Machine that cures pain

[Tyltyl]

Well, it's a graph, innit. So it must be scientific!

Like this one, more or less...

...or maybe this one makes more sense...

 

[Darat]

Like this one, more or less...



...or maybe this one makes more sense...

Bloody hell that's worrying - if that trend continues then pirates will be extinct in just a few years time!

 

[luchog]

Bloody hell that's worrying - if that trend continues then pirates will be extinct in just a few years time!

The data's bogus. According to major organizations like the BSA and RIAA, the number of pirates is on the increase. So it's clear that global warming has no effect on the pirate population. They're just less colourful.

 

[lister]

OK, let's have a bit more of a look around the website and see what else it says.
<snip>

Brilliant! First post today to make me laugh out loud

All the more funny in that I've just been playing WooWoo bingo on another (99% female) forum. My hits?

Cures cancer
Cures AIDS
"ancient chinese"

Somebody should make a definitive list.

 

[Mojo]

Like this one, more or less...

...or maybe this one makes more sense...

Although, as I've mentioned before, the FSMists may not have this the right way round. Correlation is not causation.

It may simply be that the lower temperatures in the early 19th century caused more peoples' timbers to shiver.

 

[delphi_ote]

Like this one, more or less...

...or maybe this one makes more sense...

Actually, that graph is much better. A line is appropriate, because the data is temporal. The graph of different patients seems imply one patient somehow became the next as the study was conducted.

The 3D plot for 2D data? Definitely unprofessional. Only the editor of USA Today would think that looked good.

 

[Jyera]

Some questions:

1. Who made the claim that it "cure pain" ?
Did the distributor of the product claims it cured pain or did the journalist made a mistake?

2. From a language point of view, Is it right to say "cure pain" ?
I thought you can reduce pain, relief pain, totally remove pain.
But I find it unaccept to the use of "cure pain" ?

Any one feels the same?

Is it considered proper english?

 

[delphi_ote]

Is it considered proper english?

It is proper in a grammatical sense (well, "cures pain" is correct,) but so is "reads kittens." Strictly speaking, it is also proper in a literal sense. The definitions of "cure" include "to remove or remedy."

To an American ear like mine, "cures pain" sounds a little weird. By saying "cures," they seem to be implying that their machine does not just numb the pain, but actually shuts down the nervous system somehow (hence El Greco's joke. Oddly, I was going to post exactly the same thing before I saw he beat me to it...)

 

[Zep]

It's crap grammar for a crap product. The website is second-rate too, and all the content reeks of a fly-by-night scam. SE Queensland is rife with such schemes, most of which involve trying to scam off the local "alternative", "natural" new-money yuppie culture that exists there these days (sorry, Athon, but SEQ and the white-shoe brigade are synonymous with this sort of thing!).

I like the FSM graph instead - it's so obviously suited to the product, and it has numbers and everything so it MUST be true!

 

[emperorchaos]

I like the FSM graph instead - it's so obviously suited to the product, and it has numbers and everything so it MUST be true!

It is true. I am the Captain of the last pirate ship. Me and my crew have been sailin' for many of month looking for plunder. I've got a laptop and stuff like that.

OK, let's have a bit more of a look around the website and see what else it says.

That entire post was brilliant! Thanks for the laugh!

 

[Mojo]

Some questions:

1. Who made the claim that it "cure pain" ?
Did the distributor of the product claims it cured pain or did the journalist made a mistake?

It's not so much a question of the journalist making a mistake, more to do with the sort of language journalists use. The website says it alleviates pain. But hey, that has four syllables!

Basically, in "journalese" you're generally going to see the word "cure" rather than a more appropriate expression. Whoever heard of a headline saying that researchers have developed a treatment which they hope may have the potential to increase 5 year survival rates for a particular type of tumour from 50% to 70%? It'll be "NEW CURE FOR CANCER" every time.

 

[Zep]

It is true. I am the Captain of the last pirate ship. Me and my crew have been sailin' for many of month looking for plunder. I've got a laptop and stuff like that.

Plunder, eh?

Got any good stuff so far you wanna trade?

Also, you forgot "Arrh! Jim-lad!" Makes the graph more authentic than ever.