Jesus was a Conservative -- Herman Cain

[JoeTheJuggler]

No no NO, Joe! You're just not getting it. It's only communist if the government makes people share their wealth. Private gods striking people dead if they don't share their wealth is simple separation of church and state. Killing people for not donating to charity or a wealth sharing plan is just plain old capitalism in action.

Some people are so slow!

I guess for that view to work, you sort of have to ignore the fact that modern Christianity in the U.S. descended from the bottleneck of the Holy Roman Empire, when the church was the temporal authority as well. (In fact, there are very few remaining Christian sects anywhere in the world that did not descend from this bottleneck.)

One way or another, you'd have to trust that they somehow managed to hand down the true divine revelation to you even though they themselves had it wrong.

[ETA: FWIW, the apologists say that Ananias and Sapphira were killed for lying and not for holding back their personal property. Since these are doubtless the same people who say that the Civil War was fought over states' rights and NOT over slavery, I guess there's some degree of consistency. . . .]

 

[uk_dave]

".... He healed the sick without a government health care system.

But surely they should have healed themselves, *********** wasters.

 

[Hokulele]

Jesus was a conservative! Where else could Cain have gotten the basics of his economic plan?

And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

Well, 666 is similar to 999...

 

[cambion]

Can we declare Argumentum ad Jesus as its own official fallacy?

I actually recently heard someone seriously compare Occupy Wall Street to Jesus -- clearly PROOF that they must be great (I'm not dumping on OWS, just this guy's justification).

 

[Schrodinger's Cat]

Can we declare Argumentum ad Jesus as its own official fallacy?

I am strongly in favor of this.

 

[leftysergeant]

Cain wants to give tax cuts to urusers because we need them to ply their craft ad libendum.

Rotten excuse for a Christian.

 

[Beerina]

Is Cain suggesting that it will take direct divine intervention to make his ideas work?

Ya, it's easy to hand out free food and healing if you can just wave your hands.

 

[Ladewig]

Wait. Cain calls himself a Christian and uses the past tense to refer to Jesus?! Jesus is alive today, therefore Jesus is a conservative.



I kid, I kid.

 

[Bill Thompson]

...if Conservatives are nuts.

 

[Minoosh]

In every picture I've ever seen of him, he looks like a hippie.

In real life he probably looked like a terrorist.

Is Godfather's pizza any good?

 

[thaiboxerken]

Soon they'll claim that Reagan never raised taxes or was against "cap and trade."

 

[bikerdruid]

In every picture I've ever seen of him, [jesus] looks like a hippie.

In real life he probably looked like a terrorist.

in this age of racial profiling, jesus would never make it on an airplane.

 

[FreshHat]

So...do you think Jesus was a Yankees fan or a Red Sox fan? The Yankees did not exist. The Red Sox did not exist. But, most importantly, baseball did not even exist so the categories do not even make sense.

Jesus is currently employed by the BoSox after a dozen years playing MLB.

 

[Corsair 115]

Is Godfather's pizza any good?

Does it taste like Marlon Brando?

 

[Tricky]

Does it taste like Marlon Brando?

There's usually plenty of ham.

 

[Piggy]

Jesus was a radical and a populist.

He opposed the abuse of power by both the Temple and the government of Galilee against peasant farmers.

Then again, he was anti-tax.