BIN LADENISMS
YAHYA RAMALLAH’S AUDACIOUS ATTEMPT AT
IRRITATING THE FBI AND THEIR MOST WANTED MAN.
Bin Leiden- Based on the city of Leiden in west Netherlands which houses the country’s oldest university. The University is responsible for one of the greatest achievements of modern academia, The Encyclopedia of Islam, where for the first time in publishing history, a team of scholars of many different nationalities began work on a single scientific project. This may be dismissed as Orientalist drivel by Bin Laden, who would assuredly endorse al- Qaeda’s CD-Rom version of The Encyclopaedia of Jihad as a future rival purchase. Bin Ladin - Ladin is the Rhaeto Romanicdialect of the Engadine in Switzerland, and therefore is very helpful for money laundering operations via Swiss Bank accounts. The Swiss also have export industries in cuckoo clocks, cheese and Toblerone bars if al- Qaeda is considering entering new markets. Bin Ladeno - Ladino is the language based on old Spanish and written in modified Hebrew characters, used by some Sephardic Jews; such an association may merit that assassination as would Binjamin Laden. Bin Ladeno - Ladino is also a mestizo or Spanish-speaking white person in Central America, which is exactly what Dubya is, and as his brother Jeb is married to a Hispanic woman, this is very handy for courting the substantial Hispanic vote. Debating with Usama’s brother, Khalil, naturally a Spanish speaker as Brazil’s Honorary Consul for Saudi Arabia, should therefore be easy. Bin Leader - Bin Laden is Chief Executive Officer of al-Qaeda, and may remain in that position despite some of his management board being subject to a hostile takeover bid from Way Out West Bin Laden may find it amusing that following a rejection from Texas University Law School, Dubya had to attend Harvard for his MBA in 1975, and may therefore consider his business management skills far superior than those of Dubya’s. Whereas Bin Laden received his public management degree from King Abd al-Aziz University in Jeddah and successfully managed a global recruitment drive for the Afghan jihad, Dubya’s Harvard MBA could not prevent him from being a director of businesses which had losses totaling $371 million from 1979 to 1992. Bin Ladenator - Like The Terminator, Bin Laden likes making comebacks when you least expect it, such as immediately after the New Year. Following the election of Hollywood actor Arnold Schwarznegger as the Governor of California, is it possible to envisage Bench Press Laden running for Governor of Baghdad instead of Bremer Laden? Bin Ladenistan - An area somewhere east Kandahar, of with current franchisees are profitable in Baghdad, and 2004 openings in Iran and Syria. No sign of McGolden Arches and Colonel Sanders in this area. Bionic Laden - Bin Laden becomes the $300 Million Dollar Man after getting bionic parts. Benz Laden - When Bin Laden decides to into the autotrade with Mercedes. Benzine Laden - Oil is a natural market for Middle East-based al-Qaeda, but renewable fossil fuels may be a better long-term option, if only as part of a Corporate Social Responsibility policy. Tony Benn Laden - Tony Benn, British Labour Parliamentarian for decades, meets President Saddam Hussein in early 2003 to avert the Iraq war = “al-Qaeda connection to Benn Laden” says the present White House. Benefit Laden - Name given to an al Qaeda operative working in the United Kingdom, claiming social security benefit for himself, his three wives and twenty kids. Benedictine Laden - Name given to a monk who finally decides that Christian love is not working, the churches are emptier by the year, all media coverage is negative, so therefore joins al-Qaeda Group, LLC (USA), Ltd. (UK). Bin La Deen - Translated as ‘the one without religion.’ This was circulated after 911 by those using text messages, who probably believe Neil Armstrong and Will Smith became Muslims as well, despite strenuous but polite denials by all.. Beatle Laden - Decides not to sing ‘It’s Bin a Hard Day’s Night’ when Americans decide to reduce Afghan mountains to dust. Blair Laden - Bush Baby Buddy available when needed to launch wars and says “Trust Me” often. Blaine Laden - Sits in box over the Thames for 44 days, so Western military taskforces know where he is, but don’t apprehend him because of sheer entertainment value. Blue-Chip Laden - “Venture Capitalist (also known as Benefactor Laden) offers share-options for al- Qaeda following wars in Afghanistan and Iraq - expect sustained profits in 2004 with emerging markets of Iran and Syria.” Bond Laden - Uses pay-off lines like “No more beating about the Bush, Bush” or “When Bush comes to shove”. Bounty Laden - Eats chocolate-covered coconut bar on his desert island, before selecting his Desert Island Discs. Baby Laden - Travels to the Wild West and has brawls in the saloon with Big Bad Baby Bush. Considered alliance with former rival Bad Baby Saddam, endowed with caterpillar-like moustache and green beret, before his capture. Brand Laden - Following conversion to the ideas of Naomi Klein’s No Logo, al-Qaeda does not utilise logos, and therefore if its CEO were invited to Buckingham Palace, as his colleagues were invited to the White House by President Reagan, there would be no Great Seal of al-Qaeda above a poptastic pavilion to receive him Bushwhacker Laden - Whilst living in the uncultivated areas of Afghanistan, finds time to whack a Bush or two Bin Le Don - Bin Laden fellowships exist at both Ox-ferd and Har-vard, so if Dubya decides to visit the Bin Laden Fellow at his alma mater; they may find his Bushisms far more insulting to their kudos than the cool, calm, measured diatribes of Bin Laden on al-Jazeera!_
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