Things the Conservative Media won't tell you about John McCain

[Oliver]

Top 100 things that the conservative Media doesn't want to tell about McCain

1. Privately uses to refer to his Wife as "That one" as well
2. Only snores when being awake
3. Was the first private American owner of a Black and White TV
4. Plans to have a honest campaign without smears in 2012
5. Thinks that the Rolling Stones are a bunch of rebelling youngsters

 

[Cicero]

Thinks Nena's 99 Luftballons was about Hanna Reitsch flying the V-1.

 

[Tony]

6) Describes his local fire department as "new and good".

7) Once accidentally strafed a Bob Hope USO show in Vietnam.

8) Jumps for cover when ever someone turns on a light switch.

9) Refers to computers as "thinking contraptions".

10) Wears Hawaiian flower pattern boxer-shorts.

 

[Nyarlathotep]

11) Has the heart of a poet...in a jar on his desk

12) Will insist that "The Chicken Dance" be performed at all diplomatic functions

13) Won't need secret service protection because getting shot just makes him mad

14) Is secretly a huge fan of Bob Marley

15) Has to be kept away from pipes and wires because he chews on them incessantly

 

[Oliver]

16) Was the guy who invented the "Moon Hoax" Theory to smear the President

 

[Oliver]

17) McCain plans to endorse Obama before election day

 

[peptoabysmal]

19) Can't count.

 

[Cain]

20) crashed through Victor Maitland's window.

21) disabled an unmarked unit with a banana.

22) lured Taggart and Rosewood into a gross dereliction of duty at a strip-tease establishment.

23) ruined the buffet at the Harrow club this morning.

 

[R.Mackey]

25) Has Obama right where he wants him -- on McCain's six, coming out of the sun, with lock and a good tone.

 

[Oliver]

26) Supposedly whipped his own you know what after the debate

 

[Nyarlathotep]

27) Finds your lack of faith....disturbing

28) Is secretly the Qwizatch Haderach

29) Flunked out of Hogwarts in his sixth year

30) Will paint any car any color for $99.95

 

[Oliver]

31) Hates Joe the Plumber

 

[peptoabysmal]

32) Claimed Sputnik was "an intercontinental outer-space raspberry to a decade of American pretensions that the American way of life was a gilt-edged guarantee of our national superiority."

 

[Oliver]

33) Once stole a Granny's wallet to survive the great depression
34) Loves to listen to Speed-Metal when sitting in Church
35) Recently learned what a Harley is from his Grandson
36) Watches Oprah and sobs every time
37) Had an affair with Lillian Gish
38) Played the Emperor in the old StarWars episodes

 

[Oliver]

39) Invented the Mickey Mouse character
40) Smells at his worn socks
41) Made his driving license on a carriage drawn by four horses
42) Will veto all of President Obama's proposals

 

[Oliver]

43) Was the smoking guy on the grassy knoll

 

[Oliver]

44) Ignited the Hindenburg

 

[Oliver]

45) Thinks that Microsoft Word is an IT Business Plan

 

[Madalch]

46) Thinks Guinness is too weak, and drinks caramel-coloured oil of vitriol.

 

[Oliver]

47) Is pregnant