How *I* Would Beat the Challenge

I am going to start a sham bank solely for the purpose of taking a multi-billion dollar bailout from the United States government.

Once I get the delicious TARP money, I will invest it into a secret labratory I will build in the Carribbean. The money will go the creation of a technology well beyond the understanding of the world's "scientists." It will basically be a chip inplanted into my brain that gives me Star Wars-esque "force" powers. I will also make light sabers.

I will give the light sabers to the race of genetically modified apes I create when I'm not practicing my force powers. I will put them on a boat and send them to the Somali coast. Their special brand of monkey-piracy will make the hundreds of millions of dollars I need to keep my lab going.

Once I have perfected my skills, I will challenge Randi. He will sit on my back as I run through the woods, muttering cyyptic advice in my ear. My case will be proven when I bend a spoon without touching it. Then the one...million...dollars will be mine.

I'll probably start on this tomorrow because it's stormy and rainy here today, and I have trouble getting motivated when the weather is gloomy.
 
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My psychic powers would have long ago won the MDC... except, of course, the presence of skeptics totally interrupts the flow of my chi, as well as chasing away all the spirit guides who provide me with information.

My powers only work around those who unconditionally believe in them. It's a little like religion... you will only know that it's true after you accept that it's true.
 
NoZed Avenger said:
Like a red-headed step child.


If I felt like it.
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First, I'd give it the ol' elbow to the nose. And then I'd take the Challenge by the short hairs and give 'em a huge yank. And then I'd do a number on its toes by stomping down BUT hard on its feet. And then I'd take my keys and brandish them as a pointy weapon betwinxt my fingers and do the stabaroo on the Challenge's beady little eyes. And then I'd spit in the Challenge's face and say, "You dirty bastard!"
 
Meh. You're all going about it the wrong way - depending on paranormal powers you obviously don't have.

Here's how you do it:

  • Buy yourself a large angry dog.
  • Take it to JREF headquarters.
  • Ask the nice receptionist if you could please speak with Mr. Randi.
  • When he comes out to see you, tell him if he doesn't give the the million dollars, you'll sic your large angry dog on the nice receptionist.
  • When he gives you the money, run away and hide. Save a little of it to give to the police, to make them leave you alone when they come after you.
 
Drewbot said:
I would like to cite two examples of supernatural powers and six sources proving such power exists.

The Force
The Dark Side of the Force

Star Wars Ep. 1 thru 6

Read it and weep James Randi.
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Only episodes 4-6 count. No midichlorians.
 
Moochie said:
:bigclap


M.
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:bigcat :wink:

FSM said:
First, I'd give it the ol' elbow to the nose. And then I'd take the Challenge by the short hairs and give 'em a huge yank. And then I'd do a number on its toes by stomping down BUT hard on its feet. And then I'd take my keys and brandish them as a pointy weapon betwinxt my fingers and do the stabaroo on the Challenge's beady little eyes. And then I'd spit in the Challenge's face and say, "You dirty bastard!"
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:drool: Oh Baby, you know when you talk like that, you really get me goin'; what say I pop in the Nacho Libre soundtrack so we can try out those new wrestling ma...

:blush: Ooops, sorry; thought this was the "flirting" thread (for this response, not the previous; not that there's anything wrong with that... meow).
 
Oh Blobby, I'd beat you like a red-headed stepchallenge any day of the week.

Here's an idea:

We get 1000 people to live in a big lovely mansion for 20 years. We encourage the kumbaya, the mingle, the orgy, the free love, da touchy and da feely... we make them do the Vulcan mind meld on each other for years and years... and then we pull out the old ganzfeld, but we ONLY include Nacho Libre references as the answers. To get a direct hit responses must be:

luchadore
"Get that corn outta my face."
Stretchy pants
"Why are you always judging me? I only believe in science."
"Good toast."

If they can pull that outta their collective psi asses THEN I promise you, I'd be first in line to shake Radin's hand...
 
FSM said:
First, I'd give it the ol' elbow to the nose. And then I'd take the Challenge by the short hairs and give 'em a huge yank. And then I'd do a number on its toes by stomping down BUT hard on its feet. And then I'd take my keys and brandish them as a pointy weapon betwinxt my fingers and do the stabaroo on the Challenge's beady little eyes. And then I'd spit in the Challenge's face and say, "You dirty bastard!"
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My son tells me that there's another cool thing you can do, the pull-and-impale. That's where you use the Dark Side force to cause the Challenger to leave his feet and float toward you, throat first. Then, you do something or other to accomplish the 'impale' bit. I'm not sure what, exactly.
 
calebprime said:
My son tells me that there's another cool thing you can do, the pull-and-impale. That's where you use the Dark Side force to cause the Challenger to leave his feet and float toward you, throat first. Then, you do something or other to accomplish the 'impale' bit. I'm not sure what, exactly.
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That's awesome.

Betcha he's played several vid's as Star Killer... not that I, ah, have, or anything, because that would be really dorky and pathetic for an almost middle aged woman... :o:o:o
 
FSM said:
That's awesome.

Betcha he's played several vid's as Star Killer... not that I, ah, have, or anything, because that would be really dorky and pathetic for an almost middle aged woman... :o:o:o
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Is this the flirting thread, because that's actually kinda hot.
 
I would begin by making extremely egotistical boasts about my physchice abolities in a rambling forum post. Then, a couple of weeks later, I would return and fail to answer any poised questions, leaping directly into a non-descriptive rant about how my powers work and anecdotes about times I have guessed peoples ages correctly. Eventually I would insult everbody, losing whatever possible credibility I could still possess at this point, then disappear and never be heard from again.
 
FSM said:
Oh Blobby, I'd beat you like a red-headed stepchallenge any day of the week.
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I prefer rented mule. Optionally, like a red-headed stepchild on a rented mule. But it must always involve mules.

I think I've been hanging around Shemp and the MdC too much (if that is possible).

Here's an idea:

We get 1000 people to live in a big lovely mansion for 20 years. We encourage the kumbaya, the mingle, the orgy, the free love, da touchy and da feely... we make them do the Vulcan mind meld on each other for years and years... and then we pull out the old ganzfeld, but we ONLY include Nacho Libre references as the answers. To get a direct hit responses must be:

luchadore
"Get that corn outta my face."
Stretchy pants
"Why are you always judging me? I only believe in science."
"Good toast."

If they can pull that outta their collective psi asses THEN I promise you, I'd be first in line to shake Radin's hand...
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As would I, as long as they hadn't just pulled it outta their collective psi asses.

calebprime said:
My son tells me that there's another cool thing you can do, the pull-and-impale. That's where you use the Dark Side force to cause the Challenger to leave his feet and float toward you, throat first. Then, you do something or other to accomplish the 'impale' bit. I'm not sure what, exactly.
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Beat him like a drunken leprechaun. ("imp ale", sorry. And the Challenger, not your son. Never beat your son. Unless he is your wife's from another marriage, and has red hair. No, on second thought, not even then.)

The Master Cat said:
I would begin by making extremely egotistical boasts about my physchice abolities in a rambling forum post. Then, a couple of weeks later, I would return and fail to answer any poised questions, leaping directly into a non-descriptive rant about how my powers work and anecdotes about times I have guessed peoples ages correctly. Eventually I would insult everbody, losing whatever possible credibility I could still possess at this point, then disappear and never be heard from again.
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Something irresistible about folks with cat avatars or names... TMC, that made me laugh like a drunken leprechaun on a redheaded stepchild on a rented mule, who's transformed into a giant green smiley face and is unfortunately about to get hit by a train... :train thx (for the laff, not the getting hit by a train part). :c1:
 
The Master Cat said:
I would begin by making extremely egotistical boasts about my physchice abolities in a rambling forum post. Then, a couple of weeks later, I would return and fail to answer any poised questions, leaping directly into a non-descriptive rant about how my powers work and anecdotes about times I have guessed peoples ages correctly. Eventually I would insult everbody, losing whatever possible credibility I could still possess at this point, then disappear and never be heard from again.
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Ditto. I'd continually try to hype myself up and promote any books, videos, or websites I may or may not ever complete.

Before I disappeared I would also make sure to accuse Randi of lying / waffling / equivocating / conspiring against me because he knows he'll lose the million.
 
Easy... Easy...

There's plenty of sucks in this here asthma inhaler for everyone.

;)
 
FSM said:
And sometimes, I even use my asthma inhaler with one hand while I use the controller with the other. How hot is THAT?
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FSM said:
Easy... Easy...

There's plenty of sucks in this here asthma inhaler for everyone.

;)
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come away wi' me, FSM
Doleful plangent microtonal clams will I strum on my turgid cimbalom for ye,
and I will make ye my wife.
 
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