I would like to add that although I have never been "officially" diagnosed with being manic-depressant I fully believe that I have a mild form of it. We have a family history of mental illness on both sides really so the genetic factor is defiantly there.
Ill try to describe it the best I can and also tell you why I choose to not get help or medicate as well as others in similar situations and also why I believe I have it in the first place.
Basically I would describe myself as such because as a kid I was one of the "ADHD generations" where doctors would just throw Adderall and Riddellen at kids. Although ADHD is SEVERELY over diagnosed I can say that my behavior as a kid was defiantly different than most of my classmates and peers. I was very disruptive in classes and was kicked out of multiple schools as a child for behavior problems. Mainly it was my resistance to authority figures that was the problem. Now although lots of people hate authority especially kids, I took it steps further than my classmates and their was a clear difference between my actions and the other kids in the classes especially when it resulted in dangerous actions. I think most of this was due to being misdiagnosed as ADHD when in reality the times when I was disruptive was due to being in an "manic" state.
Now that I'm a young adult in my 20's I can look back and also analyze my moods much better than as a child. I think that the main problem was that yes I was hyper and very disruptive towards teachers in general but the reality is that it was only during certain times. Looking back I think it was because I was literally in a manic state during the times when I felt the need to just rebel and their was NO ONE who could hold me down. Once again this wasn't all the time as the rest of the time I was somewhat introverted and not particularly social although I did maintain friendships.
I think I have a mild case or hypomania as I never thought about suicide or anything like that although I can remember times when the mood swings would cripple my ability to function well, but I was never in danger of harming people or myself. Particularly the depressive episodes in which I would literally stay in bed for days at a time and not want to even go eat. I would describe it as a COMPLETE loss of interest in ANYTHING at all. It wouldn't matter if I was a billionaire and could do anything or go anywhere in the world, during those periods it all seemed literally pointless and in no way could I imagine getting enjoyment from ANYTHING period. Its a kind of emptiness you have to experience really as words could never do it justice. My depressive episodes I would describe more as loss of interest that particularly "sad", More like a level of boredom that can't be described.
Now to contrast that at times I really feel like a maniac. The definition of "manic" is exactly how it feels in that state. "Characteristics of mania include rapid speech, racing thoughts, decreased need for sleep, hypersexuality, euphoria, impulsiveness, grandiosity, and an uncontrollably intense interest in goal-directed activities."
For me I think it tends on the hypomania side as I'm in no way psychotic with hallucinations or visions but the main characteristic that I feel when I'm like that is the "uncontrollably intense interest in goal-directed activities." and to a lesser extent the other symptoms, but another one that sticks out is the feeling of "grandiosity". When I'm in a manic mood it feels like literally anything is possible. To be perfectly honest the experience is like a drug. I thoroughly enjoy the times of mania and hyper activity. I honestly feel like I could solve the worlds problems if I had the time and resources to do such.
I will tell you this though, all the times when I feel depressed or bored out of my mind are worth it for the times when I'm manic. I'm an Engineer and although its very hard to juggle the swings in mood and interest I can say in a manic state I LOVE designing things and making mechanical devices. It allows me to visualize things is such a clear state that I can get months of work done in a week. I believe that it also does increase my creativity. I literally can spend hours upon hours and days thinking about a design or an idea working all the small details out in my head and here is the part of the "grandiosity" that you experience in a manic state. It stems from a feeling of being able to creating new things and solving problems. Now when I describe "hours thinking" its different than how most would interpret it. I will describe it as an uncontrollable obsession of intense focus where nothing will stop me from figuring out the problem or idea.
To get on topic I think there is links between the two. Obviously I would not take it as far as being a "genius" but I feel like there is a benefit for me personally as the manic states allow me to function on a high level and therefore I choose to not try to balance that out with medication. The most difficult part is trying to balance the states in a social and professional setting. It does have its negatives because some days working is incredibly difficult for me as I have ZERO interest in what I'm working on and then others I can complete 2 projects, make it better, more efficient and then cook a 4 course at dinner.
I think that the "creativity" part is the results of manic states when the person feels an intense attraction to completing a goal or idea. Its beyond an obsession its more like literally the world is your playground and the possibilities are to incredible to describe. The obsession goes to an life and death state almost when YOU MUST COMPLETE THIS at all costs. Everything is secondary to the idea or goal, eating, sleeping, social interactions etc. it all melts away. For me I choose to live with it because like I stated although its hard sometimes I have more or less taught myself to deal with it and can act appropriately in any situation even though internally I might be depressed or in a manic state.
Anyway that's my manic rant.
I'm not crazy trust me.
