Loki said:
Roadtoad,
I'm not sure if I really understand you - is your crisis "why do I need redemption?", or "why is god apparently so sadistic?"
Christianity offers forgiveness in the next world for behaviour in this. Atheism (well, secular humanism) asks you to make amends in this world for behaviour in this. One system I can see and judge for myself here and now, the other I need to take on faith. One system attemtps to produce results here and now, the other doesn't really care.
Perhaps more importantly, does any compassionate person truly believe that if I (a) make a serious mistake in this life, and (b) make amends in this life that (c) I then deserve to be punished in the next? To me, atheism demands more of you now, can produce more results now, and isn't incompatible with a fair and just god!
I knew there was a reason I liked you, Loki. (And I just thought it was your sig!)
Your view of Atheism is compassionate, and kind. This was what I assumed Christianity was supposed to be, that we were to go beyond the law itself, and to the heart of what God's Laws were intended to create. In other words, you were to reach out to other in compassion, (remember, Scripture is clear that an Israelite was to treat the Sojourner in the land with respect and kindness), because you're not going to be here forever. Or, as said elsewhere, you get one life, and then the Judgement.
I was not a compassionate person prior to accepting Christianity. I could give my excuses for that, but they would be just that: excuses. Most of them would be worthless. From what I recall reading, I am to forgive in this world, because what I bind on Earth is bound in Heaven. Considering all the filth I've dumped on others in my life, I would just as soon leave that behind, thank you, and not just in the next life, but in this one as well. I would just as soon, should I ever get the chance to do so, be able to buy a round for those I knew in the past, and be able to look back on the errors of the past and go beyond them, rather than have that weigh anyone down in any way, shape or form.
I'm speaking from some experience here, in part because of a scoutmaster who got his kicks groping kids. (Who, by the way, was supposedly straight. Yeah, sure. Let's keep out gays from the Boy Scouts. That'll fix things! Dumbasses....) Hard as hell to let go of that in this life, much less for the next.
But I've had to. In part, because my parents at the time chose to ignore me, ("How could you say that about a colleague and friend of you father's!"), and now, no one knows where the SOB is anymore. In another part, because I had a son who was molested, and he needed me to be 100% for him. I had to put this on the back burner, and had to move on so I could be an asset to my son, rather than a liability. I also had help in this: my wife went through this, too, as a child.
This is not an easy subject. But this should be covered. And no, I don't have an easy answer for any of it.
On another note, this thread has gotten to the point where I practically need another day or two from when someone's posted before I answer. There's a lot to chew on here. Hope you don't mind. As I keep saying, I'm here to learn, not so much to chatter.