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Parents are Delusional?

Very few hobbies make sense on a cost basis. Travel? Partying? Auto racing? Skiing? Mountaineering?

Why expect child raising to be any different?
 
I raised my two sons by myself. I was young, and my only regret is that I can't do it over knowing what I know now. I think I would have been much more 'in the moment'.

Julia
 
gumboot said:
This is a weak argument on two points. Firstly, there's a leap of logic here. Assuming the referenced research is true, just because a parent finds spending time with a child less rewarding than they anticipated doesn't mean it's not actually rewarding, or that it's less rewarding than other activities.
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Basically, a gourmand who frequents Michelin star restaurants is going to be disappointed with his food more often than a teenager who frequents McDonald's. That doesn't imply that the food at the high-end restaurants isn't better than the food at McDonald's.
 
Vic Vega said:
LMAO!


You have absolutely no clue! Being a teacher is nothing like having your own, I can guarantee you that.
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Oh, but of course. I do have one on the way though. I do love kids, so I can make an opinionated judgement call I am sure.
 
I think the article just paints with too broad a brush. Kids aren't for everyone.
 
pgwenthold said:
I had a long response written but it crashed, so let me sum up:

By most accounts, changing the smelliest, foulest dirty diaper and the accompanying mess would not be considered a pleasant activity. Man, that thing was stinky. And I wouldn't say doing it was unpleasant, but it certainly did not affect my happiness. In fact, it made me laugh at how stinky it was, and I still chuckle just thinking about it today.

The question is not whether kids have effects that would not be associated with happiness (lack of sleep, lack of sex life, lack of money, lack of personal time, etc), but whether people are actually happy or not.

I guess you look at the trade-offs. On the negative side, I have those things listed above, which make life hard. On the positive side...I have my kids,
which make my life great.

It's no comparison. Not even close.
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Bravo.
 
WildCat said:
Don't get me wrong, I like kids.

But you have to cook 'em juuuuust right.
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My favorite is the baby grill. I hear that Sears used to carry them... ;)

I am glad to see this article did spark some discussion. I am a rather new parent of "just one" but I would not change my experiences for anything. I found it interesting that someone would post this on Yahoo as though in an attempt to warn those who would have children. But as was said, clearly there is an appeal to having children as there are so many of us.
 
Meadmaker said:
Parents often do idealize their experience as parents, often ignoring the reality of their real situation. However, that doesn't mean, in any way, that you "shouldn't have kids", or any other of the author's statements at the end of the article. The author's conclusions are not supported by the evidence presented.
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The article also seems to make some pretty false assumptions about what people value. It's as if something being good or worthwhile should be measured by A) how easy it is and B) how cheap it is.

I find that quite insulting, to be honest. I don't know about anyone else, but I enjoying things that are hard. I particularly enjoy doing things that are insanely hard. I do a lot of tramping (hiking) and the memorable hikes I most remember are the really hard ones, the ones that pushed me to breaking point. The challenge and the pain and suffering is why I do it. I find easy hikes boring and pointless.

As for money... beyond the sheer joy of hiking, I get zero financial return for the literally thousands of dollars I have poured into my hiking kit.

This article seems to have a very shallow and materialistic approach to life. I suppose if you're shallow and materialistic and lazy, yeah, you probably shouldn't have kids. Maybe the problem isn't that parents are delusional, but that most people aren't shallow, materialistic lazy whores. I find the thought comforting.
 
gumboot said:
The article also seems to make some pretty false assumptions about what people value. It's as if something being good or worthwhile should be measured by A) how easy it is and B) how cheap it is.

I find that quite insulting, to be honest. I don't know about anyone else, but I enjoying things that are hard. I particularly enjoy doing things that are insanely hard. I do a lot of tramping (hiking) and the memorable hikes I most remember are the really hard ones, the ones that pushed me to breaking point. The challenge and the pain and suffering is why I do it. I find easy hikes boring and pointless.

As for money... beyond the sheer joy of hiking, I get zero financial return for the literally thousands of dollars I have poured into my hiking kit.

This article seems to have a very shallow and materialistic approach to life. I suppose if you're shallow and materialistic and lazy, yeah, you probably shouldn't have kids. Maybe the problem isn't that parents are delusional, but that most people aren't shallow, materialistic lazy whores. I find the thought comforting.
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I love me a good hike as well. I also like doing some SERIOUS mountain biking. The kind where, when you come home, you are no longer recognizable as a human, you are so cruddy. And your legs feel like they gonna fall off.
 
gumboot said:
Maybe the problem isn't that parents are delusional, but that most people aren't shallow, materialistic lazy whores. I find the thought comforting.
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With the caveat that people who choose, for whatever reason, not to have children aren't necessarily shallow, materialistic lazy whores. Indeed, someone might choose to have a child for a shallow, materialistic reason, i.e. because it's the latest accessory and so they can dress it up in Versace's Infant Collection.

Just saying.... :rolleyes:
 
gumboot said:
Four kids in my family. Of all my friends, we have the largest family. My parents are also one of the very few couples amongst all my friends that are still together.

I wonder if the problem is the opposite of what they're claiming. Seems to me that over the last few years the perceived value of children has taken a massive hit, particularly since the rise of the feminist movement. Many, if not most parents I know put their careers before their kids. Of course if you actually suggested that to them they'd be horrified, but watch them. Their kids spend more time being looked after by professional caregivers than by their own parents.

Kind of like those people who get a dog because they figure they'll get more exercise while walking the pet, then end up paying a stranger to walk their dog because they're "too busy", and then complain because they're still fat and their pet doesn't like them.
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Well put. We also have 4 kids and are regularly described as 'the most happily married couple I know'. Oh and the kids have always been looked after by one or other of us - at least until very recently, when the Mother-in-Law moved in and I'd be lieing big time if I didn't say we'd taken advantage of the help there....though bear in mind my eldest was 14 by then.
 
pgwenthold said:
I had a long response written but it crashed, so let me sum up:

By most accounts, changing the smelliest, foulest dirty diaper and the accompanying mess would not be considered a pleasant activity. Man, that thing was stinky. And I wouldn't say doing it was unpleasant, but it certainly did not affect my happiness. In fact, it made me laugh at how stinky it was, and I still chuckle just thinking about it today.

The question is not whether kids have effects that would not be associated with happiness (lack of sleep, lack of sex life, lack of money, lack of personal time, etc), but whether people are actually happy or not.

I guess you look at the trade-offs. On the negative side, I have those things listed above, which make life hard. On the positive side...I have my kids, which make my life great.

It's no comparison. Not even close.
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[Smug Mode]And some of us have managed it without the lack of sleep or sex life!;)[/Smug Mode]

Ok, not absolutely true, but our first 3 kids all slept through the night, every night* after just 6 weeks and it wasn't until we had the boy that we had occasional sleepless nights and even then nothing like other parents report.

*Apart from the occasional illness and we're really only talking a couple of nights a year...no more than when my wife has overdone the real ale;).

To answer the original point though, yes parents are delusional. Personally I think my wife and I have avoided the usual delusion that their kids are never at fault (we know how well kids can lie with an angelic look of innocence on their face!) but I'm sure we suffer from many others.
 
Ethan Thane Athen said:
To answer the original point though, yes parents are delusional.
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I'm not delusional. It is objectively true that my kids are the cutest kids on the planet. This isn't even worth arguing about, it is so obvious. Overall, they are tied for the cutest, but the both are at the top of their age group.

Everyone else's kids are tied for third.
 
pgwenthold said:
I'm not delusional. It is objectively true that my kids are the cutest kids on the planet. This isn't even worth arguing about, it is so obvious. Overall, they are tied for the cutest, but the both are at the top of their age group.

Everyone else's kids are tied for third.
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You didn't mention your kids' ages. But you have to know that the #1 spot for 2 year-olds is already taken by my grandson.Cute when he walks, runs, sleeps, dances, talks, plays or anything he does. Cutest, most intelligent and best behaved* kid on earth.

*O.K.,scratch best behaved.
 
yomero said:
You didn't mention your kids' ages. But you have to know that the #1 spot for 2 year-olds is already taken by my grandson.Cute when he walks, runs, sleeps, dances, talks, plays or anything he does. Cutest, most intelligent and best behaved* kid on earth.
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Sorry, grandson's NEVER win the title of "cutest" anything.

Grandparents are biased, unlike parents.
 
yomero said:
You didn't mention your kids' ages. But you have to know that the #1 spot for 2 year-olds is already taken by my grandson.Cute when he walks, runs, sleeps, dances, talks, plays or anything he does. Cutest, most intelligent and best behaved* kid on earth.

*O.K.,scratch best behaved.
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seven year-olds are fun to beat up, and throw into bushes. :D
 
yomero said:
I think there's a typo in your post. It's twenty seven year-olds that should be thrown into the bushes.:duck:
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lol, you looked at my profile?

I don't think you would want to mess with THIS twenty seven year-olds in that fashion. :)
 
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