You'll have to fill out three copies of Form 22/G-35.s, Request for Delivery Form for Request for Application for Interview for Employment. Eat the first copy, lose the second in the mail, and send the third via ailing carrier pigeon across the Atlantic. This should speed the process along.
If we happen to receive your Request, you'll get stuck in a bureaucratic nightmare forever. By the time we hire you, your great-grandchildren will be in college and you'll have been dead for some time (not that this will have much impact on your value to our organization).
If you successfully lose the paperwork, we will invoke a loophole in our Employment Code (clause HZ.5t7-r1) that states:
"In the event of Non-Receival of Form 22/G-35.s, Aspirant shall be offered Employment, Agent Class I, one minute after the three hundred thirty-sixth hour following Delivery of Form 22/G-35.s."
So do your business in a toilet connected to a private septic system rather than public sewage, invent an undeliverable address and use a bogus return address, and choose your pigeon carefully.
