Bigfoot Evidence by SweatyYeti
(Skeptic walks in the door)
Skeptic: Good Morning.
SweatyYeti: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to Sweaty's Bigfoot Shop!
Skeptic: Ah, thank you, my good man.
SweatyYeti: What can we do for you, Sir?
Skeptic: I want to see some evidence.
SweatyYeti: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Skeptic: Well, eh, how about a few footprints?
SweatyYeti: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of footprints, sir.
Skeptic: Oh, never mind, how are you on photos?
SweatyYeti: I'm afraid we never have those at the end of the week, sir, we'll get some fresh on Monday.
Skeptic: Tish tish. No matter. Well, four ounces of bigfoot blood, if you please.
SweatyYeti: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Skeptic: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, vocalizations?
SweatyYeti: Sorry, sir.
Skeptic: Hairs?
SweatyYeti: Normally, sir, yes. Today we've misplaced them.
Skeptic: Ah. Reliable videos?
SweatyYeti: Sorry.
Skeptic: Fingerprints?
SweatyYeti: (pause) No.
Skeptic: Scat, perhaps?
SweatyYeti: Ah! We have scat, yessir.
Skeptic: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
SweatyYeti: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
Skeptic: Oh, I like it runny.
SweatyYeti: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
Skeptic: No matter. Fetch hither the sewage de la Grande Sasquatch! Mmmwah!
SweatyYeti: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
Skeptic: I don't care how bloody runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
SweatyYeti: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)
Skeptic: What now?
SweatyYeti: The cat's eaten it.
Skeptic: (pause) Has he.
SweatyYeti: She, sir.
Skeptic: You...do *have* some evidence, don't you?
SweatyYeti: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a Bigfoot Shop, sir. We've got--
Skeptic: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
SweatyYeti: Fair enough.
Skeptic: Bigfoot nests?
SweatyYeti: Not *today*, sir, no.
Skeptic: (pause) Aah, how about some DNA results?
SweatyYeti: Well, we don't get much call for that around here, sir.
Skeptic: Not much ca-- it's the single most supportive evidence in the world!
SweatyYeti: Not 'round here, sir.
Skeptic: (slight pause) and what IS the most supportive evidence 'round hyah?
SweatyYeti: Joyce, sir.
Skeptic: IS she.
SweatyYeti: Oh, yes, she's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Skeptic: Is she?
SweatyYeti: She's our best evidence yet, sir!
Skeptic: I see. Uuh...Joyce, eh?
SweatyYeti: Right, sir.
Skeptic: All right. Okay. 'Is she here?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
SweatyYeti: I'll have a look, sir........nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Skeptic: It's not much of a bigfoot shop, is it?
SweatyYeti: Finest in the district!
Skeptic: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
SweatyYeti: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Skeptic: It's certainly uncontaminated by evidence....
SweatyYeti: (brightly) You haven't asked me about definitive proof, sir.
Skeptic: Would it be worth it?
SweatyYeti: Could be....
Skeptic: (slowly) Have you got any definitive proof?
SweatyYeti: No.
Skeptic: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
SweatyYeti: Yessir?
Skeptic: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any evidence here at all?
SweatyYeti: Yes, sir.
Skeptic: Really?
(pause)
SweatyYeti: No. Not really, sir.
Skeptic: You haven't.
SweatyYeti: Nosir. Not a scrap. we were deliberately wasting your time, sir.