this is not it. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for funnin. However, I'm not in the bad habit of couching my opposing opinion and misrepresenting of other people's beliefs with my ignorant ones via jokes. It doesn't make for productive discussion, It only attracts others of the same ilk to join in to chortle. And as I previously pointed out for your edification, assuming you can be edified, of course-this forum is for discussion of philosophy and religion not for mindlessly quacking-ululating and braying via telling of jokes about philosophy and religion.

 

[Toke]

Radrook
What is so great about heaven?
Valhal involves pork, mead, fighting, and maybe a valkyrie or two

What does Heaven offer?

 

[GT/CS]

Radrook
What is so great about heaven?
Valhal involves pork, mead, fighting, and maybe a valkyrie or two

What does Heaven offer?

Spending eternity with god. You know, the guy who believes in slavery, and torture, and murder, etc, etc. Sounds like a great time!

 

[leonAzul]

The purpose of Paul writing his letters to the Corinthians was to address certain doctrinal and behavioral situations prevalent in the church he writes to.

In other words, apologetics to support the emerging dogma from the kerygmatic record of the life of Jesus, such that it could be applied consistently. I fail to see where we disagree on that point.

All easily reconciled and understood to be complementary.

Because God changes his Mind about how the cosmos was created, or because human beings change their minds as they acquire more evidence?

So people become maddened by being told to love neighbor as self, become honest, refrain from adultery, not murder, refrain from bestiality, child abuse, theft and respect their parents?

No, people become maddened in the attempt to literally reconcile those excellent ideals with the barbaric behavior attributed to God and celebrated in the Bible. Literally maddened. As in one of the universal symptoms of psychosis is indiscriminate preaching. As you point out, such people are a few bricks short of a hod to begin with, yet it does indicate the need to think critically when reading the Bible and taking it to heart.

That's ridiculous. Sounds like bad quality amateurish Satanic propaganda to me.

FTR, I reject Satan, and all his works.

Nowhere does it say that. In fact, it teaches the exact opposite!

Here we actually have a substantial disagreement, which I would like to discuss. Religions teach the sacredness of the Bible. Within the Bible there is testimony to revelations, of direct contact with God and verbatim transcripts of His Word on those occasions, yet the claim that the entire Bible is the Word of God is made by religions, not the Bible itself.

In the course of the conversation, I expect each of us to provide evidence to support our views, referenced to source, if possible.

And as I previously pointed out for your edification, assuming you can be edified, of course-this forum is for discussion of philosophy and religion not for mindlessly quacking-ululating and braying via telling of jokes about philosophy and religion.

I'll let you set the tone.

 

[Civilized Worm]

Pretty impressive set of moronic generalisations in the OP there.

 

[Solus]

Don't worry if there really was an afterlife (not likely). It's safe to assume none of the groups you mentioned would want to be anywhere near you.