appeared to pass through the surface of the seance room table (appearing immediately underneath in areas inaccessible to the Scole Group), settled on outstretched hands for close inspection, sustained circles in mid-air at a speed and with a precision inconsistent with manual manipulation (often ‘switching’ off various segments of the circle),
Don't forget to have somebody under the table shining a flashlight.
responded to requests and apparently entered investigators’ bodies, entered crystals placed upon the table and either illuminated the whole crystal or moved as a small point of light throughout their structure, entered a glass dome in the center of the table.
Hire good listeners with steady hands (so it looks mechanical). Oh, and put the glass bowl in the center of the table before you start.
* Small lights which appear to enter, illuminate and levitate crystals.
Hang those crystals on fishing wire before hand. You can make a crude pulley out of a hook on the ceiling just by stringing the wire over it beforehand. Then you can tug the wire and make the crystal rise, or have the guy with the mag lite do it.
* Diffused patches of light not reflected off surfaces which traveled around the room at various heights.
Well, gee, I wonder how they saw the lights then, because the human eye is a reflective surface! But seriously, this comment doesn't help. Just have the guys shine the lights all over the place.
* Light sources which took the form of ‘materialized’ shapes (‘robed’ figures with brighter patches of light where faces would be) which then floated around the room, touching the investigators on request.
At this point your assistants come out with sheets over their heads, going "Woo woo!" with mag lites in their mouthes.
* Lights which illuminated an upturned Pyrex bowl from within, providing sufficient sustained light for ‘spirit hands’ to be seen by the investigators.
Okay, the room wasn't already bright enough to see somebody's hands? In good electric lighting where it was bright enough to see the whole room??? I think someone's leaving out important details. Go for the blackout method. Remember, the investigators just saw light that was sufficeint for the "spirit hands," they didn't actually see the "spirit hands!"
* A light which entered and fully illuminated a crystal in the confines of a Pyrex bowl. The investigators were invited to touch the illuminated crystal before being asked to take their hands away briefly and then ‘feel’ the crystal again. Although still steadily illuminated and apparently unchanged in shape, the latter on this second investigation offered no resistance to the fingers (i.e. appeared to have become totally insubstantial). On a third investigation the illuminated crystal was felt once more to be substantial.
Swing the crystal into the bowl (it's easy if you've centered your table under the hook). Or if it's dark (as the last detail suggested that it was), let the guy with the mag lite do it.
* A light which faintly illuminated the inactivated electric light bulb in the center of the room, producing a general glow unconnected with the filament.
Press the flashlight against the bulb. There, you've got a general glow unconnected with the filament! No need to spring for a Tesla coil or Van De Graff generator under the table, although that would have been a whole lot cooler.
* A small light which entered a glass of water held by Professor Fontana and agitated the water, the proximity of the glass to his lips preventing any obvious intrusion of wires or rods.
Put the glass to your lips and blow in it, while someone shines a light.
* A small light which entered and illuminated a table tennis ball which was then projected by unknown forces across the room.
Shine light on the tennis ball, have the guy under the table tip the surface slightly so the ball rolls. Kick him or something, just to get him going.
* Lights which illuminated the investigators’ feet below the table in areas inaccessible to the Scole Group due to the solid foundation upon which the table rested.
Table guy has a flashlight, too.
* A light which illuminated simultaneously six separate 5-cm solid Perspex supports beneath a glass dome on the table, and which also entered the dome itself.
Yeah, set this one up beforehand and let Sir Isaac Newton do the rest.
* A small light which settled on the open palm of a co-investigator (Professor Grattan-Guiness), who then closed his hand to eliminate the possibility of any mechanical attachment to the light.
Shine light on the palm of someone's hand, tell him to close it, and the assistant turns the light off as he does. No mechanical attachment there!
* A light which built up into a rock-like shape on the table, before levitating, passing in front of one of the investigators (David Fontana) and halting in front of a co-investigator (Ingrid Slack), allowing her to feel its muslin-like texture.
Put one of the crystals under the cloth. Shine light onto it, swing it with the wire.
* Diffused patches of light which traveled slowly across the room, appearing to take on the rudimentary shape of human faces with apparent ‘lips’ that moved in synchronicity with strangled attempts at speech.
The guys with the flashlights, if caught, can shine light on their faces and make strangled mewling noises.
The Table At relatively frequent intervals the table around which the sittings were held commenced a very rapid vibration which could both be heard and felt by the investigators. On occasions, in spite of its solid base, the table then began to swivel round (as evidenced by the movement of luminous tabs placed on the surface at the cardinal points), passing through some 20 degrees before returning to its original position.
Have table guy lift the thing and spin it very slowly. Kick him if he goes too fast.
Touches The investigators experienced frequent touches by allegedly spirit hands during the sittings. These touches took the following form.
Oh boy...
* A masculine hand associated with a ‘direct voice’ phenomena which, at his request, found with immediate accuracy Professor Fontana’s hand, grasped and shook it.
Your assistant shakes this guy's hand really tight and says "Woooo!"
* Small, child-like, feminine hands which gently touched and stroked the hands of the investigators.
This time he's much more relaxed, or he brought his kid along. How can you tell if a hand is masculine or feminine just by feeling it?
* Perfectly formed hands apparently ending at the wrist, visible in dark outline by the illumination of attendant ‘spirit lights’.
VISIBLE IN DARK OUTLINE OF ILLUMINATION?? Okay, they definitely didn't keep those lights on like they promised, or those electric lights were VERY dim. Wait, they didn't feel any of this, why is this here?? None of this involves touch! Anyway, make shadow puppets!
* Touches on the legs of the investigators at points inaccessible to the Scole Group without detection.
Kick table guy if he ties all their shoelaces together while doing this.
* Hands which placed objects in the palms of investigators at request and with unerring accuracy (explicable by normal means only if the Scole Group are credited with infra-red viewers or image intensifiers).
Because people who hand you stuff cannot be explained by normal means!
* Hands which grasped those of the investigators’ and raised their arms to full extension above their heads.
Again, the guys with the flashlights messing around.
* Hands which gave playful slaps on the wrist to Montague Keen.
More of the same, moving quickly so their hands are not caught.
Voices The allegedly paranormal voices took several different forms, in particular as follows.
This had better be good.
