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I wrote "Footprints" and so did my wife!

Bluegill

Graduate Poster
Bluegill
Joined
Oct 17, 2002
Messages
1,243
Belief.net article on authorship

A friend pointed this article out to me, and I thought it would be an amusing link to post here. It's a fairly interesting article about conflict between the various (I mean, like hundreds) of people who claim authorship of the ubiquitous "Footprints" poem.

Lots of goofy stuff in the story. I especially like the part where the lady says Jesus spoke to her by throwing a van full of nuns into the air.:)
 
I really, really would like to read a good parody of Footprints.

I imagine it would be something like assprints, where Jesus was sitting around on the sand doing nothing.


I'll leave the clever writing to someone else, if a good one already exists.
 
Silicon said:
I really, really would like to read a good parody of Footprints.

I imagine it would be something like assprints, where Jesus was sitting around on the sand doing nothing.


I'll leave the clever writing to someone else, if a good one already exists.
Click to expand...

I don't know about 'Footprints' but there is an equally sappy 'spiritual' poem called Desiderata which spawned a hilarious parody called Deteriorata
 
A lot of people are going out of their way to claim authorship of a bad piece of poetry.

I particularly liked this part:
One thing Carty, Stevenson, and Powers share is tragedy. Margaret Powers' 106-page memoir begins with her daughter Paula falling into a whirlpool and over a 68-foot waterfall, landing in a 40-foot-deep glacier pool. At the same moment, Powers' husband, Paul, collapsed with a heart attack. Twice a year, Paul got pneumonia and once tripped and broke his leg "like a yard stick cracking." (To their amazement, God, answering the family's prayers, instantaneously healed the broken bones.)
Click to expand...

I'm reminded of an edisode of "Night Court" of all things, where Harry is charged with giving a sum of money to a needy person. A parade of "needy" people come before his bench, each relating their sob story. One woman says she is so destitute that she has to steal cat food in order to get sustenance. Of course Harry asks why she doesn't just steal people food, and the woman answers, "Cat food is more pathetic."

Anyway, I guess all these "decent" god-fearing people really need those royalty checks. Uhh . . . To help spread good will, of course.
 
Cash in on faith. That's what it's there for! You see a poem printed in millions of places... and think "Hey! There must be a way I can make people PAY!"

That's what faith is all about!

I really did write this one, just now. I place it firmly onto the public domain because it's pure doggerel. If you make zillions off of publishing it, that's your own fault.

There was a poem
more like some prose
printed everywhere
so greed arose

That text's worth millions
I want a cut
Pay me the money
I wrote it but...

I never released
I never applied
for copyright
I woulldn't lie

Just take my word now
Pay me my share
I'll take you to court
Try me, I dare.

I wrote it one night
Staring at sand
'twas god that inspired
the vision was grand

And so I reveal
The core of my creed
not based in faith
only in greed.
 
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Or maybe I was drunk. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky but they turned out to be an advertisement for Viagra.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. I also noticed palm trees, a streetcar, two seagulls, a sand castle, seaweed, a crab attacking my foot, and Bob Dole.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, namely all of them, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I drank half as much as I did I would be able to see two sets of footprints. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “Don’t look at me. Helping you was supposed to be Quetzacoatl’s job.”
 
c4ts said:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Or maybe I was drunk. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky but they turned out to be an advertisement for Viagra.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. I also noticed palm trees, a streetcar, two seagulls, a sand castle, seaweed, a crab attacking my foot, and Bob Dole.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, namely all of them, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I drank half as much as I did I would be able to see two sets of footprints. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “Don’t look at me. Helping you was supposed to be Quetzacoatl’s job.”
Click to expand...
It would be funnier if you worked something in about " you only saw two sets of footprints when you were sh*tfaced drunk , and you were always alone you dumbass .. "

Give it a try..
 
The Blonde Footprints Story:

OK, like, I was having a hard time. I was breaking up with my boyfriend who was, like, such a jerk. And I was walking alone and I noticed there weren't any footprints, so I asked God, like "God! Are you, like, carrying me?" and He said "No! You are walking on concrete!"
 
One night I dreamed I was walking
Along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that
During the low periods of my life when I was

Suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,

So I said to the Lord, "You promised me,
Lord, that if I followed You,
You would walk with me always.

But I noticed that during the most trying periods
Of my life there have only been
One set of prints in the sand.

Why, When I have needed You most,
You have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"Remember those chicks we saw over by the hot-dog stand? Turns out they really have a thing for omnipotence."
 
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