John Scalzi's take on the Republican candidates

[catsmate]

Amusing and biting.

Highlights:

I rank Santorum slightly higher than Huckabee in my preferences, but that’s like ranking “puke on your shoe” slightly higher than “bloody puke on your shoe.” It’s still puke on your shoe.

...it also hasn’t escaped my notice that at every step of the way, the thing that most people apparently have to say about Cruz is “wow, what an *******.” I can’t help but think that’s kind of a telling fact. Even his fellow GOP senators think he’s a real prick and don’t want anything to do with him.

...the idea of Carson’s brain grinding horribly into neutral in the middle of a legitimate crisis fills me with an unholy terror.

But my thought is that when someone promises to run the country like they ran a company whose stock value declined by more than half and also ditched 30,000 workers while they were in charge, I should take them at their word, and run the other way.

Every time I think of Rand Paul, I imagine that on his bedside table is a copy of Atlas Shrugged, the pages of which are stiff and stuck together and smell vaguely of corn chips. Then I shudder for five whole minutes and try to think of something else.

I feel kind of sorry for Jeb Bush, because for years we’ve been told that he was the “smart” one, and his campaign has just been so flabby and disappointing and tired, and as for Jeb, if this is what passes for smart in the Bush family then we’re all just going to have to admit that our standards for smart when it comes to politicians, or at least Bushes, are too damn low

And a question for the audience:
"Leaving aside that everything that comes out of his mouth is at best meretricious claptrap that would shame even Newt Gingrich". Without looking, which candidate is being so described?

Ted Cruz

 

[turingtest]

I liked this line (from this article at Vox):

And I realized that factchecking Donald Trump is a category error. It's like polishing a duck.

 

[TragicMonkey]

It's probably a bad sign when you can look at the roster of candidates and think that any one of the players of the Game of Thrones would make a better leader.

 

[Bikewer]

I would totally go for the dwarf. The secret service guys could keep up with him, and if danger threatened, they could just pick him up and run......

 

[ZirconBlue]

It's probably a bad sign when you can look at the roster of candidates and think that any one of the players of the Game of Thrones would make a better leader.

Hodor for President!

 

[The Big Dog]

Amusing and biting.

Oh man, how devilishly "saucy"! Kitty has got claws....

Has he done the democrats yet? that will be a hoot and a half!

 

[plague311]

Oh man, how devilishly "saucy"! Kitty has got claws....

Has he done the democrats yet? that will be a hoot and a half!

I believe there are a myriad of right wingers that have done the Dems. I'm not sure if they're as beautifully crafted, but it's definitely been done.

 

[catsmate]

It's probably a bad sign when you can look at the roster of candidates and think that any one of the players of the Game of Thrones would make a better leader.

Certainly on the competency front.

 

[Cl1mh4224rd]

Jeb's campaign kind of seems like he's not really trying. At first I thought maybe he was relying on family name recognition, but at this point, that doesn't seem like the case. Now I wonder if he's running simply out of some sense of "family tradition".

 

[The_Animus]

Jeb seems like he is trying to be the calm, semi-sane leader in comparison to the enraged crazy that all the other candidates are going for. Doesn't seem to work with the base during the primary but if he can hold out long enough it might change later in the game.

 

[Jrrarglblarg]

Jeb is trying to stay the only grownup in the ball pit. I wish him all the best in this.

 

[Trebuchet]

Oh, he's not the only one. The others mostly aren't doing well either. Rubio, Graham*, Fiorina, Pataki and Christie all qualify as reasonably sane. Rubio is actually pretty well positioned because he doesn't come across as a total wackaloon but still has some Tea-Party cred.

*Graham comes across sane other than his war obsession.

 

[Grizzly Bear]

I believe there are a myriad of right wingers that have done the Dems. I'm not sure if they're as beautifully crafted, but it's definitely been done.

Well, Bill Maher probably fits the bill best for what 16.5's looking for as he's taken nasty jabs at both parties, but when dealing with partisan pundits and the like as brought up in the OP I give points for crafty humor in the process of ripping the candidates a new one, but have no realistic expectation of them ripping their own party of preference anyway. Tis' politics... balance is a difficult thing

 

[TragicMonkey]

Jeb is trying to stay the only grownup in the ball pit. I wish him all the best in this.

He's actually the craziest of all of them. Read that article on what he did as governor during the Terry Schiavo case, and the stuff he tried to do in defiance of the Constitution. Trump may blather and talk big, but Jeb's the one most likely to try to pull a Palpatine.

 

[fuelair]

He's actually the craziest of all of them. Read that article on what he did as governor during the Terry Schiavo case, and the stuff he tried to do in defiance of the Constitution. Trump may blather and talk big, but Jeb's the one most likely to try to pull a Palpatine.

Isn't that "his" rather than "a" and is that what they are calling self abuse nowadays?????

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

Isn't that "his" rather than "a" and is that what they are calling self abuse nowadays?????

Confus ed? Who he? :bogg led:

 

[Horatius]

Hodor for President!

Well, I approve of his policy on hodor hodor, but when he starts in on hodor hodor hodor, you have to wonder where he gets these ridiculous notions.

 

[CORed]

Jeb is trying to stay the only grownup in the ball pit. I wish him all the best in this.

It will be interesting to see what happens when people start voting in primaries, but if poll results are any indication, it seems that the last thing the Republican base wants is anybody who remotely resembles a grownup. They seem to be totally committed to going full retard this time.

ETA: I'm still wondering if they'll pick Sarah Palin for VP again.

 

[CORed]

He's actually the craziest of all of them. Read that article on what he did as governor during the Terry Schiavo case, and the stuff he tried to do in defiance of the Constitution. Trump may blather and talk big, but Jeb's the one most likely to try to pull a Palpatine.

I haven't read the article, but I remember his antics in the Shiavo case pretty well. It's probably enough to keep me from voting for him, in the unlikely event that he gets the nomination, even if it comes out that Hillary has been molesting young boys for the last 40 years.

 

[Brainster]

I actually found Red Shirts mildly amusing. I also found him winning the Hugo for that book very, very amusing. Sort of dismayed to find out that he's a predictable moron.