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Moderated What's wrong with porn?

Hear, hear - and I have direct parental experience of this. It was detected, discussed, certain principles explained, promises made and that, so far as I know, was the end of the matter (no punishment necessary). I agree - it's very much a case of doctors and nurses by remote contol, that's all. Absolutely harmless, in most if not all cases, but not best practice, nonetheless, for minors. Just another of life's lessons learned the natural way! :)
The problem of "sexting" is actually a bit more complex than that; and related to the issue of minors (not children but sexually mature minors) creating imagery of themselves involving sexual or non-sexual nudity. It is easy to dismiss it outright or condemn it outright; but the issue contains far more gray area than black or white. While some of it is simply teens exploring their newly developed sexuality; there is also a substantial amount of it that is the result of adult influence, and these teens are either convinced, manipulated, or coerced into creating the material without direct adult involvement.

In the case of coercion, that tends to be fairly clearly on the abusive end of the scale. But what about emotional manipulation, or simply outright material compensation? There was an incident not too long ago where a man was arrested for paying a number of high schoolers to create naked videos of themselves and their friends (some of it was locker-room hidden-camera stuff). There was no physical involvement on his part, it was strictly an Internet communication. There was also no apparent blackmail or emotional pressure involved. The teenagers were simply doing it for the money. It wasn't even a povery issue like prostitution often is; because they were all from families well-off enough to afford luxury items like digital video cameras.

There is also a growing issue with minors on public webcam sites doing nude shows for pay; strictly so they can buy popular luxury items. Again, these are not poor, lower-income kids doing this, it is these are all middle- and upper-middle-income teens; and it is spreading to lower age groups as inexpensive high-resolution webcams and p&s digital camers and become more common.

More and more sexual material involving minors is being made by the minors themselves, with little or no adult involvement -- or, indeed, awareness -- simply as a means of making money to buy status symbols. It's going well beyond the simple sharing of personal photos with boyfriends/girlfriends; it's developing into an entire underground industry completely seperate from historical CP channels.

The issue now is how to address this. Obviously the root cause is not adults abusing children for their own gratification; though it's clearly adults paying for the vast majority of the material. Is it the materialism of our culture that places such a high social value on material status symbols? The denial of teen sexuality that leads to a lack of adequate values education? What actual harm is caused to the minors involved, in the long term? If there is any actual psychological harm, how do you quantify it over the long term. And is it inherent in the act itself, or strictly the result of ephemeral, and predominantly religious, cultural taboos?
 
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Last night my partner found that I had visited a pornographic website on my home computer. She wasn't happy about it, and opted to sleep on the couch. (I offered to instead, since she was sure she didn't want to sleep with me, but she was adamant.) Today, in an email exchange while she has been at work (and while I have been failing to revise for exams), I have learned just what she considers to be wrong with porn.

It seems that her objection against porn is less about the effect on the models and actors themselves, but more about what it says about the viewer.

She said that:
+ she is disgusted;
+ she will always feel inadequate with me;
+ the persona I had presented to her was not the real me - she thought that I was decent and good but that this is so sordid and horrid and tawdry and demeaning that she can't reconcile it;
+ it's a moral thing as much as anything - it isn't prudishness but she finds everything about pornography and that culture (objectification of women) so repulsive, that the idea that I support it is appalling;
+ she doesn't think that she will be able to respect me again;
+ it diminishes us both.

The strength of her reaction surprised me. When she found it I was embarrassed, but I thought she'd laugh about it. Clearly I didn't know her quite as well as I thought either. She'll be home from work in a few hours, and I'm horrified by the thought that our relationship will be over.

I apologise for the self-indulgent nature of this post. I don't know what responses I expect or hope for (it's not a counselling forum, I know!). Just your opinions really.

I think that my opinion on the subject has always been that represented here by JFrankA et al, but I don't know whether to plead that case, or just plain plead!

Thanks in advance.


It is normal for men/women to look at porn.

Has she ever known anyone in the business at all or is she basing this opinion of porn on information she has learned from someone or some show that has a skewed view?

Why are you embarrassed?

There are lots and lots of women who don't feel this way, I want my guys to oogle other women's goodies. This doesn't mean you are holding her to a certain "standard" unless you tell her you wished she looked like _____ (insert female porn star here).

Doesn't it objectify men too if she thinks it objectifies women?
 
I don't want to be a pessimist, but sounds like the woman cannot come over this cultural shock anytime soon, and your game might be over.

The same has happened to many others, and the reaction of the woman has varied from no shock at all, similar reaction for one day then normalizing the relations, or then permanent break-up. It's all up to the woman, how she was brought up and so on, you probably cannot affect the outcome in any way.
 
I'm shocked that you didn't know about her attitude before this actually. Seems like the kind of thing you might find out about someone before you move in with them...

Anyway I'm glad she seems to be back to normal.
 
The day porn will be banned from the internet, there will only be only one website : "Bring Porn Back".
 

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