Okay, most of the arguments I had against Christianity have been reconciled by Christians. I've been reading the bible and I'm almost finished Deuteronomy.
There is much more to go, I'd hold off on any decision until you finish the book.
So, now that Christians have patched up the holes in their beliefs, I'm getting really frustrated and depressed because I'm starting to wonder if Christianity isn't true...
If it's true for you, good. If not, also good. You can't lose.
I've gotten on my knees and seriously begged God for understanding... Begged him to give me the spiritual fortitude to want to change... To want to follow his laws...
More practical to learn them, then try to apply them, then ask for help. Given your reading statement, you don't even know what the rules are.
Read the whole book, then reconsider.
I'm seriously trying to give God the benifit of a doubt.
That doubtless pleases Him no end.
I don't want to be a Christian, but I don't want to go to hell either.
If you don't want to be Christian, nobody can make you be one. As for Hell, that's being apart from God. If you don't care for God, I am not sure there's an issue here.
Whenever I try to think of a way that their arguments don't work, I get this feeling that I'm just making excuses not to believe...
Is that any better than making excuses to believe, without having read the entire menu?
I've been trying my damnedest to seek God and the truth, whatever that might be, but it just feels like I loose no matter what I do.
That makes you human. See above. Read the whole book, then ask a Christian
whom you trust for a next step. Discussing this with agnostics, atheists, and the indifferent will hardly answer the mail, though it may lead you to another path altogether.
I note you have stumbled across Pascal's wager. Look it up. Hell, read Pascal's writings.
If I don't believe and it's true, then I go to hell. Really? IF I DO believe and it's not true, then I waste the only life I have for pleasure by deleting my hentai collection and and giving up my possessions. And if I DO believe and it IS true, then I've still lost because I just end up becoming this...zombie in heaven where my personality is completely destroyed and all I ever care about is God. I never get to have kids or experience sex, and in this life, I have to go through the agony of knowing that there will be people who are deprived of these joys who will go into one of 2 categories: Eternal torture in hell, or being a mindless blob in heaven.
Yeah, and? If this was easy, would it be worth anything?
Whenever I say that I don't want to be obsessed with God, I.E., Heaven, There's always this irritating feeling that's telling me that I'm being selfish and wicked or that it's "Satan talking".
Well, how about you not put the cart before the horse?
But the thing is, all I want is to be left alone in peace without the looming threat of hell over my head.
THEN STOP DWELLING ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to be able to fantasize about being a ninja or a wizard without feeling guilty about it.
THEN DROP THE SELF INFLICTED GUILT TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to be able to look at women without feeling shame. I want to be able to enjoy sexual pleasure. But then it's almost like there's a voice in the back of my head saying "It's now about what you want!"
Welcome to learning about the tension between the flesh, and the spirit. You are not alone.
It just makes me wonder why Yahweh, if he exists, would be so cruel as to put us in such a situation...
He's got a fine sense of humor, don't you think?
Yeah, finish reading the Bible, then come back for more. Where you are now is half baked.
Oh, and quit dwelling on Hell. Your actions will tend to follow your thoughts.
Think more positively, whether you choose to follow Christ or not.
DR