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Stubborn Fundy



this image is now posted on my fridge in 8x10 size and he hasn't said anything but he is being very quiet on religion again, i also gave him the track back with a little note telling him that i didn't approve of the message it gave and that unless he wanted to really get into a discussion he should keep the tracks to himself, they have all dissapeared from the house, i guess he moved them to his vehicle,
thank you to everyone who responded to my whining, it really helped to clear my head and decide what to do

wolfgirl
Originally Posted by Beth
gypsey,Have you considered discussing your feelings and options with a counselor. It sounds like the last few years have been difficult ones for you. It can really help to have a third party who is dispassionate about the situation give suggestions about what you can do to either change your situation or help you feel better about it.
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Actually, gypsey, this is what I would suggest, too, now that I think about it, before talking to a lawyer. See if there is some way to either go to counseling together, or if that's impossible, get counseling yourself. I would certainly rather see the marriage be saved if that's even possible, if there's some way to make him see what he's doing to you. (Yes, I do change my mind a lot...it's one of the things I'm working on, but I keep changing my mind about how to approach it. )
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Beth and wolfgirl
i have sugessted counseling for us but he will only talk with his preacher, there aren't many options in our area so i talk to my doctor a lot, he has been our family doc for about 16 years and knows us all and he is very kind calm and has a lot of common sense:cool: he helps keep my head screwed on straight
thank you for being so nice:D
 
Madalch
Originally Posted by gypsey
i love this idea, we used to have bonfires at my daughters place every few weeks but haven't been able to lately( because it's so dry) so i could take them with me for the next one, we are always looking for more stuff to burn
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And if he doesn't get the message with that, toss his bible in the next one.
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:dl:
i just might do that!!
 
pgwenthold gypsey

I concur with the others who have suggested you look into options for your life. If nothing else, you need to confront your husband seriously. Something like, "I'm not happy" is a good way to start.

If there are any questions about the sanctity of a marriage vow, or something like that, remember that things have changed since you have been married. You have undoubtedly changed in some ways, and he has absolutely changed.

If he loves you, and is actually concerned about your happiness, he must listen. If he won't listen, and won't try to do anything to help, then what does it tell you about his feelings for you?

You got married because you thought he considered you the most important thing in his life. Now, his priorities have changed (even if he says that God was the most important thing back then, it is still true that his priorities have changed, with you dropping down). You are well within your rights to let him know that you deserve happiness, and to get that from him you need to be a higher priority in his life.

Life is too short to be stuck in a relationship where you are miserable. First try to make the relationship not miserable. In order to do that, you have to confront the problem, and that means letting him know.
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i have actually sat him down and talked about everthing that is going on, i tried to stay very calm and reasonable, i asked if he was so involved in that cult because of something i wasn't doing or was doing at home, i can be a real pain and i know it so i thought maybe i was the cause for him seeking something more or different, he swore that it was just something in him,
of course he said the same thing when he had the affair all those years ago:(

and just for the record i don't cut him out of my life in anything except the religon and politics, the kids and i try to include him in as many activities as we can but he is a truck driver so we only see him at night and sundays after church
in spite of the fundy !@%^ i still love the man he was and when he leaves off preaching my hubby sometimes still peeks out of the shell:p

it is just hard to deal with sometimes and it really hurts when he's got his "preach on" but coming here really helps
thanks:)
 
please if i missed replying to anyone i am very sorry but kk's posts really screwed up the whole thread for me, she is such a self righteous selfish hateful arrogant kinda person that i can't seem to concentrate on the rest, i get enough of that nonsense around here:mad:
to everyone thank you very much




p.s
kk all i can say to you is i feel so sorry for those children you mention, of all the things to raise your voice about what a silly trivial bit of nonsense, your poor poor family
 
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gypsey said:
it is just hard to deal with sometimes and it really hurts when he's got his "preach on" but coming here really helps
thanks:)
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I'm glad to hear that you have confronted it, but don't forget, he needs to make you a priority. If he knows that it hurts you when he has his "preach on," then, if he loves you as he should, he won't do it.

And if that works, then all is much better.
 
kurious_kathy said:
Sorry, I know it's a weakness of mine when I want to make a point with people. Yesterday I got loud in the kitchen with the kids when I was sharing some of what the Bible says about not reading horoscopes, going to psychics, messing around with tarot cards or anything pertaining to the occult. I can't help but get loud about it now that I see through God's Word how bad those things are. In the past when I did those things I was clueless to what scripture taught about those things being wrong. Now it's a strong personal conviction I just can't help but get voicedross about.
God help us all know the truth that sets us free!
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You're such a silly trout.

"If you only knew what I knew."

LMAO! Do you know how much more devoted fundamental Muslims are, how much more emotionally fullfilled they are, than you and your ilk? Muslims formally pray 5 times a day! They consider themselves in a mode of prayer constantly. You must be one of the most arrogant people alive, to think that your emotions are more important and revealing about issues than other people and their religions are. The average fundamental Muslim is direct evidence right under your nose that there is a different religion out there that, according to your criteria of truth, is more true than yours.

LOL... what about Buddhists monks? When you're so spiritually moved to deny yourself life and become completely devoted to your spiritual perspective, then you can come and rant off about how you're "so much more moved" than everybody else.
 
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gypsey said:
please if i missed replying to anyone i am very sorry but kk's posts really screwed up the whole thread for me, she is such a self righteous selfish hateful arrogant kinda person that i can't seem to concentrate on the rest, i get enough of that nonsense around here:mad:
to everyone thank you very much
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Put her on ignore and change you settings to that people you have on ignore posts do not even show up.

This can give strange results though as people sometimes seem to be arguing with themselves.
 
gypsey said:
please if i missed replying to anyone i am very sorry but kk's posts really screwed up the whole thread for me, she is such a self righteous selfish hateful arrogant kinda person that i can't seem to concentrate on the rest, i get enough of that nonsense around here:mad:
to everyone thank you very much

p.s
kk all i can say to you is i feel so sorry for those children you mention, of all the things to raise your voice about what a silly trivial bit of nonsense, your poor poor family
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All KK does is preach her fundy BS. And often she's quite hateful to people. For example, she told Fowlsound that he got cancer in order to become closer to god. She also implied to Slingblade that she was responsible for her very absusive husband. If she really upsets you, you can add her to your ignore list by clicking on her name and selecting the ignore option.

You have my sympathies about your situation.
 
Gypsey, I like that cartoon! Nicely pithy. ;)

And try not to mind KK. Do put her on ignore; that's good advice. She's the sort of fundie I personally loathe: a control freak who's willing to yell at total strangers, so she can feel all righteous and good about herself and her battle against the heathen. She also can't spell "boisterous" to save her life, and thinks it's "voicedross."

I understand the situation you're in, Gypsey. Supercorgi mentioned my abusive ex. His abuse was Fundy-christian fueled. And he used all that crap in 2 Corinthians that misogynist Paul puked up. He even used to hit me in the head with the bible while screaming at me to "submit."

They don't get much more submissive than I am, as a result of all that. Nor much more self-loathing. :(

I take it we may be around the same age; I also have a 27-year-old son, and one who is 28. My youngest is still Christian, but doesn't seem Fundy, and my eldest is agnostic.

My biggest worry for you, Gypsey, is the control issue. My experience with Fundies has shown me that men who are drawn to it love that control, especially over women. Now, I know I don't know everything about your situation, so I'm speaking out of my experience, only. If it doesn't apply to you, that's fine. I hope with all my heart it never does apply to you.

My experience says his control issues are only going to get worse. For you. He is being taught that he is the head of your household, and that you should be obedient to him, even as the church is obedient to god. And as far as fundies are concerned, your husband is the church; not you.

Thus, my advice to you is simple. I fully understand about not being able to leave, but if he starts getting more controlling, it will only get worse, not better. Just keep your eyes open, and be thinking about ways and means to get out of it, in the future. You'd be surprised at what you can change when you really have to--even things you thought couldn't be changed, ever.

So hang in there, and hang onto you. It's really easy to lose yourself in that belief system.

Hugs, Gypsey. :hug5
 
For a brief second there I thought people were referring to me when they were talking about 'KK'.
 
ponderingturtle

Originally Posted by gypsey

i just might do that!!
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but would he notice? How often does he read it and how much of it does he read?
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he carries it with him everywhere, calls it it his sword, he also has a new testament that he carries
he reads every night but i don't think he comprehends a lot of what he is reading, he has always hated reading and is one of those who has to read out loud to himself to get any thing from it, i hate being in the same room when he tries to read anything, he is very smart and very well educated but reading is a chore for him, he got into a biblical debate with our oldest daughter once and she owned him :cool:
none of our kids are religious but they all read and learned a lot of the bible in self defense so they actually know more about what he "loves" than he does

as for kk, she is like a bad accident to me, i can't seem to look away even though i know i should :jaw-dropp



supercorgi

Originally Posted by gypsey
please if i missed replying to anyone i am very sorry but kk's posts really screwed up the whole thread for me, she is such a self righteous selfish hateful arrogant kinda person that i can't seem to concentrate on the rest, i get enough of that nonsense around here
to everyone thank you very much

p.s
kk all i can say to you is i feel so sorry for those children you mention, of all the things to raise your voice about what a silly trivial bit of nonsense, your poor poor family
Click to expand...

All KK does is preach her fundy BS. And often she's quite hateful to people. For example, she told Fowlsound that he got cancer in order to become closer to god. She also implied to Slingblade that she was responsible for her very absusive husband. If she really upsets you, you can add her to your ignore list by clicking on her name and selecting the ignore option.

You have my sympathies about your situation.
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yeah i knew about the hateful things she said to fowlsound and to slingblade and it really upset me as i have a lot of respect for both, i lurked around here for a long time before i registered and even though i don't post a lot i read everything pretty much,
as for kk i hope for her families sake that she eventually opens her eyes to the pain she cause's others and the evil she spouts in the name of god

thank you for the nice thoughts:D
 
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slingblade

Gypsey, I like that cartoon! Nicely pithy.

And try not to mind KK. Do put her on ignore; that's good advice. She's the sort of fundie I personally loathe: a control freak who's willing to yell at total strangers, so she can feel all righteous and good about herself and her battle against the heathen. She also can't spell "boisterous" to save her life, and thinks it's "voicedross."

I understand the situation you're in, Gypsey. Supercorgi mentioned my abusive ex. His abuse was Fundy-christian fueled. And he used all that crap in 2 Corinthians that misogynist Paul puked up. He even used to hit me in the head with the bible while screaming at me to "submit."

They don't get much more submissive than I am, as a result of all that. Nor much more self-loathing.

I take it we may be around the same age; I also have a 27-year-old son, and one who is 28. My youngest is still Christian, but doesn't seem Fundy, and my eldest is agnostic.

My biggest worry for you, Gypsey, is the control issue. My experience with Fundies has shown me that men who are drawn to it love that control, especially over women. Now, I know I don't know everything about your situation, so I'm speaking out of my experience, only. If it doesn't apply to you, that's fine. I hope with all my heart it never does apply to you.

My experience says his control issues are only going to get worse. For you. He is being taught that he is the head of your household, and that you should be obedient to him, even as the church is obedient to god. And as far as fundies are concerned, your husband is the church; not you.

Thus, my advice to you is simple. I fully understand about not being able to leave, but if he starts getting more controlling, it will only get worse, not better. Just keep your eyes open, and be thinking about ways and means to get out of it, in the future. You'd be surprised at what you can change when you really have to--even things you thought couldn't be changed, ever.

So hang in there, and hang onto you. It's really easy to lose yourself in that belief system.

Hugs, Gypsey.
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thank you so much i thought it got the point across :)
as for kk like i told ponderingturtle she is like a wreck about to happen for me, you want to look away but morbid curiosity keeps you looking :eek:
she's defiantly a control freak for sure, i feel so sorry for the children she talks about

i can't imagine raising my voice at any of my children for something so stupid and i yell at mine quite frequently for the stupid stuff they pull even though they are grown :D
my son is 26 and my girls are 25 and 22 and that's just the 3 that are blood related, i have at last count 13 that call me mom ranging from 9 to 29,
kk talks about how rough she had things and i think she is full of something cause i've seen what suffering is and god hasn't done anything for me or any of those kids, it was all done on their own with a little support and help from someone who understood them, no rule 8 gods needed

words from a stranger on line might not mean much slingblade but i want you to know i admire you a lot you have always been one of my favorite posters since i started lurking here and i think you are much stronger than you know, you have more common sense and strength than 90% of the people i interact with in real life and i would be proud to call you friend

i'm going to try to put these thoughts into words without sounding too harsh and still make sense so here goes

i have suspected some things about h for a long time now and i think it explains him pretty good, i believe he is bi-sexual and that he would be the submissive partner if he could, it is pushing him to be "the man" of the family and i think thats why it is so important to him that i be "in my place"
he doesn't push it as hard as that sounds though since last year when i quit handling all the day to day "head of house" stuff like paying bills and dealing with all the yardwork and repairs, that only lasted 2 months:D

i really believe that was why he had an affair before he found religion and when we started the counseling back then that was the main reason the therapist and i decided i should let him continue alone
i had hoped that if he could work it out in counseling he would have been happier and i was more than capable of standing on my own then and even though it sounds cliché i really did love him so much that i just wanted him to be happy
i think a lot of the actions and attitude i see now stem from him trying to prove what a "man" he is and his fear that he would be cut off from his father or from the kids because of it, i don't know about how his father would handle it but the kids would be fine, they are some pretty open minded and amazing people if i do say so myself
knowing this tempers my emotions somewhat when dealing with him but i let it get to me sometimes and thats what happened the other morning when i started this thread

this isn't saying anything against how you handled things slingblade but if he ever hit me with his bible he would be eating it!!i am pretty passive most of the time too but somethings i just can't handle and i will fight back and physical abuse of any kind is crossing the line
he does try the macho "me tarzan you jane" thing and i just picture him in his pretty house dress and smile :big:
i am hanging onto me as hard as i can and knowing i can come here helps me to hang on and i know it sounds stupid but i really do have hope that someday he will snap out of the nonsense

hugs to you too slingblade and thank you for talking to me
:hug4
 
kerikiwi

For a brief second there I thought people were referring to me when they were talking about 'KK'.
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i am so sorry for scaring you kerikiwi:blush:
i shorten her name because she's not worth typing it out:decool:
 
l0rca said:
LMAO! Do you know how much more devoted fundamental Muslims are, how much more emotionally fullfilled they are, than you and your ilk? Muslims formally pray 5 times a day! They consider themselves in a mode of prayer constantly. You must be one of the most arrogant people alive, to think that your emotions are more important and revealing about issues than other people and their religions are. The average fundamental Muslim is direct evidence right under your nose that there is a different religion out there that, according to your criteria of truth, is more true than yours.
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No I think this guy takes the cake...In an open letter to President George Bush, Ahmadi-nejad invited Bush to become a Muslim; then later said in an interview, "Those who refuse to accept an invitation to good will (to follow Islam) will not have a good ending or fate." You don't see president Bush making that kind of threat.

I would say Christians have a right to be condfident because no matter what happens God is faithful. Oh and by the way the Muslims Allah isn't the same God. Jesus is real and personal, Mohammad just another phony! You can tell the difference if you are open to the truth. Jesus Saves!
 
kurious_kathy said:
I would say Christians have a right to be condfident because no matter what happens God is faithful. Oh and by the way the Muslims Allah isn't the same God. Jesus is real and personal, Mohammad just another phony! You can tell the difference if you are open to the truth. Jesus Saves!
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When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the humble is wisdom. - Proverbs 11:2

You might want to work on that humility a bit.
 
kurious_kathy said:
No I think this guy takes the cake...In an open letter to President George Bush, Ahmadi-nejad invited Bush to become a Muslim; then later said in an interview, "Those who refuse to accept an invitation to good will (to follow Islam) will not have a good ending or fate."
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He sounds just like you!
kurious_kathy said:
You don't see president Bush making that kind of threat.
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Actually, you do.

kurious_kathy said:
I would say Christians Muslims have a right to be condfident because no matter what happens God is faithful. Oh and by the way the Muslims Allah Christian god isn't the same God. Jesus Mohammad is real and personal, Mohammad Jesus just another phony! You can tell the difference if you are open to the truth.
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Do a little edit and you sound just like a fundie Muslim. Don't you.

kurious_kathy said:
Jesus Saves!
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...but Mohammed scores on the rebound!
 
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