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How do I join the Illuminati

Isaac Zac

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Hi :)

I want to know how I can join the Illuminati. I've already searched online and there were some forms where you could fill in your data and send it to I don't know whom. But I'm afraid of the security as I am a computer scientist.

So I wanted to ask if there is one website where I could apply and how I should try to apply.

Please help me.

Yours sincerly,
Isaac Zac
 
Don't pay any attention to those bogus "How to join the Illuminati" commercials and websites. You need to demonstrate your commitment to furthering the cause by your online and real-world actions. At such time as we judge your work to be worthy of membership, we will contact you.
 
First rule of the The Illuminati is, we do not talk about The Illuminati!!!

Second rule is, if you really want to join The Illuminati, go to your web browser, type illuminati backwards, add ".com", and you will be directed through our international servers via Tel Aviv to our membership application page. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
 
Write "I want to be an Illuminatus" in black ink on whIte paper, sign it, and at noon on either a solstice or an equinox take the application outside, hold it face up for a full hour, then burn it. The All-Seeing Eye will read it, and Bob's your uncle.
 
They are called Illuminati?

I got recruited by a group calling itself the Eliminati, and they keep on asking me to kill people, so naturally I assumed I was in the right cult.
 
I wrote a treatise on the 17 different classes of swarf and how to identify them in the field, and was invited to join the Aluminati. Unfortunately there's been a major disagreement among upper management in the welding subsection and the leadership is in flux. But those of us in the machining and coating divisions are hoping for a quick turnaround and a smooth finish.
 
bruto said:
I wrote a treatise on the 17 different classes of swarf and how to identify them in the field, and was invited to join the Aluminati. Unfortunately there's been a major disagreement among upper management in the welding subsection and the leadership is in flux. But those of us in the machining and coating divisions are hoping for a quick turnaround and a smooth finish.
Click to expand...

I hereby invite you to join the British equivilant, The Aluminiati.
 
You don't join the Illuminati. You get invited. You can join our initiates program and if you prove yourself worthy, you may get invited to join our esteemed ranks.

The first step is to send me the $499 application fee.
 
How do you join the Illuminati?

You start by going to their application website, which is their name backwards.

Here's a link.

itanimulli.com

:)
 
Donal said:
You don't join the Illuminati. You get invited. You can join our initiates program and if you prove yourself worthy, you may get invited to join our esteemed ranks.

The first step is to send me the $499 application fee.
Click to expand...

OP, please don't listen to this grifter. While it is true that you have to be invited, the application fee is only $495*. Once you have received an invitation to apply, then please DM me, and only me, for payment details.



*please note that this a non-refundable administrative fee for consderation of your application, and acceptance is not guaranteed. Any personal details submitted will be mine for eternity, as will your immortal soul (if you believe that you have such a thing, otherwise all your worldly goods will stand in lieu). Also, this is all utter ********. There is no Illuminati, at least not in the way you imagine - there is no secret group secretly running the world. Everything is just as chaotic and messy as it appears. The sooner you accept this, the better. Life doesn't come with cheat codes. Sorry.


ETA: OP, when an offer appears to good to be true, always read the small print.
 
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Maybe you're already Illuminati. We're not falling for that.

But if you're not, here's how it works:

You will find a wedge of soft cheese in your refrigerator. Hidden within the cheese is a ring, and car key. Engraved on the ring is a coded phrase, and a phone number. Dial the number, and say the code phrase six times. The voice on the other end will give you a license plate number of a car parked near your home, but the model. Once you locate the car, use the key you found in the cheese to unlock the trunk. You will find suitcases full of clothes tailored to fit you, and a key-fob for the car. Get in the driver's seat, and open the glove compartment. Inside you will find $100,000 in US currency and 100,000 in Euros. You will also find a pair of passports, one with your real name, and one with your new identity. There is an envelope with airline tickets. Drive your car to the airport where you will be directed to park in a secure location. A plane will be waiting for you, get on it. When you arrive in XXXXXXXXXX don't worry about customs. A car and driver are waiting to take you to our chateau in the countryside.

There will be a brief ceremony, then a barbeque. You'll spend the rest of the evening with us watching Laurel & Hardy movies. From there, you're in.

Don't tell anybody you read this.:thumbsup:
 
Isaac Zac said:
Hi :)

I want to know how I can join the Illuminati. I've already searched online and there were some forms where you could fill in your data and send it to I don't know whom. But I'm afraid of the security as I am a computer scientist.

So I wanted to ask if there is one website where I could apply and how I should try to apply.

Please help me.

Yours sincerly,
Isaac Zac
Click to expand...


Why do you want to join?

And why does the "fact" that you're a "computer scientist" make you scared of filling the forms and joining?


(Not going to laugh at you. Because one time, long ago, I'd been very taken with the Freemasons, read up about them, even corresponded with them, got some addresses. Thankfully never actually attended their lodges, because had I done that back then I'd have done it all earnestly and not just for the laughs. ...So yeah, not going to laugh at you, people think weird things sometimes.)


Lastly, why us here of all places? To ask this? Is this like a joke or something? (And it's fine if it is, why shouldn't you go for some hahas.)
 
Look for a locked box in a disused lavatory at the bottom of the stairs with this sign:

[IMGw=400]https://i.etsystatic.com/23677129/r/il/cf14a7/4127961204/il_fullxfull.4127961204_5tik.jpg[/IMGw]
 
I saw a terribly frightening youtube ad last night. ( And as we've been informed in another thread, youtube is the fount of all human knowledge). A wheezing tenor voice with a familiar timbre told us that Shadow President Soros is about to ban illuminati as part of his evil scheme to scheme evilly, and there were heartrending pictures of empty store shelves where they used to abound. The coming revolution will be won by those who heed the message before it's too late. Of course they wanted me to pay something, but I'm smarter than that and I do my own research, so I'm off to the *********** sorry, but I signed an NDA...to get mine, before I end up like those other poor saps cursing the darkness as they stumble through the tangled roots of the world, gasping for aid as the flame of their last cheetos gutters in the gloom.
 
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