the existance of love?

[lauras]

hi i dont know if this in the right place again so sorry if its not.
Ok so this is a place for skeptics to debate with believers or vise versa so i thought i would ask about the consept of love.
I am changing my mind daily at the moment some days i strongly believe that true love does exist and others i feel it is completely impossible for this consept to work properly so reall i am debating with myself and want to here how other people feel about this subject.
Thanks x

 

[Bob2038]

I do not believe in "true love", "soul mates", "meant for each other", etc. It would be foolish to say that love doesn't exist, I just don't believe that it is some mystical magical thing.

 

[lauras]

Ok so you believe in love as in it is a chemical reaction in the brain that makes you feel that way or just that it does exist.
But you do not believe that there is one person out there that is your other halve who is meant to be with you and it is just a case of finding them. But i thought to believe in love you had to believe that.

 

[Minarvia]

Why would you have to believe in "your other half" if you believe in love? I love my husband dearly but certainly don't believe that without him I am only one half of a person.
Maybe I am just not understanding you here. And you can have all sorts of love, right? Love for parents, friends, pets, causes, right? I don't see what that has to do with finding one person who is "your other half."

 

[Furcifer]

But you do not believe that there is one person out there that is your other halve who is meant to be with you and it is just a case of finding them. But i thought to believe in love you had to believe that.

No. If there was a sould mate for you, and you were his, what are the chances that they would also reside on the same continent, same country, same state, same city? Seems unlikely, and yet a majority of people find their mate within a very small radius of where they grew up.

The sould mate concept is actually pretty detrimental to society. It implies that there is a person with whom you never have to try and love. It just happens. People who believe in this set themselves up for miserable partnership. I think it's a myth created by Divorce lawyers.

Soul Mates are made, they aren't out there waiting to happen.

 

[Tricky]

"Love", like "consciousness" is a word that is broadly used to describe a number of different physical and mental states. And indeed these physical and mental states do exist, but the problem is that they are too loosely defined to be grouped as a single phenomenon. Physical attraction and arousal may often be part of what we call love, but certainly not the whole part, and there are some aspects of love which do not require them at all.

So it's not unusual to grapple with the question of "is this True Love" when they realize that some of the different aspects of love are not what they expected. This doesn't (always) mean that you can't still be in love, but you can never love a person quite the same way once you've seen them in some way that diminishes them, be it "naked" or "in the morning" or "falling-down-drunk". The process of "falling in love" (excluding infatuation) consists of adding information about a person until you conclude you want to be with them. The process of falling out of love is also about adding information, but with the opposite conclusion.

I apologize if this sounds cynical and clinical, because I'm not really that way. I am fairly passionate in many ways, and I think that everyone needs to love as much as they can without imperiling their health or sanity.

 

[godless dave]

Ok so you believe in love as in it is a chemical reaction in the brain that makes you feel that way or just that it does exist.

All emotions are chemical activity in the brain.

But you do not believe that there is one person out there that is your other halve who is meant to be with you and it is just a case of finding them. But i thought to believe in love you had to believe that.

No, that's not a definition of "love" I've ever heard of.

 

[lauras]

Sorry im not very good at getting things said properly i have never been good at it.
Ok i understand that there are many different types of love as you said but love for your parents and other close family is not opptional you may at some point in your life not like or agree with your family but you can never stop loving them its just not possible.
What im talking about is do you never feel that a part of you is missing that there is an empty space in your soul that needs to be filled.
My mum thinks it is because i was meant to be a twin but my sister was still born and maybe thats what i am craving for. But with my ex boyfriend that space was filled untill we split up i felt whole for the first time in my life.
I hope that explains a bit better x

 

[skeptifem]

ive heard someone say 'you never really love anyone. you love the way you feel around them.' it was an interesting thought...

 

[rjwould]

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly" Sam Keen

 

[YoPopa]

Welcome to JREF Lauras!

I think each of the previous posters answered your question very well and each in their own way.

I especially liked what 3bodyproblem and Tricky had to say even though they were not specifically talking about that part of you that is missing.

Perhaps this part of you is not a single part but a whole bunch of parts, each with different needs. There is a part of you that might want to be a parent and another part just wants a warm cuddle under the blankets on a cold night. Some part wants someone to take out the trash or change the oil in your car while another wants someone to talk to till all hours of the morning or go exploring new places on your next vacation.

I'm sure there are many other parts to who you are. All the various parts have their own ways of letting you know what it is that would make them work better, or happier, just the way thirst tells you that your body needs water. The part of you that wants to be a parent will light the fire down below while the part that loves to talk will pick up the phone.

In the end it's all biology,




wonderful, fantastic, incredible, beautiful biology.


Yo

 

[godless dave]

Sorry im not very good at getting things said properly i have never been good at it.
Ok i understand that there are many different types of love as you said but love for your parents and other close family is not opptional you may at some point in your life not like or agree with your family but you can never stop loving them its just not possible.

Oh, I don't know about that.

What im talking about is do you never feel that a part of you is missing that there is an empty space in your soul that needs to be filled.
My mum thinks it is because i was meant to be a twin but my sister was still born and maybe thats what i am craving for. But with my ex boyfriend that space was filled untill we split up i felt whole for the first time in my life.
I hope that explains a bit better x

It sounds like you're talking about romantic love (some other languages make this discussion easier by having different words for different kinds of love). Yes, I think that emotion exists.

 

[fishbait]

There's a fine line between love and nausea.

 

[Dogdoctor]

There may be lots of people out the who are right for you or none. However there are billions of people so the odds are good someone should fit with your personality. The whole idea that there is only one or that you will ever meet a person who you are totally compatible with is baseless. Some people want a fantasy so no real person exists. Mostly relationships take work and commitment.

 

[Starthinker]

All I know about this topic is that there is a woman out there that I am madly in love with but there were too many obstacles to overcome to make it work. Now I can't eat or sleep, I see her everywhere, I swear I can smell her hair in the morning and it litterally hurts in my chest and stomach to even think about her. I can't concentrate on anything. I just want to wrap my life around hers for the rest of my life. Whatever love is, it's real in practice.

I keep telling myself it's a cruel chemical reaction, a trick of evolution to keep the species going. Forget Love Potion #9, someone needs to invent a cure. Yes, love is real, and I hope it never happens to me again.

 

[Minarvia]

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly" Sam Keen

Lovely quote! I'll have to remember that.

 

[YoPopa]

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly" Sam Keen

Lovely quote! I'll have to remember that.

Seconded. It reminds me of another thought I cannot quote accurately but it went something like this:

When I was young I placed a high value on falling in love. Now I place a high value on learning to love.

 

[baron]

I'm a romantic and a realist. I believe there's one single person out there who's perfect for me... but I have a one in 500 million chance of meeting them.

 

[Starthinker]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fmM0orXH-s&feature=dir

 

[Old man]

…but love for your parents and other close family is not opptional you may at some point in your life not like or agree with your family but you can never stop loving them its just not possible…

How do you account for the feelings that I have for my family, then?

All I know about this topic is that there is a woman out there that I am madly in love with but there were too many obstacles to overcome to make it work. Now I can't eat or sleep, I see her everywhere, I swear I can smell her hair in the morning and it litterally hurts in my chest and stomach to even think about her. I can't concentrate on anything. I just want to wrap my life around hers for the rest of my life. Whatever love is, it's real in practice.

I keep telling myself it's a cruel chemical reaction, a trick of evolution to keep the species going. Forget Love Potion #9, someone needs to invent a cure. Yes, love is real, and I hope it never happens to me again.

Yep - been there, doin’ that.