Soul Mates

[Magrat]

I found cutting loose of dud relationships early to be a useful tool.
<le snip>
Always throw the first one back - just like the more important kind of fishing.

I needed this advice 16 years ago, where were you then?!

Srsly though, media does sell you the story of your one true love consistently from a very early age. Reference: every single Disney Princess movie. Also we are discouraged by major religion from giving up; Christianity prohibits premarital sex and divorce, so you'd just best hope you're compatible because you're stuck!

 

[madurobob]

Really? Requited? I mean, you're cool but, dang that's impressive.

Not so much. A girlfriend in my early 20s definitely counts. Life pulled us in different directions, but we remain very close. My wife in the 90s definitely counts - a sudden fatal cerebral hemorrhage after the birth of our second son pretty much ended our relationship. My current wife also definitely counts - I cannot really conceive of live without her, or at least don't want to consider it.

All three True Love, all three Soul Mates.

 

[BStrong]

I have an optimistic heart and a pessimistic brain, but I voted yes.

I actually met my soulmate.

Unfortunately, as it sometimes turns out, her soulmate (thus far) is sold by the bottle just about everywhere.

 

[The Greater Fool]

I guess I believe my spouse and I are soul mates. Or so she tells me

There was an NPR story 40ish years ago that I still recall: It was a study of some sort that came to the conclusion that the average person meets 200 people in their lifetimes that would be a soul mate match. It buoyed my hopes.

 

[Shadowdweller]

I'd go along with that, which is why it's important to cast the net far, wide & often. If you're fishing for a soul-mate, which I think most people do, it's silly to take the first one and think it will be THE one.

Always throw the first one back - just like the more important kind of fishing.

Yeah...although there is also a significant opportunity to cost to spending too much time "casting the net"; depending on how one goes about it. And the difference between "good" and "the best" might not be all that notable. As far as relationships go, I'm mostly surprised as to the extent to which most people seem to let random chance dictate how and who they converse or connect with.

 

[Loss Leader]

If we posit some sort of widespread psychological variation and then analyze random pairs of individuals, it would be inevitable that we find certain individuals that think in patterns more closely similar to each other

You're describing my parents. They share the same brain. If ever there's an argument for soulmates, they're it. The only thing they didn't do was overcome some great obstacle to their love.

This pretty much sums it up:

They were lovebirds. They entertained each other endlessly with little gifts: sights worth seeing out the plane window, amusing or instructive bits from things they read, random recollections of times gone by. They were, I think, a flawless example of what Bokonon calls a duprass, which is a karass composed of only two persons.

 

[Magrat]

You're describing my parents. They share the same brain. If ever there's an argument for soulmates, they're it. The only thing they didn't do was overcome some great obstacle to their love.

This pretty much sums it up:

​

I've never met a couple like that, but always wished I could be half of one.

 

[Corsair 115]

I'm generally not a touchy-feely person, but hug accepted.

There's probably someone out there who would be compatible, if your standards aren't unrealistically high.

My standard are really pretty ordinary. What I've learned is this: I'm simply not the type of guy who sets women's hearts aflutter. I've known this since high school. It's probably a combination of things: below average height; average looks (on a good day); a generally shy, reserved demeanor—I don't exactly burst forth with confidence, brash or otherwise; a certain degree of general social awkwardness; a lack of any big ambition or drive—I live a simple life (which I'm totally okay with) and feel no need nor desire to change that, especially just to please or interest somebody else; and, perhaps, I'm just physically deficient in the relevant pheromones. I'm also not exactly young anymore. It all makes for a glorious combo!

I'd have made a great monk—if it weren't for a complete lack of religious interest, that is.

Are you putting yourself out there via reaching out somehow, either via some kind of dating site or app, or in the real world, or have you given up trying? If you don't try it would be all but a certainty.

In my experience trying and not trying have yielded the same results.

I suppose I might try a specific effort in the next few months on dating sites and such, but in all honesty I fully expect that'll just confirm what I already know. I have had occasion in recent months to meet a few women taking night courses—there was one in particular who had the most amazing personality of any woman I've ever met—but all of these have gone nowhere, sadly. (That one in particular going nowhere was a downer. Oh well.)

It's also the case that most people actually have many potential soul mates, but never meet them, or not recognise them if they do.

Well, if one never meets them, how could one be sure they were a soul mate? Also, arguably, meeting someone and not recognizing that person as a soul mate means there weren't a soul mate. (Let's get existential!)

There was an NPR story 40ish years ago that I still recall: It was a study of some sort that came to the conclusion that the average person meets 200 people in their lifetimes that would be a soul mate match. It buoyed my hopes.

If that's accurate, then I am way, WAY behind the average! (I'm in the bottom 10% club, at least according to some CDC data I read awhile back.)

 

[Magrat]

I'm generally not a touchy-feely person, but hug accepted.

my standard are really pretty ordinary. What I've learned is this: I'm simply not the type of guy who sets women's hearts aflutter. I've known this since high school. It's probably a combination of things: below average height; average looks (on a good day); a generally shy, reserved demeanor—I don't exactly burst forth with confidence, brash or otherwise; a certain degree of general social awkwardness; a lack of any big ambition or drive—I live a simple life (which I'm totally okay with) and feel no need nor desire to change that, especially just to please or interest somebody else; and, perhaps, I'm just physically deficient in the relevant pheromones. I'm also not exactly young anymore. It all makes for a glorious combo!

You sound great to me, the crippled lady in the process of divorce. Obviously I'm a catch and a half. meant as a complement anyway.

 

[ZirconBlue]

Ben Folds Five

Ah. In that case, I suggest Tim Minchin's "If I Didn't Have You". Partial lyrics:

Yeah, yeah...
If I didn't have you

If I didn't have you to hold me tight
If I didn't have you
If I didn't have you to lie with at night
When I'm feeling blue
If I didn't have you to share my sighs
Share my sighs
And to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry

Well I
Really think that I would
Have somebody else

If I didn't have you
If I didn't have you
Someone else would do

Your love is one in a million
One in a million
You couldn't buy it at any price
Can't buy love

But of the 9 point 9 9 9 hundred thousand other loves
Statistically some of them would be equally nice
Equally nice

Or maybe not as nice but, say, smarter than you
Or dumber but better at sport or... tracing

 

[3point14]

Ah. In that case, I suggest Tim Minchin's "If I Didn't Have You". Partial lyrics:

I was just about to post this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gaid72fqzNE


But you beat me to it.

(so I thought I'd do it anyway )

 

[Magrat]

Ah. In that case, I suggest Tim Minchin's "If I Didn't Have You". Partial lyrics:

Oh that's awesome lolllllll I like that a lot!

 

[Corsair 115]

You sound great to me, the crippled lady in the process of divorce.

Sorry to hear that—I hope the divorce isn't being too contentious.