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I Told You So!

grunion

Penultimate Amazing
grunion
Joined
Jul 28, 2003
Messages
11,498
I'm sure many of the readers of these forums have a nagging concern that any moment now they will be bathed in a glorious light, ascend bodily to heaven, and bask in the glory of the Lord during the final days, or something like that.

Why "concern," you might ask? Well, as a loving Christian you are no doubt distressed about the coming confusion of those sinners that come the Rapture will be left behind, especially our friends and family members that we have been trying in vain to get to accept Christ in their hearts. Sure, thet taunt us and jeer at us now, but they will soon be sorry!

Yet what if they mistakenly attribute our ascension and disappearance to earthly causes? When we're not around for a couple of days, they might think we're off on vacation, or sick in bed, or at a Bible retreat.

Well, fear no longer. For only $40 you can subscribe to this service, that will send your post-rapturous message to anyone with an email account. After you have been whisked away by the Lord, an email that you have previously composed will wend its way to the Inbox of those unfortunates who will still be stuck in their humdrum, earthly existences. Let them know for certain that YOU were right and THEY were wrong. Boy, will they be jealous!

You may wonder, how will the server bots know when the appropriate moment has occurred? Well, rest assured that the webmasters have thought that through. If no webmaster logs into the server for three days, it is a sure sign that they are otherwise disposed, likely washing the feet of the Lord. Your messages will then be automatically beamed to all of your designees. I'll bet you can just see the look on their face right now.
 
Can I sign up to be notified of when this occurs? I will certainly be left behind, and will want to know when they get removed from life so the rest of us can get on with progress.
 
I heard about that site a while ago, and I've been kicking myself ever since for not having thought of it first.
 
grunion said:
For only $40 you can subscribe to this service, that will send your post-rapturous message to anyone with an email account. After you have been whisked away by the Lord, an email that you have previously composed will wend its way to the Inbox of those unfortunates who will still be stuck in their humdrum, earthly existences.
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All I can say is, dear sweet Jesus why didn't I think of that?!
 
Is there any way we could mass-email the message to a bunch of xians BEFORE the blessed day? I think everyone would have a good laugh.
 
There's got to be Rapture insurance.

If there's not, I swear to El I'm gonna get my insurance license and start selling it.

And I'm not even remotely kidding.
 
Piggy said:
There's got to be Rapture insurance.

If there's not, I swear to El I'm gonna get my insurance license and start selling it.

And I'm not even remotely kidding.
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Here's my "Rapture insurance" :D

 
maybe I should set up a service that sends email to all of those that sign up, stating that the rapture is coming and to get ready and include up to 150 MB of attachments for other handy services, such as the land on the moon I have for sale, and the List of currently unowned numbers still up for auction,
 
I'll just repeat what I said in the other thread about this.

So anyway, I've been needing a new computer for quite some time. After they get raptured into heaven, can I have theirs? It's just going to be lying around, after all, along with all their other cool junk that they won't be needing anymore. I call dibs on that, and on Mel Gibson's Hitler memorabilia.

Of course, it might take me a while to delete all the naked pictures of Kirk Cameron that they're bound to have on their hard drive.
 
Silentknight said:
Of course, it might take me a while to delete all the naked pictures of Kirk Cameron that they're bound to have on their hard drive.
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I could have gone all day without that image in my head. :mad:
 
I'm just upset at the casual attitude these rapturers display towards those of us that aren't going to make the cut, and will have to deal with their driverless vehicles careening around the countryside and thru the skies.
Wouldn't a concerned rapture candidate -not- engage in activities that would harm us miscreants when they depart (can't happen soon enough) this mortal coil?
Seems like the Christian thing to do, although the lack of concern is more like "I got mine, neener, neener, neener!"
 
I have been mulling over a similar idea ... what if a person dies, and nobody logs into their accounts to inform others?

"Your email could not be delivered; adressee deceased."
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I mean, what if -- may Darwin forbid -- Lisa should pass away, who would let the rest of us know? Is there an executor who would log in under her account and post an obituary?

(No, Lisa, I do not wish you dead. Nor do really I wish to know how your estate will be handled after you're gone. The above is only an example.)

Okay, that wasn't a pleasant thought, but think of this: Some rabid, yet very popular blogger suddenly croaks, and all those who hang on his (or her) every word are just as suddenly left hanging and wondering if the blogger's PC crashed or their ISP cancelled the account. Not that it would really matter, but that it would be one of those "nice to know" issues.
 
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Piscivore said:
Amongst the crowd that expects to be raptured "porn" consists of Amy Grant album covers and the Sears catalogue.
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You'd be surprised what depravity lurks within the hearts (and hard drives) of those who have been "saved." Their sins have been washed away, so they have a free pass to do what they wish during this lifetime.
 
I Ratant said:
I'm just upset at the casual attitude these rapturers display towards those of us that aren't going to make the cut, and will have to deal with their driverless vehicles careening around the countryside and thru the skies.
Wouldn't a concerned rapture candidate -not- engage in activities that would harm us miscreants when they depart (can't happen soon enough) this mortal coil?
Seems like the Christian thing to do, although the lack of concern is more like "I got mine, neener, neener, neener!"
Click to expand...

Oh Noes I hadn't thought of that, I am going to have to make enquiries next time I board a Bus or Taxi or worse A PLANE, noooo I don't want to die just because some heeby jeeby bleefing pilot finally gets his rapture on. from now on I am only getting on planes flown by rabid moslem fundies
 
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