Travis
Misanthrope of the Mountains
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2007
- Messages
- 24,133
So you all thought that a crippling double blow of stomach flu and food poisoning could keep the December Stundie Finals down forever! Ha! Even I will eventually stop explosively expelling..........I should probably stop writing about it right now.
Let it be known that once on the great information exchange known as the internet this was written by someone:
And let it be known that it won a Stundie Award.
So now what you all want. The December Finals.
1) Hitler boasted about something he didn't have? Next thing you know you'll tell me he had a huge ego too.***
2) I feel very sorry for the residents of a nation that thinks that testing intercontinental ballistic missiles requires no aerospace training because it isn't rocket science. I wonder how the brain surgery is done there?***
3) Well shoot. If only the top of the WTC towers had only been a cup of water then things would have been fine. Alternatively, jetliners made of marshmallow would also have been neat.***
4) That does it. Someone get the tech people from CSI working on the Unified Field Theory pronto.***
5) Step one: redefine all outcomes as part of success. Step two: declare "success."***
6) Um......they are made by more common looking Judges?***
7) It must be sad to live a life sequestered in a bubble devoid of exposure to all falling objects.***
8) I love it when rebels ask permission to go be all rebellious. I hate it when the obedient do nothing you ask of them.***
9) Yes, when the incompetent lawyer will no longer do I say you should throw caution into the wind and just go get advice from that screaming man on the corner who thinks the ghost of Ronald Reagan is hunting the ghost of Walt Disney for sport.***
10) In this alternate universe the USA isn't just afflicted by obesity but by hyper-obesity and anorexics apparently defy the law of conservation of mass. I assume most of them get burned as witches.***
11) I can think of a few problems with attempting to exterminate a loosely defined group of people.***
12) Is there a non-pejorative name for specializing in the communication of the indecipherable?***
13) If I ran the psychology zoo I'd have the manic-depressive tiger in the petting area. I'd also expect to be sued often.***
14) The key to keeping things secret is to make them more complex.***
15) Orbital mechanics get upended when it is realized everyone forgot to account for the huge rocket engines that keep planets moving.***
16) That Grand Canyon is supposed to be impressive but when I flew over it I was able to cover it all up with my hand. How is a canyon smaller than my hand impressive?***
17) Fire always gets so dispirited when it discovers the things it wants to burn have already been flattened.***
18) Journal entry: November 1966. Today my boss asked me to Photoshop a picture. Tomorrow I start construction on the time machine to take me to some future where this presumably exists.***
19) I am open to any idea except the one that would easily explain everything while remaining consistent with all recorded historical precedent.***
20) You're supposed to be some sort of expert butcher and yet you keep saying "beef" when you are talking about cow meat.
Let it be known that once on the great information exchange known as the internet this was written by someone:
"My assumptions are correct and being common knowledge, are immune from attack."
And let it be known that it won a Stundie Award.
So now what you all want. The December Finals.
1) Hitler boasted about something he didn't have? Next thing you know you'll tell me he had a huge ego too.
2) I feel very sorry for the residents of a nation that thinks that testing intercontinental ballistic missiles requires no aerospace training because it isn't rocket science. I wonder how the brain surgery is done there?
3) Well shoot. If only the top of the WTC towers had only been a cup of water then things would have been fine. Alternatively, jetliners made of marshmallow would also have been neat.
4) That does it. Someone get the tech people from CSI working on the Unified Field Theory pronto.
5) Step one: redefine all outcomes as part of success. Step two: declare "success."
6) Um......they are made by more common looking Judges?
7) It must be sad to live a life sequestered in a bubble devoid of exposure to all falling objects.
8) I love it when rebels ask permission to go be all rebellious. I hate it when the obedient do nothing you ask of them.
9) Yes, when the incompetent lawyer will no longer do I say you should throw caution into the wind and just go get advice from that screaming man on the corner who thinks the ghost of Ronald Reagan is hunting the ghost of Walt Disney for sport.
10) In this alternate universe the USA isn't just afflicted by obesity but by hyper-obesity and anorexics apparently defy the law of conservation of mass. I assume most of them get burned as witches.
11) I can think of a few problems with attempting to exterminate a loosely defined group of people.
12) Is there a non-pejorative name for specializing in the communication of the indecipherable?
13) If I ran the psychology zoo I'd have the manic-depressive tiger in the petting area. I'd also expect to be sued often.
14) The key to keeping things secret is to make them more complex.
15) Orbital mechanics get upended when it is realized everyone forgot to account for the huge rocket engines that keep planets moving.
16) That Grand Canyon is supposed to be impressive but when I flew over it I was able to cover it all up with my hand. How is a canyon smaller than my hand impressive?
17) Fire always gets so dispirited when it discovers the things it wants to burn have already been flattened.
18) Journal entry: November 1966. Today my boss asked me to Photoshop a picture. Tomorrow I start construction on the time machine to take me to some future where this presumably exists.
19) I am open to any idea except the one that would easily explain everything while remaining consistent with all recorded historical precedent.
20) You're supposed to be some sort of expert butcher and yet you keep saying "beef" when you are talking about cow meat.
Last edited:
