I've already explained that: cis women are getting the agreement of trans women a) not to expose their (trans women) genitals wherever reasonably possible, and b) not to stare at them (cis women) when they (cis women) are in a state of nudity.
In return, they "give" the right of trans women to share their changing rooms.
Incidentally, I'd say that the tacit system of social contract agreements is probably already in use wrt people such as a Thalidomide-affected women with severely deformed limbs, or women with abnormally large clitorises and excessive body hair (both of which I've also mentioned before as examples). Both such women, if/when nude, clearly might potentially cause some level of distress or discomfort to other women; as a result, I'd think that both such categories of women would also generally take the kinds of reasonable steps which I've mentioned, as a quid-pro-quo of being able to share the women's changing rooms*
* In fact, some years ago a member of the same gym as me in West London was a veteran of the Iraq conflict; he'd lost one lower arm and suffered extremely severe lacerations and gouges into his abdomen, when his troop carrier was attacked by a roadside IED. His torso (front and back) was a pretty bad sight - the wounds had healed of course, but the scarring and the results of tissue loss had taken a very big toll. He always changed for the gym in a closed shower cubicle, and he never used the swimming pool. I got talking with him a few times, and he volunteered to me that he took those steps precisely because he didn't want other people either a) becoming distressed at the appearance of his naked torso, or b) pointing at him as some sort of "freak" on account of the appearance of his torso.
It just hit me...you really don't get it. You actually don't understand what the women on the other side of the argument are talking about.
How can you possibly put forth an argument without trying to understand what you are arguing about?
I'll try to outline it as best as I can, but to be honest I don't entirely understand it either. I just try to listen to what people are actually saying. This is not necessarily my viewpoint. It's my interpretation of the viewpoint I've seen expressed here regarding locker rooms and restrooms and is open to correction.
First of all, women are not generally disgusted by penises or the male body. So you can knock off all the BS about disfigured and scarred people.
Second, it's also not a fear of being seen naked. At least not casually. They aren't terminally shy shrinking violets who are ashamed of their bodies, though yes, there is an element of socially imposed propriety involved.
Third, it isn't even really about trans women. They (or at least most of them) do not consider trans women to be dangerous sex perverts who are out to rape them, though they are concerned about sexual violence.
Apparently women view these spaces differently than men. I see the bathroom as a place to pee and a locker room as a place to change clothes and/or shower after a workout. Women regard these as safe spaces where there are no men. Why do they want a space free of men? Read through any feminism page. See the complaints about men? Those. All of them. Not just the possibility of sexual assault, but all the other stuff too. They can let their guard down and relax. It's a refuge. They can take care of personal hygiene matters which outside that room are referred to in whispers or euphemisms.
Trans women do not in and of themselves change this. That's why they generally don't seem to have a problem with the Blaire Whites or Boudicca's sharing their spaces. But when they see someone that
they perceive as male in these spaces it breaks the sense of comfort and safety from us men. Again, I'm not just talking physical safety.
Now, they have, as Rolfe pointed out in these threads months ago, accepted trans women into their spaces for years by informal agreement. Codifying self-id breaks that. In the past (current?) system the possibility of consequences, social and legal, did a fair job of keeping males out. This aided the perception of trans-women who came into their spaces as being sincere. (It also encouraged discretion.)
Self-ID creates a loophole. And yes, that loophole is probably rarely exploited. But its existence reduces the sense of those spaces being safe spaces because it changes the perception of who they might be in the room with. (I'm not referring to women cis or trans here.) Think of the African American student (can't say where it was) who stood up in a space allocated for "multicultural" use and pointed out her discomfort that there were far too many white people there.
It's less about trans women and more about men.
You were asked what women got in the compromise you propose. You offer discretion as an item of compromise. Like that is something generously given. But its not, really. Especially when you don't recognize what it is these cis-women believe they are being asked to give up.
Now, is this fair? Of course not. There really is no solution that is fair to all. I mentioned that as a male, I see these rooms in more of a utilitarian way. So for me, non-gendered rooms with private changing booths/showers/etc. sounds like a good solution. But I'm not looking for a safe space. I'm looking for a place to change my clothes. I don't have a solution.
Now, I'm going to reiterate that I'm not advocating a position. It's also likely that this I don't have it entirely correct. (It's not my position I'm describing.) I just think that people need to take time and try to figure out what people on the other side are actually arguing before telling them that they are wrong.
A more interesting exercise would be for the people on each side to try to argue, or at least articulate, the opposite point of view.
You can't effectively make a case for your point of view when you don't understand that of your adversary.