Scientology has a new competitor

"Scientology is rooted in strict scientific principles, such as the measurement of engrams in the brain by the E-Meter," Kurz said. "Scientology uses strictly scientific methodologies to undo the damage done 75 million years ago by the Galactic Confederation's evil warlord Xenu—we offer our preclear followers procedures to erase overts in the reactive mind. Conversely, Fictionology is essentially just a bunch of make-believe nonsense."
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ahhh elegant. Those Onion writers are so awesome.
 
I have been shopping around for an irrational belief system for some time, and I think that I have finally found the religion for me! Infinite depth and flexibility, unconstrained by moribund traditionalism, and with the ability for any person to contribute to its pantheon, simply by imagining a character of their own device. A religion that combines the effective governing style of Havelock Vetinari with the heady wisdom of Papa Smurf. We have arrived at the dawning of a bold new age, which has just started right now because I said so.

Praise Gumby!
 
Mario and Luigi be praised! I will follow the way of the green mushroom.
 
Nay! One must stand in awe, AWE! of the Playboy Bunny. The Playboy Bunny will lead you to happiness, with a nice snooze afterwards. Along with His counterparts, Sir Alec Guiness and Captain Morgan, He will show you to the truth and the light.

The Playboy Bunny leadeth me, and I shall not want.
He maketh me to lay down next to gentle honeypots.
Though I walk through the shadow of the Valleys of Silicon,
I shall have no fear, for my Rod and my Staff shall be comforted.
And the Playboy Bunny shall be my Lord, forever.
 
Yes, Brother DarkMagician! These other will sell you a sack of lies. They will instruct you to deny yourself those very things you were made for! For their god gets off on misery and suffering. Repent! Repent, and find the truth and the light in the Playboy Bunny. For the Playboy Bunny is all-wise. He knows what you want! And it is ok to want it! For He has provided for us, in his infinite compassion. Turn away from these false gods!

*pours a sacrament from a bottle of Captain Morgan Private Stock*

Come, drink of Saint Morgan, and be purified! For St. Morgan is the lifeblood, and St Guiness is the body. And the Playboy Bunny bless you.

May the Playboy Bunny bless you all!
 
So does this mean I can finally start worshipping those gods from 5th edition D&D like Jack T. Chick intended?
 
Ahh, Hawk One. You are missing the distinction. Playboy Bunnies are the females. The Playboy Bunny is male. Fictionology is the worship of ICONS. Therefore, The Icon of the Playboy Bunny, as his whole name stands, is worthy of worship due to the female Bunnies that have graced His sacred Works. The Bunnies are a great goodness in and of themselves, but would not be published with His influence. So to Him my prayers go. In all actuality, The Playboy Bunny is beyond sexual considerations, in totality. So refering to The Playboy Bunny as a 'her' is acceptable. After all, was not Playgirl an offshoot? The Playboy Bunny wants us ALL to be happy. So refer to Him/Her as you wish.
*pours a sacrement into a double shot for Hawk One*

Here, take in the spirit of St Morgan, and go and sin no more, my son. The Playboy Bunny watch you and keep you.
 
clarsct said:
Here, take in the spirit of St Morgan, and go and sin no more, my son. The Playboy Bunny watch you and keep you.
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Hmph. I better get paid triple over time for this....
 
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