Which Christianity would you choose?

I would like to be a Catholic on the Exorcism Squad.

That way I get to travel to all sorts of interesting places while driving out demons.

Also, I think that it would be rather fun to write demon related expense accounts. For example:

"Sorry for the Disney World expenses, but I heard that there was terrible demon down who had taken the shape of Mickey in order to collect the souls of children. Therefore, I need another $5,000.00 to cover the plane fare, the hotel, meals, holy water, the rides, and the T-shirts."
 
ComfySlippers said:
It's a funny question; "Which Christianity would you choose?"
I think the humour is lost on the religious.

Cafeteria-Christianity. Choose the one you like. The one you believe in. The other ten thousand flavours are all wrong of course.

If only this God fella had written some clues down in a coherent manner to convey his message, then you could all be the same flavour.
You'd still all be wrong, but at least you'd stop killing each other and pretending you don't masturbate or have sex.

Follow Islam instead. That's pretty groovy cos you get a free book of the 25 rules of how to use the toilet thrown in. Die for the master and you go to heaven on a flying horse, your penis gets extra big and sensitive, and a truck load of virgins are waiting for you.

Mormons are a hoot. They're quite good at changing their rules when it suits them. Funky special underpants too. Their founder was really honest and believable. If you're three.

Be a Roman Catholic and get brainwashed into thinking you're scum and a worthless piece of ****. They're a fun bunch.
You get The Pope bloke too. He's awesome cos he gets to decide which miracles are real. Mother Theresa, lovely woman, cracking personality.

Jehovahs Witnesses. Awesome. Just don't end up in hospital.

Here's a whacky idea: don't chose any.

If you really need to be told what's wrong and what's right don't be depending on The Bible. You know, that little thing about how it's ok to own a slave if he doesn't die within two days of you beating him.
Women are catered for too. Awesome God-Rule about having to marry the man who rapes you.

The rules of life are pretty straight forward. Don't kill people, don't nick their stuff and don't shag their wives. Be nice to each other.

If you need a religion to teach you that then church is the least of your problems.

With that, I'm off to covet my neighbour's ass. Happy Easter.
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I covet the one that belongs to Jesus, that's right I covet Jesus's ass.
 
HansMustermann said:
Well, yes, that would be my choice if I HAD to (second choice going to the Anglicans; half of those don't even believe in the Queen, much less God;)), but that's also what prompted my question. If Unitarian or wossname, those fellas who thought having lots of sex is communion, are OK choices because they say they're "Christian", then it seems to me like I can just skip the "Unitarian" part and believe whatever I want as it is. So really what's the point of that restriction?
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Fellowship, some humans just can't seem to exist unless they gather regularly with others, personally I have never been to a meeting that raised my IQ.

Most groups tend to the Lowest Common Humanity.
 
Crossbow said:
I would like to be a Catholic on the Exorcism Squad.

That way I get to travel to all sorts of interesting places while driving out demons.

Also, I think that it would be rather fun to write demon related expense accounts. For example:

"Sorry for the Disney World expenses, but I heard that there was terrible demon down who had taken the shape of Mickey in order to collect the souls of children. Therefore, I need another $5,000.00 to cover the plane fare, the hotel, meals, holy water, the rides, and the T-shirts."
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Exorcism Expense Account

Item: 500 pigs @ $600 each for driving demons into- $30,000.
 
Mormonism in the antebellum US. I want to be a Danite, in Missouri or Utah, either one.
 
Modern liberal Quakers seem pretty unoffensive...they got that furniture thing going for em.

Strict Calvinism seems a little more internally consistent than most other xtian flavors, but I'm pretty sure I'm not one of the elect...so that ones out. ;)
I am a fan of shoe buckles.
 
Minoosh said:
There are very many denominations and sects in Christianity, and I was sort-of raised in a rather unforgiving one. Actually my mom deliberately did not ram it down our throats and baptism in the Church of Christ was a choice. I did not get baptized, but my brother ended up being confirmed as an Episcopalian and we had to keep it secret from our grandmother. She described hell-fire quite convincingly and I'm pretty sure she thought Episcopalians were going to hell.

I know a little bit about many denominations and have some idea where I might fit in if I had to make a choice. Living in accordance to the supposed teachings of Jesus appeals to me but the doctrine that solidified centuries after his death does not, of course, confine itself to saying "emulate Jesus."

If for some reason I was required to join a Christian church I do have preferences and was curious if anyone else did. I reject a loving God that would condemn billions of people to eternal suffering. What then are my theological options?

Judaism, I think I'd be OK with. But what species of Christianity might also work?
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Interesting question, but I see it as flawed in that I don't see belief as being a choice (i.e. your beliefs may change over time but it's not like you can decide to just be and genuinely believe as a Christian, or being a believer suddenly decide to not believe - belief isn't a choice).

Similarly, while I may disagree with people's choices, if someone believes that religion X has the true message (or as an atheist, that none do...) but is generally a good person, doesn't believe in killing unbelievers (or contrariwise, believers), freedom of conscience, etc. I support people in following their conscience even if I disagree.

Re damnation, the Catholic position (I'm Catholic) is that it is permissible/possible to believe that there is no one in hell - there's authoritative teaching that hell exists, the church teaches that some people are in heaven (saints) but it never teaches that any specific person is damned.
 
:D

Loafers were just too sexy for the Puritans. And lace-ups...well, that could lead to dancing.
 
calebprime said:
verklempt

From the Mike Meyers characters.,misspelled




Sorry if I've missed a joke, somewhere
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No joke involved. 16.5 used it reasonably correctly but misspelled and I recognized it from a Mel Brooks movie, checked to verify and responded to his use. No joke involved (except with Mel in the movie).
 
My recommendation would be to visit the web pages of various denominations to see what they believe. Once you find some denominations that interest you, visit some websites of local churches. Non-denominational churches are also interesting, however many tend to be theologically conservative. You could even book an appointment with a pastor or other leader if you are interested in doing so in order to ask questions that are not answered on the website.

I have noticed that church culture tends to vary from congregation to congregation. Some congregations are pretty friendly, some not so much.

My denomination, PCUSA (Presbyterian Church U.S.A.) has evolved to be much more theologically liberal than the "old school" Calvinism from a few hundred years ago, which frankly, is way above my head.

Anyway, this link provides more information...
https://www.presbyterianmission.org/ministries/today/what-do-presbyterians-believe/
 
tsig said:
Fellowship, some humans just can't seem to exist unless they gather regularly with others, personally I have never been to a meeting that raised my IQ.

Most groups tend to the Lowest Common Humanity.
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I'm ok with being social, really. But that's trivial nowadays without even being religious, much less needing one to be specifically Christian.

In ye olde days congregating at the church may have been one of the very few ways to get a bunch of people together and feeling as a group, but nowadays? Unless you live on some tiny island, it's trivial to find a cat or dog fancier group in your area, or a linux user group, or a football fan club, or a HEMA (Historical European Martial Arts) or SCA club, or whatever group of people you feel more comfortable congregating with.
 
If you have an interest in ethics and social justice without all that religious stuff, Ethical Cultural societies are pretty cool. My recorder group has played at some of their gatherings. I met a variety of atheists, agnostics, Jews and Christians. Everyone I met was really nice and had interesting things to say.
 
Can I be Unitarian? In that case Jesus lives in a rock in my garden. He can move, so I can carry the pebble in my pocket and lose it. He just moves to another pebble I have.
 
Discover your inner Istar and ask the Valar for a nifty staff. If that fails, you can put a smartphone on a selfie stick and turn on the flashlight.
 
There can be quite a chasm between a specific theology's dictates, and the people who identify as belonging to that tradition. For example, most christians I know never seem to try to convince someone god or hell exists, though an atheist might believe that their religion is pretty null and void without that proof. Instead the believers (and it varies between each) seem to organize their religion around specific items that are most important to them: family tradition perhaps, or moral teachings, or rituals, or community.

So rather than solely focusing on the theology, I'd recommend just going to local churches, hanging out, meeting the people, attending the events, and seeing where you feel the most comfortable. Be up front (but not confrontational) noting you are still 'searching'. Many there will be in the same boat. And save arguing the deeper theology for later (as long as it isn't overwhelmingly unappealing to you right off the bat).
 
Delvo said:
It can even be shoehorned into the category "Christian", since "Christ" is its second-place prophet.
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This is a popular view but, I'm afraid, even with huge efforts you'll not be able to 'shoehorn' that :)

Muslims actually revere the entity 'Isa' (Arabic speaking Christians for example call Jesus, Yasu or Yasua) whose attributes are far from those of Christ in orthodox Christianity, imported mainly from 'The gospel of Barnabas', Gnostics, Ebionites, other schismatic sects and Muhammad's own inventions.

In Islamic theology not only Christ is not God, Son or logos in the Christian sense ('the word was with god and the word was god' is anathema in islam, instead Isa was created by allah be him 'Word', quran 5:17 for example states that those who believe Isa was god are unbelievers etc), was not crucified and so on but the icing on the cake is that at the end of time Isa will save Christians...from Christianity (in Sahih Bukhari, Muhammad's vision):


"The Hour will not be established until the son of Mary descend upon you as a ruler, he will break the cross, kill the pigs, and abolish the jizya tax. Money will be in abundance so that no one will accept it [as charity]."


About this ibn Kathir (and other Islamic commentators) wrote: 'During his time Allah will destroy all religions except islam and Allah will destroy Dajjal, the False Messiah'. Isa breaks the cross because it is an insult to claim that one of Allah's prophets could be victimized in such a way, kill the pigs which are a proof of Christian incapacity to follow the right path (anyway no one would need them since all people would have converted to islam) and abolish the Jizya (again all will have become muslims by that time or killed otherwise).


I'm afraid 'Isa' has much less in common with the traditional Christian view on Jesus than thought by many, to claim that they have the Christian Jesus in high esteem is, more or less, to say that atheists do the same with the Jesus of Scriptures (miracles, Resurrection etc taken on board without criticism) for let's say capacity to think 'outside the box' and break to some extent with the existing religious orthodoxy.

Entities are primarily defined by their attributes, I'm afraid the Christian Jesus is not the 'second prophet of islam'.
 
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metacristi said:
In Islamic theology not only Christ is not God, Son or logos in the Christian sense, was not crucified and so on but the icing on the cake is that at the end of time Isa will save Christians...from Christianity
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A lot of Christians originally didn't think those things either, and would certainly have viewed Jesus coming back and revealing which version of Christianity was right as a matter of destroying those wrong brands and saving their followers from the errors of their ways. "Christian" just meant anybody who thought Jesus preached cool stuff that people should follow. The type of Christian you're describing is a heavily filtered sample of the range.
 
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