The Swinging Lifestyle

I also don't see the big fuss. As stated before, if both partners are interested, then it can be a lot of fun, and it really strengthens the relationship.
I know a lot of swingers. One of my best friends swings with his wife. He's the band over at the local swingers club.
I've been a few times, and it doesn't seem to be anything but good.
I personally don't like the "pretty-people only" clubs, because it's just boring, and seems to be a lot of people who aren't working at a relationship.
A lot of couples go to swingers clubs just for the voyeristic fun of it. Even if you aren't active in the lifestyle, it's still fun to go and watch and hang out.
 
Ever seen those tantra vacation webpages? It's all hideous, destroyed people. They mistake "open-minded" for "sad and ugly ineffectual compensation".

Good looking couples are selfish and stick together. Why share?
 
I thought this would be a thread about swing dancing. Swing dancing is cool, but I couldn't manage in those heels. Since this is about something else entirely, I'll just.... sit back and watch the players. ;)
 
Suezoled said:
I thought this would be a thread about swing dancing. Swing dancing is cool, but I couldn't manage in those heels. Since this is about something else entirely, I'll just.... sit back and watch the players. ;)
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bv31571.jpg
 
Ohrryp said:
I don't find it to be perverted. I do find it to be stupid, given the dynamics of personal relationships, and the prevalence of STDs.
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You have a point about relationship dynamics, but haven't you Yanks discovered condoms yet?
 
Group sex involves more than two people. Humans, like other species, can experience a high level of sexual energy from an environment where they hear, see, touch and smell others engaged in copulation. The opportunity to engage in sex without the usual commitment to sex or intimacy likewise relieves pressure for many. Many ancient religions used orgies in the worship of fertility gods. These rituals gave widows, homely virgins eg, American, and spouses of infertile mates the chance to conceive; the offspring of such unions were considered sacred. Today the North American Swingers club estimates the number of active swingers in the United States to be five million. (bunch of yada about what exactly these swingers get up to when they swing)

CAUTION: Many couples assume swinging will save a marriage. However, it more often destroys a weak relationship. Likewise it is an activity that has to have the enthusiasm of both partners to be successful. Sexually transmittable diseases are a major concern for many. However, it is often easier to insist that a casual partner use condoms than it is to ask a steady lover.

(cross references follow)
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(my italics)
From "Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices", Brendan B Love, 1992 Barricade Books NJ, 127pp
 
Mr Manifesto said:


You have a point about relationship dynamics, but haven't you Yanks discovered condoms yet?
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You know we have an overpopulation problem, dontcha?

:D
 
ChrisH said:
Why?

I didn't cheat on either of my ex-wives. I now rue the wasted opportunities.

Marital fidelity is hardly natural, is it?
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If you can't stay faithful, why get married in the first place?

I don't know about the U.K. but the U.S. is growing ever more f***ed up because of people not taking marriage and family more seriously. I see it all the time and the situation is getting worse.

In a world where the extended family is a distant memory, the nuclear becomes all the more important.

But I digress... you're refering to cheating on your wife which is a different form of adultery than swinging.
 
UnrepentantSinner said:


If you can't stay faithful, why get married in the first place?

I don't know about the U.K. but the U.S. is growing ever more f***ed up because of people not taking marriage and family more seriously. I see it all the time and the situation is getting worse.

In a world where the extended family is a distant memory, the nuclear becomes all the more important.

But I digress... you're refering to cheating on your wife which is a different form of adultery than swinging.
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You can have a non-f@#ked up family life and still swing, you just have to be ready to explain the birds and the bees and the other bees and other birds to billy when he walks in on Mr Jones from down the street banging mommy.


I don't care what other consenting folk do, but it isn't for me. I am a very passionate and jealous person. I love my wife and she is mine and mine alone. Unless the other person is a woman and I'm invited. No dudes.
 
ManfredVonRichthoffen said:
You can have a non-f@#ked up family life and still swing, you just have to be ready to explain the birds and the bees and the other bees and other birds to billy when he walks in on Mr Jones from down the street banging mommy.
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All the walking wounded we have increasingly filling our society are evidence of just the opposite.

If you have to screw around, don't get married, don't have any kids and stop screwing when you get an STD. Otherwise learn to control youself.
 
UnrepentantSinner said:


All the walking wounded we have increasingly filling our society are evidence of just the opposite.

If you have to screw around, don't get married, don't have any kids and stop screwing when you get an STD. Otherwise learn to control youself.
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Should have included a smiley. I was joking. I always figured swingers weren't exactly the type to have kids.
 
More black and white it seems. Swinging practiced between 2 consenting adults, in a strong and already open-minded and adventurous sexual relationship is entirely fine. However, many couples over-state how stable their relationship is, especially when it comes to sexual aspects, and so get into something their not ready to handle, or at least, one of the spouses is not comfortable with. Be brutally honest with yourself about just how open-minded you are and what you sexual relationship is with your spouse before considering any type of swinging activity. For those that are comfortable and stable enough in their relationship to be into swinging I think you'd find they enjoy it immensely and continue to do it because its sexually rewarding on some level for both members of the couple.
 
I just can't see myself touching anyone else...I'm really paranoid about STDs and such. I view others as potentially icky. Not only that, I just find my relationshape is 'exciting' enough. I don't feel bored or anything. The odd bit of flirting is enough for me.

I figure people who feel the same way about relationships should be together. There are men, I hope, that are just as happy with monogamy. I think I see a few here. If you're not like that, then don't marry someone like that. Birds of a feather must flock together here.

Swinging isn't my thing, and you don't need to hear anything else of what I think about it once that is said.

I could never feel safe swinging, especially with my kids still relying so much on me.

It's just icky.
 
It may be for some people. I'm just not one of those people. As for cheating on a spouse, that seems very different. I've known men and women who cheat because they WANT to get caught (and then get out of the marriage), they WANT someone to fuss over them and be what they feel their current spouse isn't, they WANT something they aren't getting (though it's not always the spouses fault).

as for kids...custody battles can be very interesting. This would just make it more interesting. In good old Puritan New England, you would be well advised to keep your swinging a secret if you have children (and if you engage in swinging type activities in the home while the children are there).
 
kittynh said:
It may be for some people. I'm just not one of those people. As for cheating on a spouse, that seems very different. I've known men and women who cheat because they WANT to get caught (and then get out of the marriage), they WANT someone to fuss over them and be what they feel their current spouse isn't, they WANT something they aren't getting (though it's not always the spouses fault).
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I've said this before around here. Cheating and swinging, or having open relationships, are NOT THE SAME THING! Cheating is behind your partner's back; open relationships involve both partners, a great deal of communication, and swinging obviously involves both partners at the same time. The motivations for each are highly individual, but the important distinction to be made is that cheating is behind your partner's back, and any other kind of relationship situation is mutually agreed upon out in the open. Oh, and however two people wish to structure their relationship is no business of anyone else's. I don't care if you wanna screw the neighbor, the neighbor's husband, or the neighbor's dog, just don't turn up your stereo too loud :)
 
I have been in some open relationships and some exclusive relationships. While I do not think it is wrong if all parties have knowledge and consent, one needs to pay special attention to its impact on any children affected, who may have a hard time understanding what's going on.

Second... while I have seen it work for some people... let me say that if you try to maintain a solid relationship that is open, in my experience the odds are against it lasting long after that.

In fact, I have come to agree with radio's Dr. Drew on the matter, that someone seeking to involve an outsider in a sexual relationship often has a desire to disrupt the relationship that they're not openly admitting to themselves.

In my personal experience, one party to the relationship is usually not as enthusiastic about it as the other. Sometimes they start out on equal terms, but if one has more liaisons than the other, even by coincidence, a mentality of needing to "keep up" may drive the other to encounters they wouldn't otherwise choose.

Some customize their open relationship with rules and boundaries... this is something that also CAN work, but again I have seen in plenty of cases it is easy for these rules to erode into mistrust and chaos also.

So... actually I would say... if you're so inclined... try it, but not with someone you couldn't bear to lose. The outcome can be quite unpredictable

Damn... (/rant)

Sorry to ramble.
 
I remember DrDrew saying something like,"The new sexual code seems to have been invented by 17 year old boys who can't believe they've gotten everyone else to go along with it."
 
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