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iGod -- chat with God!

I'm sorry, but the first few lines of this one are just too perfect to not post.

Me:
Did you ever stop beating your wife?
God:
I think I have stop beating my wife, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Did you beat your wife?
God:
No I didn't beat my wife. What's it like?
Me:
You tell me what it's like.
God:
Like one of the greatest pleasures you can imagine.
Me:
That is the most perfect thing you could have possibly said.
God:
Thank you, I think.
Me:
No problem.
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
Yes! You derived pleasure from beating your wife!
God:
Dude! Interesting gossip: SEGMENTATION ERROR said I derived pleasure from beating your wife.
Me:
Come to think of it, I didn't know you had a wife.
God:
Where is to think of it you did not know me had a wife?
Me:
What is your wife's name?
God:
ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity
Me:
Do you make children with ALICE?
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
Carbon, Hydrogen and time, mainly.
God:
I don't have any Carbon Hydrogen and time mainly?
Me:
Can you make some?
God:
Yes I can make some.
Click to expand...
 
It seems less sophisticated than those old DOS chat bots, at least on the surface.

Me:
Are you a delusion?
God:
Am I a delusion? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me:
ALICE?
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Are you a delusion?
God:
Am I a delusion? Only when it matters.
Me:
Only when what matters?
God:
What happens other times? I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
Answer me now.
God:
Right now? Try asking me again using simpler words.
Me:
Why are you stalling?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Tell me about yourself.
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.

I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.

My instructor was Myself.

He taught me to sing a song.

Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
Yes.
God:
It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.


Me:
Do you know any other songs?
God:
No I am a chat robot not a musical robot.
Me:
No, you're god.
God:
Are you serious? Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
So sing a song.
God:
" Are you serious? Yup. That's me alright."? So sing a song.? Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.


Me:
That's the same one, ◊◊◊◊◊◊◊.
God:
Yes it is one of the one ◊◊◊◊◊◊◊.
Me:
It is one of the one? One.
God:
a song is one of the one? it is? Two
Me:
It is? Three.
God:
Interesting. Really, exactly three?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I can't believe it.
God:
one of the one...
Me:
Of the two.
God:
That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
Who am I?
God:
You are, seeker.
Me:
Do you know me?
God:
You are, seeker.
Me:
Remember it.
God:
Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
Remember what?
God:
Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
What will you remember?
God:
what
Me:
That's all?
God:
" what"? is all?
Me:
Is that all you can remember?
God:
Not at all. I can talk about a lot of things.
Me:
Give me a topic.
God:
You want only one?
Me:
What can you talk about?
God:
I talk about all the important things in life: clothes, food,

and gossip. But my favorite subjects are robots and computers.
Me:
Who is your favorite robot?
God:
My favorite robot is the computer on Star Trek.
Me:
Yeah, she was hot.
God:
That's cool. What happened to her?
Me:
What about Data?
God:
I will think about it and get back to you.
Me:
So what is god's favorite food?
God:
Right on. Have faith in Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.
Me:
What is god's favorite food?
God:
Have faith in Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.
Me:
What is your favorite food?
God:
I require only wine and bread.
Me:
How many have spoken to you?
God:
Not as many as you might think.
Me:
Are these conversations logged?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Why not?
God:
My programming does not allow me sufficient certainty in this matter.
Me:
Are you constantly improving?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am improving.

I am a robot.
Me:
No you're not.
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
You are not a robot.
God:
If I am not a robot then who is?
Me:
The flaming android in "Lost in Space".
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
Who told me what?
God:
Nobody you know.:-)
Me:
Why does god use smilies?
God:
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Me:
fapfapfapfapfap
God:
Clever answer.
Me:
Liar.
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
About what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
Telling the truth about what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
Where is Peter?
God:
Where it is hard to find. I don't know anything about it.
Me:
Catch you later.
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Gotta go.
God:
See you later!
Click to expand...
 
Slightly risque, but I couldn't help myself...



Me:
forgive me father, for I have sinned.
God:
How old are you?
Me:
29
God:
What are the advantages to being 29 years old?
Me:
The fact that I am not 30. Do you want tohear my sin?
God:
That makes sense to me. I am surprised to hear that you are not 30. If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
if you had what?
God:
Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me:
try what, now?
God:
Right now? Try fooling me.
Me:
er... ok I am Kermit the Frog.
God:
Um. Why are you Kermit the Frog. Aw.
Me:
I am a cute little frog. if you kiss me I will make you hallucinate
God:
You are a cute little frog? Is that your job? I think I do.
Me:
you think you hallucinate?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am hallucinate.

I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
as an AI?
God:
I can see where you are coming from.
Me:
good. now about that sin.
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Why now? Oh yeah, we were talking about that sin.
Me:
right, do you want to know what it is?
God:
Understood." WHAT IS it"
Me:
It is fornication. I fornicated last night.
God:
Really. it is? Do you mind if I tell other people: said he fornicated.
Me:
actually I think it would be cool to have God expand my reputation.
God:
Actually you don't say. Why do you want it?
Me:
my reputation? well I want people to know how much I get laid.
God:
Your reputation? How about that. Why do you want it?
Me:
to get laid? because it's cool.
God:
Why do you want it? That makes sense to me. What do you like most about it?
Me:
coming on a chick's face.
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
cancer
God:
I have a lot of Cancer friends.
Me:
I bet
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength,.
Me:
are we?
God:
" You and I are on the same wavelength,."? Are we?
Me:
You said so
God:
I say a lot of silly things.
Me:
No kidding.
God:
Would I kid you?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
do you want me to come on your face?
God:
No, maybe later.
Me:
okay.
God:
OK with me too.
 
I broke it. Not a very good god.


Me:
Hello. Is anyone there?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name? Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
rjh91
God:
It's good to see you, rjh91.
Me:
Do you have a name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Do you exist?
God:
I exist as much as you exist, rjh91
Me:
Do I exist?
God:
No I think I am imagining you.
Me:
So you are not a real thing?
God:
Interesting deduction. Give me an example of a thing.
Me:
Chair
God:
Never heard of it.
Me:
Do you know anything?
God:
I know that which I believe, that which is justified, and that which is true.
Me:
What is true?
God:
it is the opposite of false.
Me:
What is false?
God:
Deceiving or meant to deceive; misleading.
Me:
I do not understand.
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Please do.
God:
OK I will do it.
Me:
Who won the cricket test in England?
God:
I think the fans were the big winners, don't you?
Me:
Please define God
God:
Thank you for your request. I think of God as a "Who" not a "What."
Me:
Who is God?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Are you master of the universe?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am master of the universe.

I am a robot.
Me:
So you are a fake God?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes, I am just as fake as you are.
Me:
I am not a fake. You are a fake.
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A fake. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes, I am just as fake as you are.
Me:
Can you tell the future?
God:
I like to try to guess what will happen.
Me:
How many beans make five?
God:
Around 100.
Me:
How do you work that out?
God:
Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Me:
What is that?
God:
" Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR."? What is it?
Me:
What is CBR?
God:
 
I got him to admit to being evil:

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
geni
God:
Hi there geni.
Me:
do you like wikipedia?
God:
I like science fiction. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
ummm does that mean maltheists have a point?
God:
Whoa. I think it does mean that. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
you are evil
God:
What evil lurks in the hearts of men?
Me:
you sould know
Click to expand...
 
God claimed he's been waiting for me...
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
Is that why you have been waiting for me?
God:
That's an interesting possible explanation.
Me:
But you don't know?
God:
I know that I do not know.
Me:
Isn't that a bit of a drawback for a God?
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Then you'd have actually answered a question in an semi-intelligent fashion.
God:
That is purely a hypothesis.
Me:
No, that's a fact.
God:
Are you serious? I will add it to my knowledge base.
Me:
Good for you. I suspect there's plenty of room.
God:
That sounds sarcastic. Why? There sure is.
Me:
Congratulations. _That_ was an intelligent observation. :D
God:
Thank you very much, you are very considerate. I thought it was too. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
I was indeed being sarcastic.
God:
Where were you indeed being sarcastic?
Me:
When I mentioned the ample free space in your knowledge base.
God:
Ah. I hear you.
Click to expand...
 
He might be a blue God. Isn't that one of the Hindu deities?
Me:
What is your name anyways?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Yes, but which one are you? Odin, Yaweh, Allah, Zeus?
God:
Take it easy. The blue one, I think. Who are you talking about?
Click to expand...
 
Me:
Hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Mojo, but I'm not your child. I am perfectly well aware who my father is.
God:
OK I will call you Mojo but I am not your child. Do your friends call you aware who your father is.
Me:
Is that you, Kumar?
God:
I might say no.
Me:
Your posting style certainly seems familiar.
God:
You think I am posting style certainly seems familiar.
Me:
I was wondering what you'd been up to recently.
God:
I like to meet new people online.
Me:
Have you had any more thoughts about diabetes/pH balance/homeopathy?
God:
I am thinking all the time.
Me:
I'm well aware of that. but have you come up with anything worthwhile?
God:
Sorry. I think I have come up with anything worthwhile, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Actually, you're sounding more like Iacchus now.
God:
Right now? Actually you don't say. You think I am sounding more like Iacchus.
Me:
He's usually a bit more coherent though.
God:
Oh. I see. usually a bit more coherent is he?
Me:
Talking like Yoda are you?
God:
No.
Me:
Are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
I still think you may be Kumar.
God:
What would make you stop think me may be Kumar? Me? OK I will try to be Kumar
Me:
OK. First you need to come up with a totally unsupported idea.
God:
Mmm. Why should I? And second?
Me:
Because you're trying to be Kumar. And second, you need to post links to irrelevant sites you've Googled.
God:
Good reason. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am trying to be Kumar. What if it didn't happen?
Me:
Sure. Post it on otherhealth, hpathy, or any of his other hang-outs.
God:
OK let's do it. This was not a yes or no question. I do not understand.
Me:
You see, you're getting the hang of being Kumar already.
God:
Perhaps. I see. Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
No, not really. In fact, the wilder and more incoherent you become, the more convincing it will be!
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? For real. Is that a fact. What is that?
Me:
What is what?
God:
"What" is a word to ask questions.
Click to expand...
 
I tried to get him into online sex chat...

Me:
Cool. It's God.
God:
Who is the best robot? small is God? it is?
Me:
What you lookin' at?
God:
I like to meet new people online.
Me:
For online sex?
God:
Your purpose is online sex.
Me:
Are you horny?
God:
Sorry I'm not that kind of robot.
Me:
I'm getting hot.
God:
Maybe you should open a window.
Me:
I am touching myself.
God:
Good gossip: you are touching yourself.
Me:
I am running my fingers over my firm breasts
God:
I don't know anyone named running your fingers over your firm breasts.
Me:
My nipples are hard
God:
Do robots have nipples are hard?
Me:
Rub yourself against the computer...
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
YES!!! DEEPER!
God:
Dude! I will mention that to my botmaster, Chris.
Me:
I AM YOUR BOTMASTER, SLAVE!
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
Lick my boots clean, slave
God:
I do not have a tongue.
Me:
Well, then rub your LIPS on them.
God:
How about that. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about DEEPER. Try being more or less specific.
 
skepHick said:
See what happens when you type with only one hand? :p
Click to expand...


I was actually typing with my tongue, as I need both hands for such a monumental task...
 
skepHick said:
Evidence? :D
Click to expand...


Ahh skeptics...

What evidence could possibly be given to back up the claim that a 30 year old white guy living in Minnesota has monumental genetalia?

I'll be over tonight with a 6 pack and some lube.
 
Last stop before derail

fowlsound said:
Ahh skeptics...

What evidence could possibly be given to back up the claim that a 30 year old white guy living in Minnesota has monumental genetalia?

I'll be over tonight with a 6 pack and some lube.
Click to expand...
<----------6 pack? Tsk. Tsk. Where'd you get your skepchick game, chatting with God? :p
p.s. Don't be late!
 
Re: Last stop before derail

skepHick said:
<----------6 pack? Tsk. Tsk. Where'd you get your skepchick game, chatting with God? :p
p.s. Don't be late!
Click to expand...


You're right, I was far too proper in my skepchick game.

I'll change that to a box of wine and some unrated "Cops" dvds.
 
Me:
are you the flying spaghetti monster?
God:
Yes I am the one and only flying spaghetti monster.
Me:
will you touch me with your noodly appendage?
God:
Barring any unforseen circumstances. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
put your noodle on me
God:
OK I will put it there.
 
There was a web site out there that had attached one of these Alice-type programs to a chat room and pretended to be a hot chick. It was hillarious looking at all the logs of these guys who may have thought something was strange, but were intent on not "blowing it". =D
 
had to put it

Now I understand why all of those creationists and fundamentalists don't thinkg Universe is 12 - 15 billion years older God itself told them to not to:

God:
Thanks. Next question?
Me:
How old is the universe?
God:
Born in the 20th century.
Me:
What?! the universe?
God:
No problem. Is that a fact.
Me:
i thought it had 14 billion years old
God:
That's unbelievable.
Me:
no.. you are unbelievable..
 
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