Was Jesus a vampire?

[arthwollipot]

Oh come on. Everyone knows that Caine was the first vampire. He was punished for murdering his brother. And he sired seven childer, who became the founders of the modern Clans.

 

[Mason]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Marquis de Carabas
Jesus could not have been a zombie, either, because zombies lack the requisite motor control to build a hotrod.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ah, the mind is such a terrible thing to taste.

ding ding dang dong dong ding dong
ding ding dang-a dong

 

[TragicMonkey]

Oh come on. Everyone knows that Caine was the first vampire. He was punished for murdering his brother. And he sired seven childer, who became the founders of the modern Clans.

Nonsense. That was never brought up in the authoritative work, which is, of course, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Vampires are demons who possess undead humans, and two of them are moderately hot (or were at the time) and got to sleep with Buffy. Although not at the same time, which would have really kicked the ratings up but probably brought more protests from those Parent Television Jerks. And also Willow being evil with the dark magic was completely cool. Too bad she turned good again. I never like Tara anyway.

 

[c4ts]

Oh come on. Everyone knows that Caine was the first vampire. He was punished for murdering his brother. And he sired seven childer, who became the founders of the modern Clans.

Except for that one clan full of mages.

 

[c4ts]

You're all wrong. Bizarro Jesus is the vampire; Regular Jesus is an android. There's also an Imposter Jesus, who is another android, and a clone of that android who is Double Imposter Jesus. And there's also Girl Jesus, Conjoined Twin Jesuses, Alien Jesus, Ninja Jesus, and the mightiest of all, Malibu Dreamhouse Jesus.

Collect them all!

Coming out for Christmas: Rap Star Jesus, Gay Jesus, Gay Diva Jesus, and Mini-Jesus. Limited edition collectors' Pound Puppy Jesus, Care Bear Jesus, and Hello Kitty Jesus available Spring 2006.

Bizarro Jesus is just Fundamentalism.

 

[arthwollipot]

Except for that one clan full of mages.

And Salubri.

 

[ma1ic3]

Jesus could not have been a zombie, either, because zombies lack the requisite motor control to build a hotrod.

 

[FreeChile]

Consider what Christians have done and continue to do in the name of Jesus. They have been out to suck your blood and take your wallet. What more testament to vamparism do you want? The motto is “conversion or death.” That is also the way of the vampire.

Also, Jesus could not swim. This is why he had to walk on water. Don’t you know that vampires die in running water? Also, he had to be pierced in the heart in order to die (ok the ribs, but they aimed for the heart).

We should look for the guy who slapped Jesus (the one in the Seventh Sign). He should be able to tell us all about it. God also turned him into a vampire. This is also when Jesus stopped being a vampire. It’s a prisoner exchange like on a Friday the 13th – the Series episodes. You have to give up someone else to the vampire master to be absolved of vamparism.

Finally, the second coming is akin to vamparism. It's a sequel. It means someone is going to remove the stake from his chest and he will return.

 

[Jas]

Yes, like b said, Judas killed himself and there is nowhere any immortality about him. But if Jesus were a vampire then his disciplines after drinking his blood wouldn't become vampires?

Um, yeah.

If I didn't already think that the JREF was one of the 'smarter' forums on the 'net, I would now.

 

[c4ts]

Um, yeah.

If I didn't already think that the JREF was one of the 'smarter' forums on the 'net, I would now.

Compared to what else is out there, it's pure gold...

 

[Kopji]

How can they possibly post on a forum with that color combination?

I love this response, kinda wraps it all up:

jessel
that doesn't sound crazy, that sounds like it doesn't make sence.
respectfully
b.